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O/T: I'm Back...ish

Fading's picture

I am only kind of back. DH and I have been working on things nicely with Skidmark and so far I've only sustained a couple injuries. However this is an off topic post, I wasn't sure who else to talk to about it because everyone around here poo-poos it or ignores my concern.

In late 2006, I had befriended a guy, Randy, through work and had started hanging out with him and some of our mutual friends. He was in a frat at the local university and there were a couple times I had attended the frat parties. He had never shown any interest in me as more than a friend and at that time I had a boyfriend (who I despise now). February 2007, I went to a small gathering of just Randy, me and about 6 other friends (4 other females). There was NO drinking that night during the get together just a calm night playing Battle of the Sexes and some video games. I went into the bedroom (Randy and some other guy shared the downstairs bedroom) to take a phone call from my then boyfriend as the music was far too loud in the main room and it was freezing outside. Just as I had hung up the phone, Randy shoved me down on the bed, raped me and proceeded to taunt me. I ran out barely dressed, went home and sat in a scaulding hot shower and scrubbed myself with an SoS pad until I bled. It wasn't until I calmed down and the fear had stopped that I saw my mistake in showering. I reported it anyway, but he was never convicted. The frat closed down shortly after, and has been vacant since.

I have only seen Randy twice since then, but the house I drive by frequently and it still gives me shivers and makes me tear up a bit. The fact that it at one time housed a monster who earned my trust, then betrayed and hurt me, still strikes me from time to time when I see it. Now, the city wants to demolish the house as it has been vacant for a few years and is no longer up to code. I am strongly in favor of this. It shouldn't be this way, but I feel like if they demolish the house, maybe some of my pain I harbor from that night will be demolished. However the campus and a local landlord are trying to save and retain the house. They want to make it into a duplex/fourplex. It is a beautiful house, but that beauty harbors something disgusting inside and I know I may not be the only one who finds so much ugliness in such a beautiful home.

I have been to therapy for the rape, but as in all things, some of the pain still lingers. It has just been weighing on my mind since they announced they would like to demolish the house and I needed to get it out. Since everyone around here either ignores that it happened or acts like it is no big deal, it's hard to let out my feelings to so called friends and easier to let it out to amazing strangers.

Comments

StarStuff's picture

I am so sorry for this horrible ordeal that you were forced to go through! (((Hugs))) to you dear for being amazingly strong and seeking help for yourself. I can't imagine what you've suffered, but think that it's totally normal for you to still shiver when you pass the place. Keep strong, and if you still need to see a therapist from time to time to continue working through this don't hesitate. Much love and positive thoughts your way Smile

newbiemommy's picture

People who have never experienced the horror of being over powered this way will never understand. I truly wish you the best, and I hope that awful reminder is smashed to rubble. Everyone copes and deals differently but I hope you find some resolution in this.

misSTEP's picture

AMEN

RedWingsFan's picture

I'm so very sorry you went through that horrific ordeal. It never goes away, but it does get a little better with time. I know, I've been through it too.

I wish you the very best and do hope that they destroy the house so you don't have that constant reminder.

Good luck honey and if you ever need a shoulder, I'm here.