Interesting trip with OSD22 and DH yesterday - BM doesn't get it lol
So, yesterday DH and I took a little road trip with his older daughter who is about 6 months pregnant. During the drive, a few things came up about her mom.
First, her mother wants to be IN the delivery room. Shoot, this girl thinks it's ridiculous that people hang out around the hospital waiting for the kids to get born and she does NOT want her crazy mother in the delivery room. haha. I told her it is 100% her right and she needs to let the medical team know what her wishes are in advance. I also said, she should probably just go have the baby and not tell anyone.. that would make it simpler.
She also mentioned her BM told her MIL to be that this baby would be how BM would make up all the shortcomings that she had as a mother. It would be a vehicle for her to basically make it up to her daughter what a crappy person she was. (including some gossipy talk of possible molestation by mamma of the girl when she was very young. I've asked DH about that but he said that he really didn't know if anything really happened because his job was away from home when she was really young and the whispers about it came out years later but nothing could really be substantiated or anything and nothing was happening currently so it was just some hearsay from his SIL who was also a little crazy)
She told us that it doesn't work that way. You don't get to screw up a kid's life then make it up by spoiling the grandkid. I did tell her that was true but that this was HER chance to do things differently than her parents did. It was her opportunity to provide her child a better life.
Hopefully she will be happy and can sneak the baby into the world without a circus...lol
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Comments
Wow, this is going to be a
Wow, this is going to be a mess.
Is BM the type to force her way into the delivery room?
Our BM told SD(26) that she should freeze her eggs because she wants to be a grandma someday. When SD, who doesn't have nor want a boyfriend, said I might not even have kids, BM freaked out and told her she was being selfish!
Yes, she is exactly that type
Yes, she is exactly that type to try to force her way in. She can be full on crazy and threatening to people when things aren't going her way.
When her YSD was in the pediatric emergency room, I had to calm her down outside the room while the DRs were trying to set the kid's arm. She thought they were hurting her baby and she was going to "stop them". Yeah.. Me, the SM got stuck babysitting BM and keeping her sane... it was a trip.
I told the girl that the best thing is to tell NO ONE when she goes into labor. Just go to the hospital with her Fiance and tell everyone on Facebook when it's done! lol.
Good advice! I would say call
Good advice!
I would say call BM once the baby is born, not just let her find out on FB, or she'll never hear the end of it.
I told SD once that if/when she gets married she should elope. She laughed and agreed, then said Mom would kill me. I said then for sure a destination wedding. SD said that would cut out so much stress but she doubted BM would go for it. DH looked at us and said so what, it's up to you, not her.
wow poor sd. at least it
wow poor sd. at least it seems she recognizes her mother's crazy side.
Oh, yeah she has been on to
Oh, yeah she has been on to her for years. She (and her younger sister) both moved away from their mom while still in HS.
The funny thing is that my OSD was saying how they were kind of happy that they weren't having a girl because the name they wanted to use happened to be MY middle name. They didn't choose it because of me, it was just a coincidence. I had to tell her that the middle name of the BOY they are having is actually my grandfather's name. lmao. Can't wait to throw that in at some point with BM. (no really I just avoid her).
I never had kids, but I
I never had kids, but I always said that if I did have a kid, the only people I wanted in the room were those who were legally licensed to administer pain medications. lol.
Her mom is also a
Her mom is also a photographer. I can just picture her elbowing the OB out of the way to snap pics of the baby coming out of her hooha.
OSD is very private. She really doesn't want anyone at the hospital period. I told her if she would tell the medical staff, they can make sure her wishes are followed.
Most hospitals will not allow
Most hospitals will not allow videotaping or pictures during the birthing process due to liability (and good sense fairies).
DH's SIL had her third child
DH's SIL had her third child without anyone in the delivery room but her husband. Her BM got so mad she told SIL and BIL that she wouldn't care if they both died. It was crazy. She said horrible things other than that but that was just the worst for me and it was all because SIL didn't let anyone in the delivery room. She had a Waterbirth and since her epidural didn't work for her second child she didn't bother with her third. Here we are 8 months later and all is forgiven. It just goes to show you just how far some of these BMs will go and how their children will just chalk it up to this or that and forgive and forget. I could never.
She could go to a hospital
She could go to a hospital that only allows 2 people, then pick her man & a doula or midwife as her 2. That's hardly something someone could take offense to & it makes a good excuse, not that SD should require an excuse. In the US, they'll only allow who you say, period. It's not a negotiation. She should say something to the staff. They'll say, just one person if BM shows up & just asks.
She needs to make it clear to
She needs to make it clear to the hospital that ONLY her Fiance (Or, him and anyone else she WANTS there) is to be allowed in and SPECIFICALLY tell them that her mother is NOT to be allowed into the delivery room.
They're not going to allow her in if they've been told to keep her OUT. Hospitals don't like to do anything that opens them up for lawsuits.