I have no knowledge on how, but do not blame you or your parents for feeling like this at all!

Do they have an estate attorney? If not, they should consult with one to ensure this is done properly. Laws vary from state to state, so a pro is going to be the way to go. 

I was under the impression that, in most states, inherited money does not go into the marriage "kitty" but remains the sole property of the inheritor. In this case, bm would have absolutely no claim on it. Check up on the laws in your state.

I believe either your parents can set it up in a trust so that it only ever goes to you & your kids, or you can once they’ve passed. I’ve read on here there are definitely ways to protect the money from being passed to skids after you pass on.

As for protecting it from DH spending it on his kids, maybe it’s best being places in a trust for you by your parents so DH has no access. You can use it to fund the things you want to for your life with him, but it’ll prevent him from feeling that HE has extra to throw around & spoil skids with.

A trust is definitely the way to go.. they should definitely work with an estate planner on this. Theoretically, they should have a trust leaving funds to their direct children.. or in the event of one of those children's passing before your parents.. it would go to that child's bio children.  Then.. if the trust ends with your inheritance.. you could go and set up a trust to leave it to your kids only.

Sounds like something I would talk to an estate planning attorney about and have a free consultation with them. It can be done, but they will know the specifics for your state and situation.

Sorry, I think you need to pay for any useful advice lol. 

You and your DH need wills to appoint where money would go in the event of your death.  It would be wise to keep any inheritance you receive segregated from money you share with DH, either by your parents creating a trust, or by simply putting it into an account to which he wouldn't have access (probably with your kids' name on it).  Where I am, that would make it separate and non-marital property, so your husband could inheirt your shared money and stuff in the case of your death, but your children would inherit the inheritance.

DH and I are on the same page about BM (and XH) from getting anything from our estates in the case of our deaths.  If we both die, everything goes in trust with my BFF as trustee.  She would take care of bio-DD financially, but she will be on orders from us for the skids to get nothing.  If one of us dies, the other inherits everything.  Skids are specifically disinherited from DH's will and they have no claim to my estate.

We worked with our family law attorney to set them up.  It was well worth the couple hundred dollars.

This is fairly easy to solve. I have no children and could envision DH and I being in a car wreck where DH lived a few minutes longer than I did. If my money went to DH then upon dh’s death everything i’d worked years to earn would go to the worthless SS34. Honestly I’d rather see BM get it than that POS. 

It was quite simple to set up a trust. DH will have money to live on and a home to live in but will have nothing of mine to bequeath upon his death. 

I was pretty frank with our lawyer about my potential inheritance not getting into my SD's hands. I have no children and my mother has made it quite clear she doesn't want HER money going to SD, who was pretty shitty to my family.

The lawyer said I could setup my own will with a trust that would give my husband access to our shared money, including any inheritance from my family, after I die. Then when he dies, the trust kicks in and any money or property included in the trust would be directed to whoever I chose to get it.

Unfortunately, that lawyer dropped the ball and never returned any of our calls after we met. But the point is, a trust seems to be the way around this issue.

You're reminding me I should call a new lawyer today.

We went with trusts.  I am childfree by choice.  SO has 2 kids.  BM doesn't know how to adult and is fiscally irresponsible.  

SO came out of his divorce with a heavily reduced 401k and savings account, no other assets.  I came into the relationship slightly better in that department.  The vast majority of what we accumulate will be together.  We are fairly similar income wise.

SOs parents are comfortable.  He stands to inherit a decent sum along with his sibling.  MIL threatens to leave it all to skids rather often and unprovoked, helps BM all.the.time (financially and otherwise).  So... whatever.  Inheritance on my side has already been passed to a sibling by my choice.  

I have an extended family member I want to provide for.  SO has his two kids.  I am very on the fence about marriage.  I'm of the mind to not go through with it while skids are minors.  

We have multiple trusts in addition to wills and POAs.  How it stands at the moment is this:

In the simplest terms, it's as though we each had an individual trust before the relationship and created a third within the relationship.

Anything we came into the relationship with is off limits and in separate trusts.  Employer life insurance and 401s go into those separate trusts.  SO carries a separate policy for balance of CS as required in his decree so that there is no mix or potential for dispute.

Larger assets (vehicles, property, etc.) acquired together are titled to the main trust.  Larger assets acquired pre-relationship are titled to our separate trusts.  We carry a mortgage, titled TIC at 50/50.  That interest is also in our separate trusts.

Whichever of us leaves this world first has provided: life insurance policy to pay what remains (if any) of the TIC portion related to the mortgage as well as any other individual asset liens.  Individual trusts are to liquidate such assets as appropriate.  It is also to pay the balance (if any) on whatever assets in the main trust carry lien jointly acquired. 

Main trust provides an allowance for the survivor.  Assets would (in theory) be free and clear and if liquidated are liquidated into their respective trusts.  Survivor goes, main trust is liquidated equitably to individual trusts.

Each individual trust benefits whomever we've designated, almost fully.  There is an exception that if one departs so early that our estate plan can't fully fund itself just yet, the individual trust will provide for the survivor under x circumstances and for x amount of time (sliding scales) with the principle balance being held for designated beneficiaries and requires liquidation of certain assets during that time frame.  Each trust is conditional on the agreed upon terms being kept as a safeguard.  i.e. SO cannot go buck wild in the years after my death and shirk any responsibility to the main trust while benefiting from mine.

We also hold medical and financial POA for each other over all others.  I am not the executor of his estate at my request and so his sibling has received that honor/nightmare.  The executor of my estate is an (unrelated) attorney.

Things could change in the future whether we marry or not.  The end game is to provide for each other and prevent any crazy family member from inflicting more grief and/or difficulty into the survivor's life. 

I have been adamant that I not be set up to be the gold digger stealing from skids (oh the irony).  While welcoming, SO brings some people to the equation that make it clear my priority in this world should be someone else's kids. 

As the majority contributor to our lifestyle while he is the majority contributor to BM's, I'll be d@mned if anyone is going to wrap their entitlement around my neck "for the kids!" And certainly not while I'm grieving such a loss.

It's a complicated set up, partially due to his having kids and partially due to my reluctance to marry.  And I'm sure it will change over and over and over again in this lifetime.  Best money I've ever spent, though.  And a close second for SO (behind his divorce).

Talk to an estate planner/lawyer.  You may want to consider conferring with the estate planner alone at first because your conversation will be asset-protection inclined towards your bio children ONLY.  Some DHs might not take this well. This is YOUR inheritance from your hard-working parents so YOU decide what to do with it.  I want my personal assets to serve DH and I for the remainder of our lives (and aportioned to help him if he outlives me), but EVERYTHING will go ONLY to my bio daughter (with no room to be contested). 

My parents intended their wealth to go to their children (the grandkids were left out as that would be my decision). My personal assets, which were established prior to DH, need to be safeguarded.  As long as I'm alive, my assets will serve DH, myself and my bio kid.  And, SS should he need it because he is a good, hard-working guy and has never asked for a cent.  SD and BM are barred from any and all benefits. 

Testamentary Trusts and Mutual Wills might be right down your alley. Testamentary Trusts are activated post humus and can hold assets (including property and investments).  You can give a life interest to your spouse in relation to all or part of your estate (distributed in an annuity or however you choose). When DH passes or if he remarries, the assets/capital go to your bio children only. A mutual will would allow you to split your estate any way you want.  It can act as a separate agreement. 

A lot of moolah is always a touchy situation. In my case, I want my bio daughter and DH taken care of but I do not want SD or BM to have any of it by using DH as a financial proxy for their parasitic schemes. DH is not very saavy with finances and BM is a very manipulative money ho. SD (Masters in Accntg.) has already proven she and BM will work hand-in-hand to get whatever they can from DH.  

I suggest that your parents talk to an estate planer and look into some form of trust for your children. Essentially, putting the money in trust for your children but making you the executor on that money...so you can use it while you're alive and it passes directly to the two of them (no probate...it would pass outside of the wills you and DH have together). 

I'd have my parents do this rather than setting up the trust myself after they're gone...because that takes the decision away from you completely. The money never gets mixed in with the general household money...you have no say so your DH can't make you feel guilty or talk you into leaving some to skids...or blow it on skids before you pass. It remains completely separate...accessible to you and you only in case you have a need...but not part of your general household finances.