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crystalclear's Blog

** round and round I go on the drama carousel

crystalclear's picture

Let's it been a year since my last blog. My dad died. I had two close friends become strangers. My grandma died. Still stressful with dh. Now I have issues with my heart. Most likely from stress.

Ok so I made a super stressful move let BM move into my house for awhile not that bad acually she was more helpful than dh lol.

When is it time to call it.

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Its been awhile. Everyone's older but not much has changed. My DH is still horrible when SS6 comes over. Still mean to my children. I should drop my life if SS6 needs something,but won't for me He will attend his baseball games but won't even consider going to ABA classes with me. My oldest child is PDD/NOS.

Seriously this is my life....

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It just seems to me ever since I got married my life is in the crapper. No great job like I hoped for. No great house like I hoped for.I got a husband who ignores me and has emo issues. got a SS who sometimes likes me. Have my bio kids who love me but act out. This isn't what I signed up for. Moved away from my family and friends seems they forget I exsist unless they need somthing. Anytime somthing goes even close to good for me it dosent pan out. I cant even go for a walk because its just not safe to do so. Now I dont even have a car to drive.

O/T my bio's are great!

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So I already forwarned my bios that christmas was going to be tuff! My brother had moved in and decided thhat he would move and give me a week warning and screw me! There goes christmas money Sad
So I causally mention to the older ones
ME: I know you guys are excited for christmas. But this yr is going to be tight. So mommy might be only able to get you one gift.
DD8: its ok mommy we still have family
DS11: yeah mom family is most important.

To my StepTalk family

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I have decided I really need a txt buddy. Being a SAHM sometimes has large draw backs like no friends. I moved to Sacramento CA about a year ago and only have 1 friend out here. Its so hard to find friends that are not drug addicts and want to teach their children morals. I would love to stay on here but my husband gets pissed when he sees me on here and its so hard to post on the phone Sad

oh really DH you promise.....NOT

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So here is my plan of action for today. Get up @ 630 get DS11 DD7 DN7 (nephew lives with me) ready for school. Have SIL take DD7and DN7 to school. Make sure DS11 gets on bus or take him to school. He has a fieldtrip today. Get ready myself,then get BD2 ready for dentist appt. Appt @ 9am. Then come home make lunch go to BD11 school for lunch after fieldtrip. Its a huge thing lunch on the lawn with your parent. Busy morning right ???? Well last night DH says SS4 is comming at 5am. He says I will get up and take care of him and make your coffee. Is that what he's doing now ?????

SMALL VENT

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Today I'm feeling overwelmed. How is being me well ill tell you. I'm a wife,SM,mom, friend. Life is not easy dealing with all this. I'm a wife to my DH who has Bipolor this is a feat all in itself. I am a mother to a child with autisum and 2 tipical one is 2 and potty taining. A SM to SS4 who sometimes likes but has emo problems. I'm a friend to all who need it.
Today I stressed out for no real reason. Just feel like crying. Give it a couple of hrs and ill put my big girl panties on. Just once I want someone to give a SH*T about how I feel!