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Ohhhh the brilliance of skid

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 2:04pm

Here are the moments that SS15 has taken my breath away:

- Sent him to the little corner shop for toilet paper and napkins.  Comes back with paper towels and kleenex.  So I went to do it myself.  To be fair there were no napkins...however there were no less than about 7 different options for toilet paper.

- Had a baked potato with baked beans as the topping.  Potato was already heated, I left the baked beans can out.  All he had to do was pop the can lid open and microwave them.  He looks at me and goes "Ummm Cookies what exactly do I do with the beans?"

OT I love DH but the man is Wreck It Ralph

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Wed, 04/18/2018 - 5:29am

He wrecks everything.  EVERYTHING.  Himself, things, the house.  There is no safe place.

He mowed the back garden/yard this morning.  Most lawnmowers here are electric so he had to plug it in the dining room, which overlooks the back garden.  He asked me to unplug it because he didn't want to track grass in the house!  !!!!! OMG !!!!  He usually isn't that careful or mindful when it comes to messes!!

I am officially done as a SM

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Fri, 04/06/2018 - 10:56am

I am only DH's wife now.  I don't think DH understands fully yet but this only blew up this morning.  This is my second day off work so I decided to be a bit naughty and have my beloved peanut M&M's at 10am.  Just a few.  I already had them hidden in the drawer of the t.v. cabinet as PigFace15 ate the other 2.2 pound bag.  Open the drawer.  EMPTY.

I have never felt my heart palpitate so hard.  My leg, my whole body was shaking fiercely with anger.  I marched upstairs, threw open PF's door, shut off his fan and tapped him on the side of his pigfaced head.

I am a bit slow it seems

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Tue, 03/27/2018 - 11:06am

OMG.  Big light bulb just came on!!!  BM2 knows that if DH doesn't have a will made up when he dies, everything would go to probate.  Where I could just provide our marriage certificate and VOILA!  Everything goes to me, as his wife/widow, and job done.

She thinks, ACTUALLY THINKS, that when DH makes his will (when we make our wills together)...he will then state in his will that she gets xx amount/xx%.  She really believes that she will/has convince/convinced DH to hand over most of everything to her.  Therefore, she will "win" against me.

I am 'the wrong hands'

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Mon, 03/26/2018 - 1:33pm

I knew BM2 wouldn't behave and shut up for long.  It ended this weekend when she came to England and took SS for a visit.  It ended up from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon, which is good for SS.  I guess.

So she comes to drop him off Sunday afternoon.  Before I come home from work, of course.  She only stood in the little entry way.  However, geography doesn't stop the little tramp from being what she is.

Mother of the year in town

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Sun, 03/18/2018 - 5:40am

Yes, BM2 will be here next weekend.  And she will be visiting with SS15...for a whopping 4 hours.

FOUR WHOLE HOURS!

Travelling all the way here from another country for a long weekend and that's all he gets.  Poor thing, I'm not his biggest fan but that's just the sh*ttiest thing to do to your own child.  Whom you don't see in person for majority of the year.  She stoops to new lows every day.

DH said I wonder what she's doing here.  Really, do you?!  I said what she's always doing:  looking for p3n1s and money.

SS ate all my food...again

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 6:00pm

I love peanut M&M's.  It is one of the very few candies/sweets/treats I actually eat.  Everyone knows it's mine.  The last 1 KILO bag my DH bought me lasted me 8 months.

This 1 KILO bag however (2.2 POUNDS) last only weeks.  Why?  SS15.  Because I didn't hide it like I did the last bag.  Because I shouldn't have to hide food in my own damn house!!!

OT moving home makes my DH a butt

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Sat, 02/10/2018 - 2:03am

We have rented this house for 4 years. At our own risk, we've fallen in love with it. It is quite beautiful. It fits...it feels like home. But it's not ours. Landlord has decided he wants to sell. He has every right, of course, but it's heart breaking.

As two adults who are divorced and started completely over quite late in life - we cannot buy right now. It just can't happen yet. So we have found another house to rent. It's upsetting but I just get on with it.

Why are you going there?

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Thu, 01/04/2018 - 4:08am

SS15 spoke to BM2 yesterday. He told her that we are going on holiday in a few weeks. He's really excited as it's somewhere warmer than here, it has a pool and it's the first holiday we've been on in ages. A few minutes after their 5 minute conversation, DH receives a text:

BM2: Why are you guys going to 'Nice Warm Destination'?

DH: Because I can.

Seriously, lady, please find yourself your own life. Disengage your skull from my husband's back side and run free. Go wild. F off. Pick one. Treat yoself.

OT I have my own crazy BM

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Submitted by Cooooookies on Sun, 12/31/2017 - 12:42am

I figured out, at the age of 27, who and what my own BM really is. It really was like that cheesy lightbulb moment that you see in cartoons. So, for the most part, I don't expect much and don't let her hurt me. For the most part.

Perhaps it's something with living so far away in another country. Sometimes, just once in a great while, I long to have a "normal" BM. Ya know, once who calls me once a week, acts like she's interested in her own daughter, sends a birthday card that isn't 15 days late.

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