My DP is so lazy it just kills me!!
I don't actually know where to start. I have been with DP for 2.5 years. We initially lived together for 9 months before I couldn't handle him any more. Every time he spoke to my son he would be nasty and they direct contrast to how he spoke to his son was killing me and my son was very upset all the time. He used to yell at my son and throw his toys (actually he still does). Anyway, he moved out for 12 months and has recently, after much soul searching from us, moved back in. My son is 9, his son is 7.5. I have my boy full time, he goes to his dads one night a fortnight. He has SS every second week from Wednesday through until Sunday. It feels like an eternity.
He treats SS like royalty...I know, I know, it's a familiar story. SS is special needs, although not 100% sure what is wrong as DP and BM have been dragging their heels as their son is completely perfect in every way. His son is aggressive, lies, won't sleep at night, behaves in general like a 3 year old. He won't acknowledge anyone's existence, won't lift a finger to help and hates everyone....I say to that, it's not a biggie, the big deal is the father. He constantly makes excuses fort he child, tells me how horrible my son is at every opportunity, but when I dare comment on some atrocious behaviour from his son, he says he must have been antagonised. He and I can literally be observing the same argument and I see all that happens, he only acknowledges what my son has said. I'm ready to blow my top.
I work in child care, I live and breath child development and could talk about it for hours on end, in fact that's what I do at university. I hate that I can see what he's doing damaging my son AND his son. I hate that all we do is fight. I hate that I work 3 jobs to pay ALL the bills and he puts in $200 a week, and nothing for food.
I'm fed up with him letting a 7 year old tell him what we are doing day in and day out. I'm tired of no bedtime, of no hygiene, of him playing computers with his son for 12 hours a day and thinking that that's normal...grr
I'm tired, basically I sleep next to a man who snores like a freight train...and he's an alcoholic, so you can only imagine how hard it is to get him to stop once he's asleep....I'm in need of some serious advice..
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Comments
Why on earth did you let him
Why on earth did you let him move back in? Are there some redeeming qualities there? Because I'm not seeing any. It sounds like he couldn't make it on his own financially or otherwise and tried to reel you back in with empty promises, is that true?
Good grief, woman!! Kick his
Good grief, woman!! Kick his lazy ass out into the kerb!! He is a bad influence for both you and your Son! Save yourselves and get out - like, yesterday, even!!
Seriously? Are you sick and
Seriously? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?
Then tell him to move out. Your son will grow to resent you that you allow this abusive man to share his home. You do not NEED a man. You need to get away from this guy even if you send your son off to his Dads for a week while you get him out of your house.
No, it won't get better. No, he won't change.
Boot him back out. What had
Boot him back out. What had changed that you let him move back in?
You're pretty much paying for
You're pretty much paying for a man to live in your home and mistreat your son.
Put his ass out.
I know I know, I don't know
I know I know, I don't know though why I'm not tough enough...It's usually up because every time I actually put my foot down and suggest that things aren't working he twists it into me having an issue with his son and that I treat them so differently. I told him of course I don't love them the same, although I care about him and want the best for him...however not to the detriment of my son.
The other week when my son went away to his grandparents for a few days, he asked me to have SS. I told him I'd prefer not to, as it was my only day off and I had heaps to do. He made me feel so guilty that I reluctantly agreed. It was fine, I cleaned the house after the explosion that was Christmas Day and did some major maintenance for my home day care. SS had a good day, helping me, playing outside and running around in the hose. Dad comes home and he's in his undies. He abused crap out of me in front of his son for being a horrible parent for letting him run around in his undies. Then he told me I was a crap child carer cause I don't want to look after his son on my day off...etc etc. I think you get my drift. I just told him if I was so crap of a parent don't EVer leave him with me again. He agreed.
Fast fwd to today, I'm working with 6 kids today, 2 school age and 4 under 5. I got blasted because I wouldn't let him leave him with me and my daycare kids for the day while he played on computers.
He told SS in front of me that 'L doesn't want you out there with her'. You need to come with me. Instead of being kind to the kid, he says stuff so that SS thinks I hate him all the time. I don't understand what he's playing at? Why would you want your kid to feel unloved?
Info to consider though, he was abused in a domestic violence household until mum left him with his abusive dad at 4. He was left with his dad until he was 9 and mum came and apparently made it all better. He has had so many bad things happen in his life...however a lot of these are from his dependence on alcohol and marijuana. I think this is why I'm with him..I'm trying to make it all better, but growing up in an almost totally opposite home, I think I make it worse...
TBH, he is using you.
TBH, he is using you. Unfortunately, sounds like he has an addictive personality. People with addictions tend to only interact with others to use them rather than be in a relationship with them. People with addictions, in my experience, turn into HUGE narcissists. Nothing matters but them...and getting their drug of choice.
Are you trying to give your
Are you trying to give your son the same experience that your abusive boyfriend had? If so, great job. Good way to ruin a childhood.
If this guy isn't a multimillionaire or an absolute machine in the bedroom, I have no idea what you find so anything about him.
Get you and your kid outta there. Or toss his ass to the curb today.
One last or... Or give your child up to someone who won't expose him to this crap. There is always someone who desperately wants a child and can't have one who would take better care.
Just something to think about.
Your OH is abusive and a
Your OH is abusive and a user, he is abusing your son and passing on the damage HE experienced and learnt as a child to your son and yourself. Thing is, YOU have chosen to be in this situation with OH and to be with him, but your poor son has not. Why would you choose to "save" a person (who lies, manipulates, blackmails, abuses, uses) over your innocent child?
You cannot save someone who doesnt want to be saved. Do not sacrifice yourself, your career, your child for a man who would prefer to bully a woman, her son and brain wash his own child into believing he is unloved and unwanted by you.
All you are doing is enabling OH and destroying your own life. Your OH deflects his own awful behaviour by pushing your vulnerable buttons i.e. you hate my son and are an awful parent/professional in childcare, you fall for this and instead of addressing the issue initially at the top of the agenda, you begin to defend yourself. Your OH uses the "best form of defence is attack" approach and imo needs therapy, while he lives on his own!
Do you love your son???? If
Do you love your son????
If the answer is yes, then this man goes...today! There is no excuse for his behavior and I would have physically removed him from my home.
Save your son and yourself and don't look back.
He is not worth it.
Thank you, you are all
Thank you, you are all right...I know what's best for me and my son...it's why I kicked him out last time. My son says he loves my partner, they got along well for a few months..anyway people like him can't maintain the facade for long I guess!
I will look at what I'm going to do to finish this, I really thought he had sorted himself, he had been to a psychologist, started on antidepressants, he was looking like he wanted to turn his life around. I guess I make it really easy for him to just not try.
Thank you again everyone