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This makes me feel so sad and confused

Brolynbub's picture

Ok, popular opinion is that I need to get rid of DP. He is a sad man who has had an awful upbringing which he is (from what I have seen) trying to share with my son. Aside from a huge revelation to me that SS is NOT my problem, i now fully blame DP for all the issues that I previously blamed SS for. He is the adult and he is causing this, I am ashamed to admit that I couldn't see a child's relative innocence in the situation.
The past few nights I've had to sleep on the floor in my DS room. DP was drinking quite badly and we had been fighting to the point of me not wanting a bar of him. DS has also been very upset with all that has been going on and he is not sleeping well and is wanting me to lay there until he goes to bed every night. This is all the backlash of a very upsetting few weeks over Xmas. I'm really concerned that DS is becoming very emotionally overwhelmed with the situation.
He and my partner get along fine when he bothers to be here. If SS is here though it's like his evil twin turns up. SS actually told his dad the other day that he needs to go away and stop being so mean and annoying to DS. It broke my heart to see that a 'special needs' child is more aware of what is occurring than his own father...how can this man say it is me and my son...how is he this blind?
This past few days has been normal, SS returned home and DP and I are speaking and he is making a huge effort. I have said to him that he is on his last chance. The next time I see him behave this way with DS I will have to look out for him and end this. I told him both choldren are feeling the huge stress in the home.
On a lighter note, SS the other day was talking to DS about if DP and I ever had more kids... SS said "the baby will be half annoying and half good", DS asked him why, his response "because Lyn is good and Dad is so annoying and naughty"... Made me giggle, as DP is fuming beside me }:)

Comments

Brolynbub's picture

Yes, we are coming to that conclusion...we went out for dinner with his parents last night ( it was a prebooked thing), it was totally awkward and we were both not feeling it at all. I managed to put on a good show, I dont think anyone picked up on much, which is a relief.
However on the drive up there, we discussed our relationship and how we feel...he said he was seriously considering moving out into a place of his own, because when he wasnt living here I was"nice". Apparently he loves me but us living together just doesnt work..we dont get along. He is so much in denial about his own contribution, he believes its me being unreasonable and says that I dont show him any love when we live together and the only reason we are not fighting now is that he is making an effort not to snap at me.
I get to the point where its not worth even asking him why the blame is mine. Ive just let him think that its all me, because he will never see any other version other than that one.

misSTEP's picture

Exactly!

"I wouldn't BE an asshole if it weren't for YOU doing x, y and Z!" Typical abuser talk.