This is my first post, I found this forum while searching for answers...anyway..
I have been with my partner for 2 and a bit years, in that time we have moved in together twice...the first time he and I fought all the time over the kids and he moved out for 8 months and he moved back into my house about 2 months ago. We had worked things out, or so I had thought...my BS is 9 and SS is 7.5. SS is here 4nights and 5 full days a fortnight. SS is special needs, although it is not confirmed what it is...if I had a guess he is on the autistic spectrum with a bit of depression thrown in? My son has been assessed as highly gifted. I am about to kill my partner, he is so mean and tormenting to my son, yet his son when he is here gets away with murder. He has no bedtime, doesn't have to eat dinner if he doesn't feel like it, doesn't wash, always gets the best of everything, food etc. he literally does not move from the computer while his son is here, cause that's what SS likes to do. His laziness baffles me, then if he gets off his arse to cook dinner for us his son tells him that he is a horrible father who won't play with him and doesn't love him...WTF. My son on the other hand, knows the rules, understands I work (I work in child care) and study full time and is super awesome at being self sufficient and we are very close. He has a bedtime, he eats dinner before he can even think about dessert, he showers himself, does his homework and is generally a fabulous kid. However being a smart arse is something that I have always been and he tends to give as good as he gets...not to me...but to my partner yes. My partner says all he does is whine, but it's usually about the unfairness of the situation when SS is here. I understand and I agree, so while I tell him not to talk to adults like that, it's only because my partner will yell at him and me if he doesn't shut up
So no my BS is not perfect, but when my partner is not there he is wonderful.
He treats the dumb ass though like he is the second coming and I'm over it. The kid is a turd. I work with kids, I love children, but this kid, I cannot stand. He hurts animals, he lies and manipulates, he masturbates in front of everyone all the time, he can't wipe his own butt, he is treated like he is older than my BS, however behaves worse than my 2-3 year olds. I am feeling horrible that I dislike this evil kid so much, but I can't seem to get past it...I know he's special, but his dad tells me he is just as smart as my son?? I'm fed up with my son getting blamed for everything, while his is antagonised by my son to behave that way apparently!!
He pays me $200 a week for rent and bills, and I pay for everything, I feel as though I am treated as a sugar mum or something. He uses me to babysit him, but accuses me of being a horrible mum if I get home and his son has refused to get dressed....we have had a horrible time over the past 3 weeks, we have had SS extra days, thanks to Xmas and New Years and it is about to result in me kicking him out...again!
I am really after some advice, can it work when all you and your partner do is fight? I struggle keeping my mouth shut about SS's behaviour in my house and my son and I are both struggling at the unfairness of everything....help!