Help!
I really really can't stand my partners son!,he's 10 and is the most vile,miserable,spoilt and nasty kid I've ever met!,I've known him since he was 4 and even then was a little shit who would scream and throw tantrums when he couldn't get his own way.Now my partner and I have a 5 year old daughter together and he is always horrible to her which makes me dislike him even more,he doesn't speak to me considering I've known him for 6 years now and I've tried in the past to get to know him but he's just so weird and I'm wasting my time.My partner has him every bloody weekend and even the mention of his name makes me cringe!,partner thinks the sun shines out of his arse and he can do no wrong and is always pandering to him even when he acts like a complete diva.Weve taken the kids on holiday a few times and last week was the last one I will ever go on with this kid as he spends all his time moaning,saying omg at everything,being stripey and miserable and being vile to my daughter.Ive told my partner we will have to go on seperate holidays from now on,he can take his kid on his own and I will take our daughter on my own,I dread him coming every bloody weekend and can't wait till he goes home,if ever this kid had to come and live with us full time then me and my partner would definitely split as I really hate this kid!,anyone else felt like this and how do you.cope ??
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How does your SO treat you
How does your SO treat you around SS? If he is being disrespetful are you backed up? At 10, to me, you should be able to sit down and have a clear discussion on how you will be respected in the home with consequesnces outlined if he will not. Would your SO back you up with something like that?
No probably not as this kid
No probably not as this kid can do no wrong.He comes every Friday and goes straight to my daughters room and plonks himself on the top bunk and stays there all weekend playing on his phone or laptop and if my daughter goes in he tells her to get out!,he pushed her off her own bed the other week and she banged her head on the wall but when I told my partner all he said was "well if he asks her to leave him alone then she shouldnt keep pestering him!"its as if hes scared to upset him by disciplining him so he gets away with it!
Honestly, I would probably
Honestly, I would probably not have stayed with someone that had a child that I disliked to that core extent... especially when they were so young and he had them so much. You are one funeral away from having that boy full time.
But, you stayed... so you will have to figure out a way to mentally check out and disengage. Your SS has parents so let his parents care for him. Ignore his antics.. and teach your dd to avoid him as well and how to cope with mean kids like him.
Maybe there is some possibility of changing custody so that it isn't every weekend.. nice for his EX that gets to play without the kid around.
Tell me about it!!,hes at
Tell me about it!!,hes at school all week then my partner picks him up at 4pm on a friday and droos him home Sunday evening so BM has it good!,hes a little shit at home too and kicks off with his mom and stepdad but I always knew what sort of kid he would turn out to be when I met him when he was 4 as all his parents would do was pander to his every whim and all he had to do was scream to get his own way.Now he just grunts,groans,cusses and curses and he gets what he wants.I told my partner I would never take the kids away together again and he agreed yet a few days ago he was suggesting places we could all go and i dug my heels in and said no!,i will happily take my daughter away on my own and my partner will have to miss out and all because hes scared to discipline and possibly upset his golden boy!
I couldn't imagine dealing
I couldn't imagine dealing with a skid like that every weekend. Can you DH switch to EOW? I don't know what you and your DH's situation is however, you would think the BM could take the kid the other weekends. BM over here tried to pull some crap when DH and me first got together this was even before we were married. SS wanted to come over every weekend this was when no CO was in place I told DH that if he wanted to see his kid every weekend then that was his choice however, I would be doing my own thing sometimes when his kid came over. I mean who was I to say that his kid couldn't come over every weekend. I told him that BM was just letting SS come over to see him to break us up. When I told DH that he changed his tune really quick because he knows what a snake BM is.
Hes always had him every week
Hes always had him every week since he was 1 and cant see my partner ever changing it to EOW.Life would be so much better!!BM had got it easy!,really she only has him a few hours after school as hes here every fri-sun and also 3-4 days per week during all the school holidays.
Like you I try and go out with my daughter as much as i can while hes here and thankfully now I wont have to go away on holiday with the little shite either as ive told my partner im sick of the nastiness towards my daughter from him so will be holidaying alone with our daughter from now on and if my partner misses out then so be it,he should learn to discipline horrid henry and then we wouldnt be in this situation.
I know this is water under
I know this is water under the bridge and I'm not trying to be judge Judy... just curious... because I see it a lot. You said your SS was 4 when you met your SO and that he was a little shit back then. Why did you stay? Did you think he would grow out of it?
My skids were 8 and 9 when I met DH and I actually liked them at the time and got along with them just fine... until 2 years later when I had BS8 and they turned into jealous fools and nobody checked their asses. It never crossed my mind that either skid would ever live with us and then BAM! When SD was 14 she decided she wanted to come live with us. Worst 2 years of my life. It's a damn miracle that our marraige survived.
I will tell you though... if either skid was ever a shit to my BS8, I would have left. Please rethink your situation and what the potential fall out of continuing this relationship will do to your daughter.
Yes I did hope he would grow
Yes I did hope he would grow out of it or that me and him would at least form a relationship and I did say to my partner that his behaviour was unacceptable.We could be out shopping and he would have a screaming meltdown in the shop if he couldnt get what he wanted and I was getting dirty looks off people as they must of assumed I was his mother and doing nothing to stop his behaviour.It just got to the point where I would walk away so as not to be associated with him as it was so embarassing and it just got to the point where i wouldnt go out in public if i could help it.I remember once (as my partner is a keen runner),he had done a running event and there was a kids fun run which his son wanted to do,when he didnt win the fun run he screamed the place down,all the other kids were having fun and just happy to take part but not my partners son,I had to leave as everybody was looking and it was so humiliating.Then my partner asked his son if he wanted a drink as the organisers were giving the kids a drink after their run,he asked him so many times "do you want a drink?" and he was screaming and crying saying no!,so we left and got back in the car,as soon as we pulled away his son started screaming "I want a drink!",so a new meltdown began!,my partner said to his son "ok il go to a shop and get you one " and I was like 'are you for real??',he just panders to him and if that was my child then she would wait until she got home as she had been given many opportunities for a drink and i would not jump as soon as she clicked her fingers!,no child will ever play me like that!.
I hoped I could point my partner in the right direction in regards to discipline but even now im still trying!,I have 2 older children who are now 20 and 18 as well as my 5 year old and I would never of tolerated behaviour like that and my kids never even tried as they knew their boundaries.
The way he is with my little girl just infuriates me and makes me despise him even more and the next time he lays a finger on my daughter will be the last time he is welcome in my house,my partner will have to find somewhere else to take him,if it splits us up then so be it,my daughter is my priority and she should be safe and feel safe in her own house,what makes it worse is my daughter adores him,he has a 3 year old sister at home too and from what ive gathered hes not nice to her either.There was an incident a few months ago where he had hit her and BM brought him to our house for a few days as he had kicked off at home after being told off by his Stepdad for hurting his little sister at home but when BM brought him here,my partner just made him comfortable and didnt even address what had happened at home and just tried his best to make sure he had fun and a good time while he was here,to me that is sending the wrong message to a child that if you behave badly you will just go to dads and have fun and the issue is just swept under the carpet.
As ive said earlier im not an overly strict parent but I wont tolerate such behaviour and i cannot stand a bully,he is also very sly and when he pushed my daughter off the bed he forgot my older daughters friend was underneath on the bottom bunk bed and saw and heard it all and when he realised she was there he tried to console my little one and said "oh have you fallen?",he forgot there was a witness that saw and heard everything and completely denied it when my partner asked him if he pushed our little girl so my partner did nothing....
Don't wait until he breaks
Don't wait until he breaks the little girl's neck before you leave.
Im always on watch now and
Im always on watch now and dont allow my partner to take our daughter anywhere alone if his son will be there too,ive told him until he can parent both children in a fair and unbiased way then she will be going nowhere with those two.
Well hes gone off now to his dads with his demon spawn.
He asked if he could take our daughter too and i scoffed and said no!,he asked why and i said you know why,he truly is an ostrich.If he thinks im going to allow my daughter in the same car as his demon kid so she can be slyly slapped and told to shut up then hes more delusional than i thought.He then came back to get some camping stuff so ive a feeling he wont come back tonight to to mess me up as ive got work tonight but its ok cos my DS18 is home tonight so he can watch DD5.
Im just awaiting the text now to say hes decided to go camping tonight but I wont even dignify it with a response!
Can I ask you a question?
Can I ask you a question?
What is the privacy and sleeping arrangement in your home? SS is there 8 to 10 overnights a month and two all day long during the same period.
You mentioned he goes straight to the upper bunk in your daughter's room and parks himself for the duration. You also mentioned the little girl coming in and out and being ordered by SS out. Then you also mentioned a friend of your oldest daughter's (BD20) being in lying on the lower bunk. And finally you make mention of your youngest BD being home tonight to babysit DD5.
Are you saying both your older daughters (BD18 and BD20) still live at home and that SS does not have a bedroom or space to himself, but instead shares a room with his five year old little sibling?
Hi there
We live in a 3 bedroomed house,originally it was me and my partner,my 18year old son in the second bedroom and my 5year old daughter in the 3rd bedroom.My older daughter who is 20 left University and started working full time so came back home,she now shares a room with my 5year old until she finds a place of her own.In that room there is a double bunk (double bed on the bottom where DD20 sleeps and a single bunk on the top where DD5 sleeps.My 2 daughters are best of friends and love sharing a room as they are very close.When my partners son comes over then my DD5 will share the bottom double bed with her older sister and then partners son will use the top bunk.The incident with my daughters friend happened when she called round as my daughter and her were going out and my DD20 was getting ready in the bathroom so she was waiting in my daughters bedroom and chatting with DD5 and they were watching a movie together until DD20 was ready to go.My partners son came in and went and lay on the top bunk,after the movie finished DD5 wanted to talk to my partners son and climbed up the top bunk to see him and try to hug him then was told to get out the bedroom,which was when he then pushed her and she banged her head.
There have been instances when hes told her to get out of her own bedroom and when she does he calls her straight back in again,then tells her to get out again straightaway then calls her back in again straightaway,its as if he plays mind games and enjoys tormenting her simply because she is younger and more vulnerable.We simply do not have the space to give him a room of his own and even if there were a spare room then my DD20 would have it.This is my childrens home and they will always come first as they live here,partners son has a home with his mom and a room of his own there.He has his own storage space for clothes,toys etc but never uses it and doesnt play with toys as all he is interested in is his phone,laptop or hand held games console,he never wants to go out or do anything. He keeps his clothes in his backpack but he never changes or washes anyway despite me saying to my partner he should be showering/bathing and changing underwear and clothes daily just as my children do.My partner will only make sure he changes his clothes before he goes home because if not BM is on the phone asking why he hasnt put clean clothes on (and quite rightly so).
I didn't mean the SS should
I didn't mean the SS should have his own bedroom, but you might try putting a cot (or bunk) in the 18yr old son's bedroom.
The little girl shouldn't be sharing with the SS. Starters, she is female and he is male. Secondly, he is nasty to her. Third, your oldest son could well take care of the stinker SS and get the respect out of SS (pure fear if nothing else, lol ) that your little five year old daughter can not.
If SS is in with the older male, the 5yr old can go in and use her own room whenever without SS b*tching. With the SS in the oldest male's room, SS can go hide out in his single designated spot and leave other's alone. If he acts up in the older male's room, older male can shut the little brat down.
I first thought you had a female 20 and a female 18. As you have a male 18 instead, I'm going to assume he is up and about and not always hanging around home during SS's time in the home.
Get SS out of the girl's room. Let Dad buy an inexpensive cot type bed if necessary and stick SS in the oldest male room.
Any lip or 'tude outta SS in BS18's room, and trust me, BS18 will just open the window and toss the little annoying 10yr old step brother on out. And when the 18yr old is home and around, the SS can stay in there by himself and rot in his own privacy if he's too good to be nice to others and share politely.
It would never work
My son is in the smallest bedroom and it really is small,hes just about got room for his bed,wardrobe and chest of drawers,besides my son thinks the kid is wierd and wouldnt want him anywhere near him.My daughter 20 is a lot more tolerant!,but she doesnt like my partners son because she too has seen what a nasty little brat he is.We all try and avoid him as much as possible.My daughters friend picked up on hus nastiness from the day she met him and asked me what the kids problem was as she had never seen such a hostile kid like that before,I tild her thats just the way he is and hes like it all the time and from what BM has said hes like it at home too,BM has got a miserable personality and hardly ever smiles (I get on fine with her and theres never been any anamosity between us).There have been problems between my partners son and his stepfather and my partners son doesnt like him,I personally think its because hes stricter than BM and enforces rules a lot more,although partners son has lashed out at his stepdad before and kicked him,I think the man deserves a medal myself and he must count the hours down until he comes to us on a weekend and they finally get some peace in the house!.Im just trying to distance myself as much as possible from the house on a weekend when he comes as its the only way I can find to cope with his visits,I have really tried to like this kid and understand him but I just cant!,and then to throw into the mix that he is so horrid to my little girl.If he were to behave this way in school to another child then it would be classed as bullying and dealt with by the school but because its in a domestic setting it seems to my partner to be ok?,I just dont get it??