Assaulted by 18YO SS
My high functioning autistic, babied SS is 18. He refuses to help around the house, doesn't contribute in any way. The rule his mom made was he was to go to college and would be allowed to live with us while he continued his education. He recently dropped out of school for " a semester" due to not wanting to file his financial aid forms. I have been his SD for 10 years. When I mentioned that we must fix this problem before he's forced to get a place of his own like his mother says, he attacks me. The SS has 100 pounds on me and a few inches. After I suffered some severely bruised ribs and a few scrapes and punches, I finally let him have a few good shots to his face to stop his attack.
As always, his family, my nosey, inconsiderate inlaws come to rescue him from calling the cops. He was not aware that he would be getting a free ride to jail if he called to report this event. I see pure sociopathic tendencies in this SS as do the family yet they blame autism. I have seen his autistic characteristics and have dealt with his lack of social skills, gone now btw. His lack of empathy and inability to be wrong like his mother and father make me sick at times. I felt bad for hurting him even though it was more of a "you are 18 so adults get hit back" type lesson. But over the last 3 days of busted ribs, no one will talk about anything with me besides beating down on ME for defending myself. Am I in the wrong for trying to motivate the SS? Am I wrong for just wanting to leave after 10 years due to this? The first time he saw red, he held his sister under water until she almost drown. The second was years later when he punched me multiple times in the face. When I tried to restrain him, his mother came in to scream "that's abuse!"
I don't want him around my 8 year old. What do I do?
Once violence enters the
Once violence enters the equation,something must be done. You should have called the cops on him, and filed a report just to protect your own best interests. Please do so now; you're going to need all the documentation of his violence you can get.
Either he goes, or you do. And if you leave, take your bio with you.
I would not be willing to
I would not be willing to live with an ADULT man who assaulted me. Especially since I see nothing in what you've written about your spouse being supportive of you. Since he's not upholding his end of the deal anyway, and has been violent with you, I'd insist that he leave. If your spouse refuses to have SS find different living arrangements, I'd leave myself - with my bio and after reporting the incident to the police.
A hallmark of autism is a
A hallmark of autism is a lack of empathy, so I doubt he's a sociopath. Just someone who lacks empathy and has never been held accountable.
Your wife has created this mess and she has no empathy for you either. Yes, I think you should cut your losses after 10 years. Remember the fallacy of sunk cost. Staying longer in a bad situation because you've already put so much time in is not good decision-making. My guess is this young man will still be in your home ten years from now.
Once criminal behavior enters
Once criminal behavior enters a relationship.. it is time for that relationship to end. His mother gets an ultimatum.
1. her son leaves home and lives independently. she can see him on her own... but you will no longer associate with someone who has physically attacked you.
2. You will involve the police and will involve child protective services if your 8YO is in any way impacted ever again.. you will file for divorce.. seek full custody and you will mop the floor with her if she fights you on that.
she can pick her poison.
He is autistic- that changes
He is autistic- that changes things. If this were a normal skid I would say bail now.
There are options, I am not sure where he is living right now, but you can still get a order of protection against him and request that it include your daughter.
Does he have any social security benefits? Have you looked into group homes for him? Tell the rest of the family to STFU, but what is your wife saying? Is she willing to have him live somewhere else? You might need to get a lawyer involved now.
What consequences did he get
What consequences did he get for nearly drowning his sister?
If your wife is not willing to take action about his violence even at the risk of her own daughter's safety or life, I think you're justified in going scorched earth on her in the courts, to protect your daughter. Because your wife won't.
So, idk how severe his autism
So, idk how severe his autism is. Some people have it mildly and live fairly normal, independent lives. Is he considered a legal adult with the capability of being responsible for his actions, or not? Does someone have legal guardianship or power of attorney? If he is not considered responsible for his actions, it sounds like a group home or some kind of inpatient care is warranted. If so, he needs to be held accountable for his actions, and not allowed to hurt anyone else.
Do you know why it was
Do you know why it was decided to NOT place him in a group home? Too many people see it as an awful thing. Gosh forbid the guardians loose that ssi money. Group homes are equiped and fully staffed to meet the needs of their guests. Often times the adult thrives MORE being independent v with family.
Anyway accountability matters. Sorry you must go deal with this. Hope it gets better very fast.
Press charges.
Press charges.
End it now. Get this POS out of your home and put him on the curb. He is violent, he is dangerous, and he has zero business in the home or life of decent people. His diagnosis is just an excuse for shitty behavior and is not legitimate as far as justifying his violent shit is concerned.
Boot his ass to the room with bars where he belongs.
One of you has to leave
I agree with all the posters above saying that the relationship should probably end now that violence has entered the home, or your SS should be moved to a group home. In addition to the obvious risks he poses to your 8-year old, what happens if he draws you into another eposide, and you defend yourself, but your inlaws and wife side with your SS, and you are somehow implicated? Then, if you later leave your wife, she may use that against you in a custody dispute. It seems to me the best thing for your 8-year old would be for the SS to go to a group home, otherwise if you do leave your wife and she has 50/50 custody of your 8-year old, how will you protect the 8-year old from him?