Hi, I'm new here, but I looked over some forums before I posted this and liked what I saw. I hoped could find a place to get some advice / support / understanding. I'm a guy who is about to marry and become a SF to 4 wonderful, awesome, amazing kids. I wasn't expecting it to happen, but when I met my fiance, it was love at first sight and I was done looking. Of the kids - I love them immensely and I know my life would be empty if they weren't in it. They have all been living with me for some time, and I know them being here has turned my house into a home.

Unfortunately, There is a catch; their BF. He is one of the macho, every-other-weekend warrior types. Everything about him is antithesis of who I am and what I stand for, and I figure that could be a bit of my dislike of him. But its more than that; its the way he is disrespectful to my fiance and I in front of the kids, including telling them to spy on us and "tell on us" to him; the way he tells them about how he has no money for them because he gives it all to my fiance, yet drives a $70,000 car, bought a boat and a motorcycle once they split up (while she is on ccis, lunch programs, wic, etc.); its the way he acts like he lives for them, but then makes excuses like, "I've got to wash my shoes" as a reason not to spend time with them; Its the accusations that my fiance hinders his time with them, even though we go out of our way to try and not allow that to happen, even to the point of making special arrangements outside the custody agreement; its the way he promises them things, but then when he realizes he can't, he cancels his time entirely with them.

Although its probably not true, I sometimes feel like he doesn't even know his kids, and only has them when it is convenient for him. He only even hinted at fighting for custody after my fiance got child support (reinforcing my belief that all he cares for is money and status). He never talks to teachers or invests time in their school, though I'm part of the PTO and have had multiple conversations with all of their teachers. His only time that he has shown any interest in activities his kids are excited about are when he shares it (like baseball, and even then it feels like lip service or him reliving glory days) or when it could inconvenience him a bit (like scout activities), which he obviously doesn't show positive interest in. He talks about how much he loves them, yet on his weekly phone calls, all you ever hear from them is "yeah" "uh-huh" and "sure" while he spends the majority of the conversation talking about himself (I very rarely hear them tell him about their activities or what is exciting to them). He decided to move over 100 miles away and yet blames my fiance for moving 15 from their old home for why he spends no time with them, even though he routinely gives up weekends, holidays and summer visitations.

Perhaps the most painful part is that I work hard to be there for them as much as possible. I'm at events and meetings and things like that; scout meetings, PTO meetings, school pride nights, musicals, recitals, school drop offs & pickups. And yet when one event we over-stressed to him as an important award that one of them got for a fantastic achievement, I was there the whole time, proud as could be while he showed up too late to see the actual ceremony, yet I'm chopped liver and he is the hero because he showed up at all.

In my time with my fiance and the kids, my world changed dramatically for the better. I think I'm a better person now than I was when we met. I think I have grown in innumerable ways. So why can't I get past him?