Hi everyone,

Quick background: Dated BM for 8 years now, kids are turning 9 (SD) and 12 (SS) - both are wonderful and love me to death, likewise I feel like their biological father in many ways. I love their mother, with whom we recently had a baby girl, now 9 months old. All is well in general, but we really haven't "lived together" yet and won't marry until next year, most of this due to my career where I travel 50% of the time.

BF of the kids and their SM are ok people, a bit of the back country redneck types, but he is not reliable to pay CS (arrears in the neighborhood of $15-20K I think). They have a daughter together and BF has a SS from the SM's previous marriage. They had their baby girl holding and aiming a gun at age 2. THAT WAS SCARY TO HEAR! Anyway, the kids come back dirty and smelling of smoke, but otherwise seem to be treated ok.

They get the kids every other week. Holidays are shared. I understand the every other week part, but shared Christmas pisses me off!! Will my Christmas be ruined for the next 10+ years because of taking them 100+ miles to dad's house? Will they keep going when teenagers? Lots of other questions, but I'll save them for separate posts.

With rising gas prices, my biggest worry is ME having to pay for gas to get SKids to daddy's every other week. Plus, I can't imagine he has much money to meet halfway as it is supposed to be. We live in one of the nation's worst areas for traffic, so going only a few miles can take 30-45 min. Does this mean we will always have to deal with the greater burden? A date in Court is anticipated in July for new terms based on my fiance, BM, moving in with me. Any tips to make sure we get the best situation is preferred.

In short,, I have no problem with the kids seeing their dad or that side of the family. What I do have a problem with is all the sacrifices my fiance made of the years without getting support from the BF that otherwise would have made it possible for her to hold a better job (took her 7-8 years PT school to get her degree in Psychology and is still working on getting her teacher's license for Spec. Ed. even though she has been working in the school as a TA for about 10 years - Education, another screwed up institution...) and essentially raise their children in a better environment. And what does she get for that sacrifice? 50-50 split? Even though the bastard cheated on her throughout their four year marriage? In her young age, I think my fiance took a court deal that gave him too much in order to ensure that their children would know their father. Ok. I don't like this, but I can respect it. However, when it involves me giving my finances to support this decision is where I draw the line.

My understanding is the court is in place to separate step parents' and their income, resources, from what support should be paid by BF or BM depending on custody and arrangements. However, the court does not take into account all the finances involved in making sure the kids have the time mandated by the court. Additionally, I don't want our own daughter to have to tangentially deal with running up and down the highway for the sake of her brother/sister and potentially miss out on so much social activity and life that she could otherwise enjoy.

This scratches the surface. Really, I am in a good situation. I am not complaining about much, but I do want to know what I can do to ensure that my fiance, the BM, get the best deal for her and her children, and for us as a family. When I say deal, I do not mean CS so much as I do arrangements for time with the BF and his family. I think BF's parents are behind most of the demands that BF has. I mean, he never shows up for important events in his children's lives, but his parents (Skids' grandparents) do.

Any and all thoughts, comments are appreciated. Thanks from someone 'sort of' new to this, although I have be aware for 8+ years.