One depressed parent here
Forums:
I feel like every time I try to help, I'm making things worse.
I feel alone in all this drama.
I feel like everyone blames me.
My husband asked his ex for a DNA test. He'd always had doubts. He knew she cheated and they lived in different towns during conception.
Now the ex and her family blame me for his doubts. When he told me about them, all I said was that he should do something about it. So he did. After 4 years. He needed that push. Like he was asking for permission to do it. Or he just needed the support to do it.
Is it all my fault?
Has the test been completed?
Has the test been completed?
Test
No. SD lives 180 odd miles away. So it's not easy getting her sample. That and we've rarely got money to spare.
Why would he ask his X for a
Why would he ask his X for a paternity test? Why not just do it when the Skid is with you and not say a word to BM?
You dont need to test the BM to determine paternity.
This is all kinds of uneccessary drama. DH can prove or disprove his paternity all on his own without interface with his X.
No---this is not your fault.
No---this is not your fault. (((HUGS))))) to you.
OP they are blaming you because you are an easy target. "The new wife" has upset the apple cart...they would never think to scold the woman who has slept around, possibly causing great stress to everyone involved, especially the poor child.
I would remain silent until the DNA test comes back. Remember you did nothing wrong here. IF dh is not bio father, and should anyone accuses you again, I would tell them, 'The results speak for themselves".
Remember, you did nothing wrong. BM only has herself to blame. She lied and she was a player.
Goodluck
Thank you so much. I'm actually crying right now.
He requested the dna test 2 years ago. And we never managed to do it. BM was making it difficult.
He requested it after he got a letter from child maintenance, when BM had applied for it. That gave him the opportunity to request one. And BM found out through child maintenance that he had requested one.
I've been made out to be the bad guy in this situation. When all I did was support my husband.
Of course you are the bad guy
Of course you are the bad guy because BM probably had the ability to get DH to roll over prior to his relationship with you. It may be his choice to put his wife first out of respect for you and your relationship, and have absolutely nothing to do with anything you said or did. But, if you didnt exist, BM could likely bully DH and get her way.
I agree
I knew my husband before the ex did. Then he started dating the ex and he and I couldn't be friends anymore because she didn't want him having female friends.
We've been together since the end of 2017 and I've known this man almost a decade.
It just sucks that everyone thinks I'm the new girl here. My husband and his ex never got married. She was abusive too, I've seen the pictures. She's controlling and crazy. She tried to break my husband and I up when we first got together. She always said that my husband and I shouldn't be having a baby, she was trying to control everything. Then she tried picking out baby names and all that. We just ignored everything. Im now very glad she doesn't like me because now she understands to stay the hell out of my kids lives. I'm here for my husband's child, and it will break all our hearts if shes not my husbands daughter.
You shouldn't waste one more
You shouldn't waste one more minute letting these people live inside your head. Sometimes people just suck and that's it. No further explanation or rationale needed.
The ex and her flying monkeys
The ex and her flying monkeys always blame the new woman. Because prior to being with you, he rolled over and did whatever BM wanted, most likely, to keep the peace. So it appears that it must be your doing that the test was requested.
People sure are upset about paternity - must be true that it's not his.
In the US, though - he would probably still be on the hook for Child Support, especially if they were married.
The UK
Here in the uk all he has to do is the test, and if he's not the father then we go to court to get his name taken off the birth certificate and contact child maintenance (child support) and send them the test results.
Now that's a sane policy. No
Now that's a sane policy. No wonder BM and her crew are so upset.
Crazy BM
She's already demanded, twice, that my husband allow her to change their daughters surname. And even said she wants to get him off the birth certificate and get his rights taken away.
A paternity test will set the
A paternity test will set the next action your DH should take. Time for a visitation I think.
Covid 19
Sadly it's preventing us from travelling up there. My husband's next time with his daughter is over the summer holidays. 4 weeks roughly. My husband wants to do it then.
The best thing to do would be
The best thing to do would be to do it through the courts. My guess is that now that BM knows he wants this paternity test, she won't allow him access to the child so it can't be done.
BM sure is making access
BM sure is making access difficult. She moved 180 miles away to be petty. She'd never admit that, but it's obvious. She got my husband arrested so she could skip town with their child. My husband was released the following day, the police here work slowly. But they let him go because there was no evidence hed done anything wrong. They found the opposite to be true. They found defensive wounds on him and asked of he wanted to press charges. He said no, unaware that his child was gone.
So, he should now press
So, he should now press charges. Have him call the Police and initiate charges. Use all tools at his disposal. Including this.
How?
What would we say to the police?
When he was falsely arrested
When he was falsely arrested they invariably took a police report and found he had defensive wounds. I would suggest that he initiate charges against BM for that incident. The police should have the record of that incident.
He really does need to initiate a zero tolerance and full pain campaign against his violent X and do what is neccessarey determine whether or not he is this kids biological father. If he is, he needs to do what is necessary to get his kid the hell away from that crazy whack job.
The police report
The only thing left of it is the NFA report which doesn't say anything about the injuries he sustained. But his brother witnessed it, and saw something cut him. When my husband and I got together I repaired the top for him, it was only a little cut
Of course it's not your fault
Of course it's not your fault. These are just issues that your partner didn't handle in the past.
I had a boyfriend whose ex said that she was pregnant and that it was his child. So we also demamded a DNA test cause he said it was impossible.She refused so we decided to spy on her and inslalled an ap which gave us the access to her phone( here it is, maybe you need https://mspylite.com/how-to-read-text-messages-from-another-phone-distan...) and found out that she was writing the same thing to the other guy. So be very careful. If your man says she cheated then maybe it's really not his child.