Activities
So - my exh has a girlfriend now and since they started dating EVERYTHING has been an issue where we used to get along great. exh nitpicks everything I do and say now, right down to trying to dictate what I feed our child for dinner! recently he has indicated that he will be moving in with his girlfriend at some point in the future, which just so happens to be an hour away from where we live now. He is also pushing to move our child to private school for no reason at all, after we already agreed on schools, i think he's trying to set it up to move her school to where his GF lives.
anyway, a week or so ago, he had our child ask me if I would allow her to go to an activity that he had already signed her up for - without asking or even MENTIONING it to me - and this activity is in his GFs town which is - again- an hour away from where we BOTH live now. so i have to tell our child that i need to talk to her dad about it - since i had no details at that point . turns out its every Saturday at 10am for the next 34 weeks!!! which means that without even mentioning it to me, he has tried to dictate every one of my saturdays with my child through the end of next May.
I had asked if we could do the same kind of class here where we live earlier in the summer and he said no, so i respected him and didnt sign her up. so when i found out about this, i was really upset. i asked him if we could do a class in-between here and where his GF lives, he said NO. he told me that she can go every other weekend (on his weekends) to this class he signed her up for, but then may not be able to do the recital. and he has our child asking me if i will please let her go!! i want so much to just say no - i feel he is trying to just walk all over me. but i dont want our child to feel this is my fault. do I explain it to her (she is 6 btw)? or what do i do? Saturdays are our only family time in our home, and I hate to spend 3+ hours of each of them doing something I didnt even agree to. Im considering letting her go maybe one weekend a month, but im worried if i even give in a little, he will continue to push me further.
any thoughts?
While I fully admit, you
While I fully admit, you should probably be a better person then me...
I would tell Ex & DD6 that I would be willing to compromise by allowing daddy to pick her up on MY time, take her to class and bring her right back so I can continue my parenting time with as little interruption as possible given Dad signed her up for this without my knowledge or consent. You are being gracious by allowing her to participate & Dad made the commitment not you.
DH had a similar situation and this passive aggressive technique worked perfectly BM's new baby daddy picked SD up & dropped off SD twice before "SD doesn't want to do gymnastics anymore."
Speaking from experience and
Speaking from experience and If you ask Jabba she would also tell you DH changed when he and I started dating again. She would be right. Sometimes it's not from a bad place and while H asked Jabba for primary of Chucky he did not "set it up". She said no and he asked for proper visitation instead.
We all have a perspective. Maybe this GF has one too where she feels her squeeze is getting a bad deal. Doesn't make it right or wrong. Just an opinion.
I agree with tommar2465 watch
I agree with tommar2465 watch your back momma, this man is plotting.
And the future SM is plotting
And the future SM is plotting as well.
Do not allow this. You are
Do not allow this. You are being set up to have a change in custody.
It's your child and your
It's your child and your time. Do what you want/think is best.
If I didn't want to do this activity, I wouldn't do it. Tell the kid, "Your dad wanted to do this activity with you, so you'll be doing it when you're with him. When you're with me we'll be doing things you and I together." If she's worried about the recital (which I doubt will be her problem, more likely something dad has talked to her about), just say, "Aw, that would be too bad if you missed the recital due to other plans. Something things don't work out the way we want. But that's ok too. Just enjoy the time that you have with your dad and your activities with him."
I'd also tell my ex, "Look, I understand that you're keen to have DD6 participate in this activity, but I'm not willing to miss out on time with her and I'm not willing to do the driving. So she won't be able to go on my weekends. In the future, it will save you money and frustration if you just don't book her into activities during my custody time. Hopefully there will be activities we agree on and can facilitate for her, but we'll have to figure out a way to talk about those in advance. Sorry that you're disappointed with the outcome this time."
^^^^^^^perfect^^^^^^
^^^^^^^perfect^^^^^^
If you cave on this point,
If you cave on this point, what will be the next issue. Aren't you the same poster that said EXH is trying to get you to move your kid to another school, closer to his new GF's house.
You are totally being set up. Stand your ground. It's perfectly ok to be the bitch sometimes. AND it's perfectly ok to say NO to a child. She will get over it.
yes, I am the same poster. I
yes, I am the same poster. I understand that he is probably trying to set it up to move her schools there. I just dont know HOW i am supposed to stop it.
Personally I would say no
Personally I would say no just because he didn't talk to you first before scheduling your life. He is playing the whole "easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission". Your daughter can attend on his weeks and you have the right to decide what you do on your time. He would think twice next time if this blew up in his face. So this every week thing he said no to in your town when you asked this summer he went ahead and signed her up for in a town one hour away where he plans to move. I personally think he is trying to set her life in the new town. It is easier to pull the school card if the child's activities and friends are already there. I like what Moeilijk said in the last paragraph, that is a great way to handle the ex.
I agree - i dont see how one
I agree - i dont see how one activity could sway a judge to change custody. maybe it would sway a court on schools though (community/friends).
if I say she can go to the activity if he does all the driving - then Im still hung up on the fact that im giving up a good chunk of our saturday together. i dont see him wanting to do it each time though - that would be 4 hours of driving for him (assuming he was staying at the GFs house, which they always do now).
BM would set things up on
BM would set things up on DH's time and then cancel the visitation because of it. She got in trouble with the judge who asked her why she wanted to "borrow trouble." The judge said that her job was to provide the skids for visitation. Whether or not DH took them to the activities BM had set up was between DH and the skids. NOT BM's decision to choose whether or not they go for visitation.
Even though you are the CP and not NCP, I would think it is the same thing.
He's doing exactly what I
He's doing exactly what I told you to do in your other post. He's making her life there so when he takes you back to court he will have made her community his town and not yours.