At my wits end with my 9yr SS
Hi i'm new here so this is my first post not sure exactly where to start either :S.
Some history...
My partner's ex dumped his kids and their stuff on the lawn so he decided to go for custody at that time his son was 2 and daughter 9 months old I took them under my wing toilet trained his son, taught his girl to walk put her on solids etc everything then about 4 months after i fell pregnant with our bd. My partners ex was in a sense a crazy loopy bitch who refused contact with her kids. During my bd first 8 months it was trying on my sanity I was a young mum (well i felt so) at 19, my partner & i had some issues we managed to sort through them but at that time it was hard for me I went from studying to being a full time parent to 3 kids and his ss started talking about his mother all the time how he wished she would visit etc and we would try ringing her .... nothing. My partner sent our sk's to his brothers and our bd went to my mothers so we could have a break and sort US out without any of them around so we did that... bd came back first then the other two were ment to be coming back till we get a txt from bm how she loves them misses them and had a great visit with the kids today.... WHAT???? (Custody order says on our terms only as she refused to file for visitation) we picked the kids up from his brothers place to find ss bawling his eyes out for his mother this went on and on for weeks no matter what we did nothing would help him and this is at 21/2- 3 years old so that had to impact him so we spoke to his mother and arranged a temporary variation of order so that he could stay with her on certain terms e.g she couldn't move around flipantly, she HAD to stay in contact the list was long but they all agreed to it and he seemed so happy to have his "mum" back and we kept up with visiting him. Long story short we moved to Christchurch a year or so later and kept phone & skype contact had another baby everything was great after 3 years and the earthquakes down there we moved back to Auckland where we discovered that everything on the phone was a con his mother coached him through everything and the ministry of education & cyfs (government agencys in nz) wanted us to uplift him and put him into school as he had been to 6 different schools in his first year of schooling and missed half his second year and moved around the country side (Breach of the order we had in place)we were hesitant we didn't want to emotionally damage the poor boy so we discussed it with him and he seemed happy with it and started telling us about the things he had witnessed while in her care (not things a kid should ever witness regardless of age) and how he didn't want to be there so we up lifted him.
Put him into school, had to get everything for him because there was no way she was giving us anything .. shes that petty but the clothing had to be replaced anyhow as half the shit he had was stuff we got him when he was 2 & 3 yeah on a 7 year old that's not right let alone doesn't even fit properly. We did all this! he was happy! WAS!
Financially it's a bit harder now but we survive on one income till we relocate for my job then we are buying in that city permanently because we want them to all have a stable upbringing and with two incomes it will be a bit easier for us to provide for 4 children.
How is it NOW....
After a few weeks of nicey nicey his realness came out i was expecting it but NOT to the point it is......... psycho tantrums, threatening his sisters with objects, stealing food, items, anything really he thinks its okay because his mother used to get him to steal ARGH, getting on the computer at all hours of the night looking at porn & game sites i'm changing the password AGAIN today! he walks in and will pull the girls hair or hurt them by kicking them etc we have caught him trying to strangle my 5 yrbd & my 7yr sd and at one point nearly slit her throat with scizzors add to that the smashed cupboards n walls. I'm over it counselling hasn't worked, taking all his shit out of his room hasnt worked, reward system didn't work, good old fashioned smack didn't work, putting him in his room for time out didn't work, putting him anywhere for time out didn't work, every discipline measure we have been told about is not working 
In all honestly I don't know how much longer i can put up with all this crap anyone else have any idea's on what we can do to help him???
Open to any ideas right now
:?
Unless i am totally
Unless i am totally misunderstanding you, i just have one question. What do you expect from the kid? Biomom gave him to you guys. You guys gave him to his uncle and then took him back when uncle let him see his mom. You then give him to his mom and move a couple of times and now...you have him back but is not living up to your standards. Are you kidding me? Kids aren't a "source of convenience", to be given away when the going gets tough. If you guys were awarded custody, there was a reason for it. It was you gys who decided to have the arrangement changed. Not because it was convenient for the boy, but because it was convenient for you. I feel sorry for the boy. I suggest you guys get real and learn how to be parents before attempting to co-parent. And i suggest you do it real fast because this poor kid hasn't a chance for a productive life because of the way he has been thrown to the wind.
You did misunderstand me and
You did misunderstand me and have it all wrong. Re-reading my post I can see how you did maybe find that view because I left out a lot but I didn't want to write a story so the things you have written are false we never GAVE him to his uncle he stayed there 1 week on holiday with his little sister, WE never took him back because he wasnt living up to our standards when living with his mother we HAD to because of government agencys who said if we dont get him he goes into care.
It was never about convenience for us it was what was best for him!
He used to cry and cry for his mother we got him passed that into a happy little boy then while on holiday it got fucked up when he saw his mother and she got us she really did making out she had changed when she hadn't so yes our fuck up there. All ive done is try and help him and be there for him and what your saying is thats not good enough and makes me a bad parent well thanks.