Hi everyone am new to the site and am so glad I happened to find it.

Here is my situation, My partner and I have been together for 6yrs now, I have one child from previous relationship D11, we have 2 children together D7, and S4. He has been married before and has 2D who are his step children (who he treats as his own flesh and blood) aged 16 and 18. The BM decided to move to another state after the split and an agreement was made for the SD's to come visit twice a year. Which almost never happened unless I paid for it (I now refuse to pay as they are more financial than us). At first there was a lot of resentment from both SD's as they believed I had stolen there Father away from them. My issue is everytime they have come to visit lies have been told and trouble has been caused, I have tried to put up with it for the sake of my partner as we have been trying to build a life together and have been talking about getting married etc etc. It does not help that the BM's sister also decides to have her say when the SD's come to visit and that the BM makes sure they stay at the Aunts and we only get a certain amount of access. Things have progressively got worse to the point of I am now at my wits end with these children, they have told there BM that I am nasty when my partner isn't around which I have only been left once by myself which was 3yrs ago and the eldest SD decided she would cause trouble so she didn't have to stay with me while my partner was at work, I have been called all the names under the sun by the BM and Aunt every single time, I dread when I am told either child is coming to visit! The eldest couldn't be less bothered to have contact with my partner since moving he has had a total of 6 hone calls in 6 years but plays the guilt trip that "that he makes them feel non existant" sorry but it wasn't his fault or mine your BM decided to move you so far away from him. Now only the youngest comes to visit but always causes trouble when she gets her so she can get her own way when she is here. I get told by BM via my partner that I am immature and childish because I can not accept her children. Sorry but they are not mine and technically not Bio his either and my 3 children (2 of them his) get caught up in all the arguements. As I feel my partner does not stick up for me enough and if he had nipped the trouble making the first time they visited and set the BM straight then we would have had more pleasant visits. I can understand coming from a broken marriage myself how you feel like you are losing everything you love (I get that) and I have NEVER told my partner he had to choose which they all feel I have, I let him make up his own mind. He knows what they are like and he says to me I agree with you (me) about how they disrespect me, lie about me etc etc but does not want to do anything to upset the apple cart and lose anyone. This time around BM has decided that she would have a rule of the youngest SD not to be left alone with me whether at our home or in the car or anywhere, we were not told this rule before she came and my partner thinks it is soooo petty! the issue with this is we have a car that will not fit all of us! so when I went to pick up the SD from her aunts with only my 2D's after picking them up from school and my partner stayed home with our young son. Only to be greeted rather nastily by the aunt and told of this rule. And since then the aunt has threatened violence on me and my partner has decided that the SD can not be around me or my children because of this and I am being blamed yet again for his decision, I feel I am damned if I do and damned if I don't, as I used to try and make things work, then I decided to distance myself, then when things got bad I decided to not even speak at all and I still get blamed. I love my parter but this time I have told him I will not put myself or our 3 children in a no win situation or in danger. He agrees with me but I can see he is hurting as he is stuck in the middle of it all. I decided a long time ago I was trying too hard to make it better for my partner as I don't like seeing him so upset when he can't see them all the time like he used to, but I feel these 2SD's now they are older need to grow up and see the bigger picture and realise how this hurts him. But I feel they are only interested in making me and my partner upset and hurt by their behaviour and them and their BM putting guilt trips on him isn't helping the situation. What to do??