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I just couldn't cope...and I'm not sure where things stand now

g3m1n1m4n's picture

Hi all. I'm in a terrible bind. Let me give some background. I'm 41, divorced with 3 teenage children. I have a daughter who's now 19 and two sons aged 15 and 17. They live with my Ex, who I get along with.

Well, nearly three years ago I met my current partner. After about 4 months I met her (at the time) 10 yo daughter. I thought at the time "hey this ok...I have three kids, I can deal with another; we should 'blend' well."

After about 8 months we both felt it would be right for me to move in. 12 months later I moved out!

The 12 months have been nothing short of a roller coaster. I've watched from the sidelines, feeling like an overstayed house guest, the two of them argue, brood, shout...you know the stuff that goes on between parents and their preadolescent kids. There are a few extenuating circumstances that make their relationship a bit more fiery than normal (e.g her Ex provoking issues and making their daughter feel awkward about me being in her life). But then again what is normal?

However, I can't cope with the feeling of being on the outer and watching them interact in such a volatile fashion. I've raised this with my partner in the past. I've explained what it makes me feel. For a little while my partner tries to tone down her reactions, but it just goes back to the same old same old.

Well like I said, it came to a point where my peace of mind and sanity took precedent and I, with great pain, moved out. That was three months ago. I'm now back to dating my partner. We see each other on every second weekend and one week night while her daughter is with her father.

The absolutely gut wrenching problem I have now, is that I don't think I could go back into this relationship full time with the real possibility that things would repeat themselves.

I love my partner so very much, but not her daughter. I'm now living in loves twilight zone Sad

Is this relationship over? Can things change? If so what? Anyone got any suggestions?

wastingaway's picture

Well, I am married to my husband now and all I can say is DON'T GO BACK. At least until her kids are out of the house. I love my husband too, but I can't deal with his kids--especially when my own bio-kids aren't around. I guess it is pretty much a package deal when they are under 18. Sounds like we both are learning the hard way, except I dove in and you are still tipping your toes in the water. It is still the same ocean. Just don't get yourself stuck.

Rags's picture

Why would you persue a relationship with a person who is a useless POS parent? People of character are not useless POS parents. SO, pull your head out, move on, and find someone who is worth a shit to build a life with.

Just sayin.

For the life of me I will never be able to understand why people seem to think that a person with a blaring character flaw will miraculously just get better and become a person of character. :? But I lub them...if only ... then they would be perfect... is just smoking the Kool-Aid flavored crack folks.