Emotional Blackmail from my stepson
I am looking for some non biased advice/guidance.
I have been with my husband for 5 years and married for 3. He has a 12 yr old boy from a previous marriage of which broke down when my step son was 2 due to his ex wife being a heavy alcholic. Long storey short social services told my husband that he needed to remove his son from the situation. He did and tried to make his marriage work and went back twice but with no avail. Unfortunately because my husband was self employed and worked alot to pay the bills his ex wife (even though an alcholic) got custody of my stepson as she was considered more stable because she was there to take him and pick him up from school even though she lost her licence twice through drink driving!
Anyway, since I mved in with my husband the care of my stepson was split 50/50. From day one I have had a very good relasionship with my stepson. I dropped my hours due to work issues and offered to do the school drop off and pick ups on fridays. This continued for 3 years. y husband and I married in 2016 and our daughter cam along in 2017. My step son and daughter get on well which I was quite surprised about. However tensions between my stepson and I have been on edge now for just over 1 year. It has now come to my stepson blackmailing my husband saying he will never see him again unless he divorces me, now he refuses to come over nad my husbands ex is now arguing with my husband telling him to sort it. My husband will not disipline his son, allows him to be very disrespectful towards me, calling me a b"*'h. He can see that my husband feels guilty for my stepsons life being like this and for not being with his mum. My stepson uses this and emoionally blackmails him. My husband will now not say no to my stepson, we argue constantly, he never respects my infront of my stepson and generally agrees that my stepson is allowed to feel like this therefore justifying his behaviour. I feel sick to my stomach every time he is due to come over and I have infact been living in hotels and at friend every other weekend for the last 6 weeks so that there isnt a clash. This is effecting my daughter and I just dont know what top do for the best. My husbnd doesnt interact wioth our daughter and I do 99% of everything to do with her.
Im slowly being pushed out of my own home and made to feel like a big mistake. I live in fear of talking in my own home because god for bid if I say something that will upset my stepson, so therefore he rules the household.
Im slowly coming round to the idea that separation is the only option but then part of me thinks why should I go because thats giving into my stepson.
I really need some advice! Thanking in advance
If I had ever called my
If I had ever called my mother a bitch she would have backhanded me into the next room. That you tolerate it from SS IS SURPRISING. That DH didn't kick his kid's ass for speaking to his wife that way tells more than I care to know about he ball-less wonder of a non man you are married to.
smh
Your husband is the problem,
Your husband is the problem, not your stepson. He's allowing the child to push you out (probably what his mother wants) and not helping you parent your joint child. Why stay with someone who cares so little for you?
Sorry, this must be hard. You aren't letting your SS win, you are taking care of yourself.
Why would you want to be with a man
Who doesn't respect you. He and SS makes a good pair. You never were in the game, so you can't win.
The stepson and his behavior
The stepson and his behavior are a problem, but not the primary one. The biggest problem is your husband, who clearly does not act like he loves, respects and values you. I could not remain in a marriage like that.
"Im slowly coming round to
"Im slowly coming round to the idea that separation is the only option but then part of me thinks why should I go because thats giving into my stepson."
But why stay if it's making you miserable? If I were you, I 'd go and find a pitbull lawyer who will advise you on on your rights concerning a divorce. I'd also be inclined to make your husband feel the divorce keenly and understand exactly what he is losing when you leave - hence a pitbull lawyer. Go for it!
My husband tells me he loves
My husband tells me he loves me and our daughter one moment and then the next is so angry with the situation. I havent just left yet because i cant afford to move out and pay for my daughter. I work too many housr and my wage is over the threshold therefore if my husband never see his daughter I would still only get £200. I cant afford rent and nursery fees which would mean losing my career and moving back to my dads 150miles away, my daughter looses out as she loves her nursery, i lose my career and my friends. Thats why I havent done it yet, there is so much at stake.
How old is your Daughter?
How much longer will she need nursery school? Will school fees be less (I am not familiar with the UK). You need to get a plan to either get a paying job, more hours or whatever.
I have a good paying job and
I have a good paying job and work 32hr a week. Monday to Thursday. But the cost of childcare and the cost of rental is just way too much to do on my own. It just totally sucks. Tried council housing but because our life isn't in danger we are low risk and could take 6months to a Yr.
Could you at least get on the
Could you at least get on the list for council housing while you explore other options?