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Confused Stepson...???

Mrshfrown's picture

Submitted by Mrshfrown on Wed, 12/26/2018 - 1:49am

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Parenting Issues

Married almost 3 years. I have a 6 year old stepson, T, who was conceived from an affair, so my husband isnt his bio dad. Bio mom just told T that the only dad he's ever had isn't his real dad. Now T is acting differently and is choosing not to come over to our house. Any ideas? Anyone been through this??? Please help!!!

LetLoveGrow's picture

Submitted by LetLoveGrow on Wed, 12/26/2018 - 5:39am

I think the course of action needs to be based on why BM told him that your DH wasnt his dad. Is BM dating again? Does she know who the real father is? Is she trying to angle for child support and doesnt know wheyher to get it from DH or bio dad? 

If DH has been out of the every day picture for T for 3 years amsnd he is only 6 right now, he's probably trying to process what this all means. It sounds like DH should have a conversation with T, see how he is feeling and continue to be fatherly to him if he so desires. But keep an eye out for BM. She's up to something.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Wed, 12/26/2018 - 9:33am

Does DH wants to be a father figure?  Will Bio father come back into picture later ?   Really bad place to be in. To invest into SS and real Bio father rides in at a latter date with some B.S. story why he did not see SS 

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Wed, 12/26/2018 - 12:02pm

I think the bio Dad has turned up and may be demanding time with his son. If your DH pays CS this would be her way of making sure she keeps getting CS and keeps SS away from DH because he is seeing his 'real' Daddy.

I would watch what happens. When SS says DH isn't is real Dad ask him who is. Because a 'real' dad is someone who oves you and takes care of you and makes usre you get to school, you have clean clothes and warm food (insert something special DH and SS do together).

Some gentle probing will get there. My GS tells me his Dads gf yells at him. I asked him if she yells at enyone else and he said yes. So it isn't just GS but everyone in the house. I just said 'Wll I think she is very sad inside and doesn't have an inside voice."

Survivingstephell's picture

Submitted by Survivingstephell on Wed, 12/26/2018 - 12:13pm

Looks like BM is getting ready to eliminate Dh from Ss life.  There was another story like this on here years ago.  The BM wrecked havoc on all involved.   Search for Ghostwhocooksdinner to read her saga.  

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 12/26/2018 - 1:43pm

Be careful. In situations like this I have heard that your DH can be forced to pay CS forever and never see the kid because it is too hard for him but the support has been established so the non-dad still has to pay. If I was you guys I would consult an attorney ASAP.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 12/27/2018 - 11:46am

If your DH is on the birth certificate then he is dad.  If there is a Custody/Visitation/Support order in place. If so, a 6yo doesn't get to choose whether or not he visits dad and BM needs to be dragged to court by the short and curlies, whacked about the head and shoulders with the CO and nailed with a contempt order for failing to surrender the child for visitation as ordered.