blended familes
Tough times blending 7 children which consist of his hers n ours...tough line of love and how fragile it can be...I loveaall 7 of my children...my bio kids I love them, good or bad right or wrong...no matter my mood they know mama loves them...on the other end my step children I feel I have to over extend my love...which causes a jealousy issue so I try to keep it equal...my bio children by another relationship are our 3 older children 19, 17, 13 very strong minded n vocal where my step children are 13 & 11 and very timid n sarcastic...and our children together 5 & 3....when children were younger things were so much easier but now that they have developed a mind of their own its so much harder to blend the personalities...my 3 older children have no dad in the picture but for xmas n maybe a birthday here n there and we have 100% custody no support...where my step children has a mother and we share 50/50 custody...with both parents n a step mom they get alot of love...and their mother provides for them on the high end as its easier to when you only have 2 kids...so as you could see the extras cause a huge conflict with my spouse...how can we control who gets what when the other parents provide it...when my stepkids go to professional games n get top line clothing vs my bio children barely getting the necessities. ..any thing is excepted by my bio children vs I either dont buy what my step children like or their mom already bought it or not their standards...im hurt cause what I do is never enough for my stepchildren...and I can only make them happy with top notch and our family cant afford top notch or stay up with the newest electronic games or ipads....i want to be fair...I need help what boundaries to set...how to address my spouse as this is a sore subject...
Just this morning I text my step children that I was bring home breakfast(fast food is not bought too frequently as we have 5 growing boys) please let my bio son know to wait for me to get home... (bio sons phone not working)...when I get home they all come down stairs and my 11 year old stepson walk out the door to leaves to school...I ran to the door to ask why he didnt want to eat, as I was try to do a good thing, and he responds I was just gonna eat at school...this is just one instant...I know their kids but im trying, but couldnt help but to be hurt over it...
Stop allowing material
Stop allowing material objects in your home? That way all the kids are treated equally there. Obviously clothing would be difficult but we have never allowed SD to bring over any toys/electronics to our house she has her own stuff here. I think it has helped her to appreciate what we CAN give her here.
Thank you for your
Thank you for your imput...
What about my Bio children who get gifts from their bio father who is not in the picture but sends gifts now and than.. do I not allow them to accept them..which recently have been upgraded phone,, and dre beats...which I could never be able to purchase for the other children...spouse feels he should be able to match Bio fathers gifts with my step children..which step children already have dre beats at their mothers..or if bio father sends my bio children $100 than my spouse feels we need to give my Step children a $100, which than my biochildren want $100 from us also....
Your BKs are too darn old to
Your BKs are too darn old to be playing this game. If the 19 and 17 year olds want what their stepsibs have, then tell them to get a job and pay it.
So then it gets put aside
So then it gets put aside when your skids are home 50% of the time? I see DH's point... this is uncharted territory for me only one set of skids here.
To be frank I have yet to
To be frank I have yet to read this book and have never advocated anything in it because I have not read it. I have heard it has some great parallel parenting advice so I think I have brought it up once or twice in this forum. Like I said bellow I have a very different blended family and have little advice to offer. I don't believe in taking a book as a bible and following it to a T. Some things work for some families while others do not.
Life isn't fair and this
Life isn't fair and this should be taught now. Also, the kids should be taught that they have different sets of parents and that's the way it is. You and DH trying to materialistically compensate is teaching and sending the wrong message.
My DH and I provide better for SS than his BM. We have taught him to appreciate what BM can provide and what we can provide.
I would say you are better
I would say you are better off listening to these ladies they have been at it ALOT longer then I have :). The rules we have in our home are because I have very young skids whom cant be held accountable for their belongings. BM could care less about being responsible about them as well. SD has also admitted that she feels as though she is leaving people behind carrying belongings from home to home. I am sure as they grow older it will change.