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Glassapple's picture

Do your step children ever call you mom? How does bio mom feel about that? How did that come about? If not are you happy being called by your name?

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

My stepchildren all call me
mom. It's their choice. I don't care what they call me. BM1 doesn't care. BM2 threw a
fit and tried to get the judge to order SD8
not to call me
mom. The judge told her to get a life. BM3 tried to get SD4, who was 2 at the time, not to call me
mom. SD4 makes her own choices in that department.
She calls me Mamayan. I don't know what it means but whatever it is, it means me.

I understand why the BMs don't like it. But we have custody of the kids, and they pick this up from my kids. I don't want to discourage them because I don't want to draw a divide or alienate them. They've had plenty of that before I was in the picture.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Yes, and I despise every single one of them. They're shitty mothers and their kids would be better off if they'd catch fire and burn to cinders.

Honestly, anymore, BM1 and BM2 are non issues. I've gotten them trained to keep a low profile and remain outside my scope. BM1 never bothered me. BM2 tried, and I made her life a living hell for about 8 months until she finally learned the valuable lesson that I am just better at it and completely ruthless. Unfortunately, I made a big mistake with BM3. I was amicable with her, I saw her potential to be a good mom, and I was suckered by SD4's love for her. I bent over backwards to encourage them to be close by being accomodating and fair. That wasn't appreciated, and in the past 3 years, BM3 has backslid into being a worthless self centered piece of trash. Now the gloves are off and I'm not doing her any more favors or trying to hide her behavior from SD. I just ripped the band-aid off and cut her off with no notice. Eventually she'll stalk off into the sunset with the other two and maybe these kids will have a shot.

briarmommy's picture

My SS called me mom last summer but it made his mom upset so he stopped, I wasn't really comfortable with it either so I was glad it was ended. But it was early on in SS's and I's closer relationship and I was scared to tell him no, I'm not afraid like that anymore. He started calling me Stepmom just Stepmom last fall and a couple months ago I got brave enough to tell my DH it made me uncofortable and it sounded wierd would he have SS call me by my first name not Stepmom. Now my SS calls me by my first name and I feel a lot more comfortable. But I think it really depends on the kids and the relationship they have with the stepmom and what is comfortable for both.

darned confused's picture

My SD too. I will never be her mama. My BS called my DH Mr Doug still though he knows it ok to just call him Doug. (respectful and all that!)

caregiver1127's picture

My SS asked me on the day of my wedding to DH if he could call me mom and I said yes - BM knew he was going to and he was coming to live full time with DH and I - 700 miles from his mother (her choice) so when he asked I said yes. Sometimes when he is very disrespectful then I wish he would not call me mom (I was very respectful to my mother and would never say or do some of the things he has) but when you are a mom you take the good with the bad. I am not sure if it bothered his mother because he has called me mom many times when he was on the phone with her and then when he went back to live with her he has called me many times and called me Mom and I can hear her in the background. It depends on the situation and every situation is different.

Still Have Hope's picture

I married their dad when they were 3 and 4 years old. They have always called me by my first name. They have a mother and they call her Mommy. I wouldn't want it any other way.

stepmama2one's picture

My stepdaughter calls me by my first name. She gets into the mood of asking,"Can I call you mom?" I just tell her that I would love her to but that its not right for her to call me mom because she has a mom and I wouldnt want her to call anyone other than her dad "dad". She understands and just says okay. Sometimes it slips and she says "mom" but thats okay.

IMightBeWicked's picture

My SS calls me by my first name. On drawings, he writes stepmom and will tell other kids I'm his stepmom. I don't mind being called by my first name, except he calls his stepdad Mr. FirstName. We live in the south, and that's considered very respectful. Sometimes I wish he would call me something besides just my first name as a sign of respec, to show that I'm more than just another person in his life. But that's not in the cards in our situation. If he ever called me Mom and his BM found out, she'd flip her lid.

Stomtrooper's picture

I became stepmom to SD when she was 7. Shortly after I married DH she asked what she should call me. I told her she could call me anything she felt comfortable with as long as it is
Respectful. She decided on "Stom". It's her own special name and describes our special relationship. I'm not her mom, but I mean a little more than just a first name. I love it.