Wife says I need to give it time
Im a step dad soon to be dad to a 19 year old girl. I've been married to her mom for 10 years now in March. I have always been there supporting her. I lived her since I married her mom. Though I kept my distance because I was afraid she would tell me your not my dad. I finally asked her if she would take my name she said yes. I feel as if I have failed her emotionally and want nothing more than to spend time with her. She on the other hand does not. She texted me saying that she doesn't see me as her step dad but her dad. All her aunts and mom and grandmother tell me she loves me as her dad. When I ask her how she feels me, she says my mother already said it. If I ask her to go to the mall /breakfast/dinner she says no she's OK. But, let her cousins or a guy ask her out and she goes.she doesn't tell me about her day or anything I'm only the guy who gives her money and gives her permission to go out. I feel like I'm being lied to. My wife says give it time she will tell you she loves you on her own time After 10 years with living with someone I would think that words should be easy to say. Am I being impatient
My interpretation?
My interpretation?
She doesn't view you like a dad. She feels like she has to, and her family has snowballed that for her. I think this is a situation of everyone is pushing her to feel something she doesn't but doesn't want to hurt feelings, either. She likely cares about you, but you aren't her dad.
I would let it go. She has made it clear TO YOU what she wants, which is a relationship at arm's length. Respect that.
Maybe she tells them she
Maybe she tells them she considers you her dad because you give her money -- and only because of that.
After 10 years, I think you're getting as much as you'll ever get from your stepdaughter.
If you feel you've invested too much for what you're getting back, pull back. At 19, she doesn't need your money or attention. See if pulling back brings her closer. It may be that you always tried all these years, so she's taken you for granted.
It really does hurt when you try and try and get nothing back. Your stepdaughter is an adult now, so your relationship probably won't change dramatically at this point.
At 19 invitations from your
At 19 invitations from your contemporaries are head and shoulders more interesting than invitations to do things with your parents or step parents.
She may respect and care for you but be uncomfortable with the "love" words towards you.. or maybe doesn't feel that way. Honestly, if she is otherwise a good kid and you haven't had bad issues with her.. looking for her to "love" you would seem a bit more than is necessary.
Her mom picked you as a partner.. she loves you. Her children are not obligated to do the same.. you also are not obligated to "do" for them if you don't want to... it's a 2 way street.
It sounds like your
It sounds like your stepdaughter is treating you the same way I treated my own biological father at 19. I wasn't nearly as interested in going places with him as I was in going out with my friends. I'd go places with him occasionally, usually when it involved food or maybe something done for me on his dime, but I really didn't want to talk about boring, adult stuff and that is what it was to me because he was not my age group. I didn't want to answer his questions about my school day or my work day. I was afraid he'd hand out advice because that is what dads do. Yes, I'm guilty of having thought of him a bit as the man who helped fund my fun back then. I'm a long way from 19 now. I'm in my early 50s and my dad passed away when I was in my 20s. I think she has told you how she feels. She has practically knighted you by telling you that you are like her dad to her. Take her word for it. Expressing sensitive emotions was enormously awkward to me at that age. Yes, give it time, like 10 or 20 years.
It's her age, not a lack of love for you.
This is very true... at 19
This is very true... at 19 the LAST person I would hang out with was my dad and listen to all his "wellmeaning" advice. lol.
Blanking you? Choosing
Blanking you? Choosing friends, same-age cousins and especially guy-friends over you?
She's treating you exactly like a dad.