First of all, I want to apologize for a long post. I don't have many friends who are parents, or even in a relationship. I have a hard time talking to my friends since they don't understand what I am going through. So part of this, I need to rant, and I also have some questions at the end.

I have been with DH for 8 years, married 4. SD is 9 and we have residential custody, joint legal with BM. Last year BM met a guy at work, and after 3 months dating they got engaged, then married another 3 months after that. Immediately SD was saying how they wanted to have a baby together. I have been trying to get pregnant for the last few years. Now, BM is expecting and due in October. I have been struggling with insecurity and jealousy over this since we found out. I know it's silly, but I feel inadequate and "defective". I am also heart broken because I had all these plans on how to tell SD she was finally going to be a big sister!

I'm working through those feelings and just trying to enjoy SD, but it's hard when she wants to talk about her mom and her pregnancy all the time. In the summer she is with us 2 weeks and then her BM and step dad 2 weeks. BM was paying child support, but payments stopped in March. This is the time she found out she was pregnant. BM was also supposed to be providing insurance for SD per the court order. We didn't say anything about the lack of child support, until we got a letter regarding a hearing to hold her in contempt. The hearing didn't end up happening because she moved with her husband out of the house they were in, and apparently didn't have mail forwarded as their letter ended up being sent back to the court house. Anyway, I finally confronted her (kindly) to "warn her" of the hearing, turns out she is not working, so no income, no child support, no health insurance (would have been great to hear from her when she stopped working, but we had to figure it out ourselves!) Anyway....I guess she stopped working when she found out she was pregnant. SD now thinks people just don't work when they are pregnant. I realize there can be medical reasons, but I'm pretty sure she could hold some sort of job, or could have at least told us she stopped working.

Well, none of that really concerns us except we aren't getting child support, but we don't really "need"/depend on it. I was going to use it to help pay for SD's birthday, and dance lessons, but we will do that ourselves. Oh, and last year she had a lapse between jobs and fell behind on support, but we got the back child support from her taxes. Don't think she filed this year, which sucks as it was her year to claim SD (we alternate years). All of this I am sure will come to light when the hearing eventually happens.

HERE IS WHERE I AM REALLY CONCERNED

BM moved into a trailer with SD's older half brother and step dad. SD told us there was a leak in the roof of the bathroom she shares with her brother. Then, when we were talking yesterday, she told me that her step dad "got the electricity turned back on". I asked if it had been out and she said that "some people moved their trailer that was next to us and now it's just a big space". So I asked, "That made your power go out?" She responded, "Yeah. Well, we don't really know."

I'm pretty sure this actually means that BM didn't want us to find out that the electric bill wasn't paid and the power was shut off. Now, I know things happen and I have forgotten to pay a bill before, but they give you warning. And, if they are living on one salary now, I'm sure there are some financial struggles.

I am very concerned about her well being there, especially after the baby is born. Less time and money to care for her, plus BM has a history of not caring for infants (hence why she and DH broke things off after SD was born). DH and I had "joked" about giving them money when we got some child support back to fix their roof. But if they are struggling to pay their bills, I am seriously wanting to just say we don’t need the child support. I am concerned not only for SD, but her half and step siblings as well. My husband said we can’t reject child support payments since it is a court order. Would we have to do another hearing of some sort to get it changed, and would we even be able to say we don’t need it? I mean, we can use it to care for SD, but I feel it is better used there. Is it weird to give BM money to help care for SD?

It is aggravating that DH and I work multiple jobs and work hard for our family and waited to have a baby until we were financially stable, and now can’t seem to get pregnant, while BM sloughs off and has another child when she can barely care for the 2 she has. I am torn between jealousy of her pregnancy, and worry of SD's care when she is there.