Hello I have been lurking here for some time, but this is my first post. I have been living with my fiance for about 3 years. He has two sons ages 19 and 21. The youngest one lives with us; the older one has his own apartment. My fiance has MS and uses a wheelchair. I am his primary caregiver at this time, because the kids really do not help much at all. They are both mechanics, and I have had to put up with various cars in the garage at various times. The neighbors have complained because at times this place looks like a junk yard. We have had truck cabs in the garden, junk sitting around outside, etc.

The oldest now has a 3-bay garage that he rents. He is very disrespectful and rude. I have had to put up with him coming over, and just ignoring me. He walks in like he owns the place, acts hostile, and has let the door open so that my cats get out. We have had to bolt the back door shut because of this, which is technically a fire hazard. He has brought his friends over and introduced them to his dad, but not said a word to me when I am sitting right there. I have gone off yelling and screaming at him already, but most times I just hide in the bedroom while he is there.

The youngest can be ok most of the time, but he can be very lazy and sloppy. He leaves clothes and dirty socks all over the house for me and my fiance's helpers to clean up. He does not pay any rent, and he is still on his dad's car insurance because he has 4 cars and cannot afford it on his own.

The Bio-mom is an alcoholic and never seems to have any money. The youngest gave his mom one of his old cars. They bought a lot of Christmas presents for their mother, but none for their father. The oldest comes around and all I hear is "gimme gimme gimme."

Well the kicker came the other night when the kids arrived with their mom's car. Her car had broken down, and they wanted to put my fiance's classic 55 Dodge outside in the sub-zero weather, and put their mom's car in the garage to work on it. As I said, the oldest rents a garage with 3 bays! So I said, NO, absolutely not. It's bad enough that I have to put up with the kids' automobiles, and now I have to put up with the ex's junk being here too? I don't think so.

So there was a big fight, and the oldest went and posted some stuff on Facebook about how his dad and I are both immature. And his mom works hard, unlike me who sits at a desk all day. And we owe him an apology and yadda yadda yadda. I'm not proud of this, but I took the bait and wrote back. I told him to go f himself and never to set foot in this house again. I called him an ungrateful brat and told him that it's not our problem that his mom is an alcoholic who can't afford a repair bill. Then I blocked him on facebook, so I can't be sure if he got the reply or not (probably went to his phone).

I told my fiance that I am DONE DONE DONE, and I will not spend any time with the older one ever again. I have kept my mouth shut for way too long. He can deal with him, but I refuse to have any contact with the kid. If it was anyone else being that rude or ignorant, I would have cut off contact with him a long time ago.

The younger one is not talking to either one of us, and he comes and goes without a word since the fight. At least so far my fiance is backing me up, but he has a habit of caving when it comes to these kids.

Seriously, caring for a person with a disability is tough enough without putting up with their hostility to boot. It is coming down to a choice between them or me, though I am sure the rest of his family will think I am a horrible person. This is also one of the reasons we have not set a wedding date, because no way do I want these two ingrates to be a relation to me.

Sorry so long, I have just been keeping this in for two long. So how would you handle this? I have no children of my own, and in the past I always dated guys with no kids--now I know why!