Well H Left - Told Me I Won't Be Seeing Him Again
and I guess that's that. Don't know where he is going and right now don't care.
I asked him after dinner if I try to help him get that tote down for me and he blew up. The tote, he said, is more important than he is, yadayada. When I said I would call the neighbor to see if he could help us get it he got even angrier. Said he's leaving and gonna divorce me. Oh well.
This went on for a bit and I finally confronted him about gaslighting me for the 11 years about the sundial my best friend gave me that his daughter stole and he knew she took it. Claims today I never told him how much it meant to me before and that is a FLAT OUT LIE. He knew and anytime I would try to confront his theiving SD about it he would start arguing with me, in front of her, that it was out in the garage and he would look for it. That also was not true and also humiliating in front of the SD who loved it. He kept covering up for her!! That means he condoned it.
Folks, I mean he just blew up when I asked about the tote and even blew up more when I was going to call the neighbor for help. WTH!
AS was pointed out to me on my other thread, I had been asking for him to get this out for me for almost 2 years and thee is always an excuse or reason why he couldn't. But it only took less than 2 weeks for him to get the old mower out from way in the back of the shed. It was pointed out why he wouldn't get the tote out for me in almost 2 years. And they are right to ask that.
Now I find that he always knew his daughter stole the dial (along with jewelry) and always poo-pooed it to me like I was crazy and the stuff was around.
Funny, I don't feel devistated, I feel betrayed. What else has been going on behind the scenes that I don't know. Probably to his scum daughter's house.
It seems so small over such items but then the issues behind what he did regarding them are so much larger.
Oh, his response when I
Oh, his response when I brought up the gaslighting was that I should be happy SD is gonna look for it. He claims I never, ever told him who it was from and how it was sentimental to me. That is a FLAT OUT LIE. In fact, that was one of the things I brought up to my Doc about the SD stealing.
Don't worry, because I love him I was concerned about him driving this late at night. I checked with the local motel and through my persuassiveness was able to confirm that he checked in just earlier and told the front desk clerk he was going home in the morning. At least I know he is safe and only about a mile away.
Sad, 30+ years down the tubes because his SD is so self centtered and a thief. Even he has said that.
May be he is transerring on me the fact that his daughter tried to take him on that rollinator and other stuff, like only calling him when she is wanting something. H*ll I didn't do it.
I think the fact that he blew up so quickly is that he knows he is wrong on what he did to me about the SD, the tote is just a symptom. Oh, I don't know.
I know I am concerned about his being gone, out driving with is early dementia symptons.
As ESMOD noted, and I finally realize, he doesn't really do much that I ask for. And the tote was the only thing I was asking him to get out for me. How it usually went down is I would ask him to get out the darn thing, he would say he'd get it out later, then he would either forget or claim that he hurt and would get it down when he stopped hurting or whatever the symptom of the day is. Sometimes I would forget about it for awhile and then ask again with same song nd dance. I once tried to pull down the totes under it so I could get it and lost my balance. Fortunately I was able to grab my walker and stabilize myself. Never tried on my own after that.
One more thing I want to add - I recently received an inheritance and, due to the circumstances with SD, am keeping it in my name only. H. said it didn't matter to him. I am using it for the powerwashing and things that need to be fixed around the house. And things like his rollinator. Well, when he stormed out part of his comment was that he was divorcing me, I would never see him again and he hopes I am happy with my money (meaning inheritance). I take that snide remark to mean he IS teed I inherited something and am keeping it separate. I was strongly advised to do this by the lawyer when we made out our wills, that as long as it was never comingled it was wholely mine. Currently it is set up where if something happens to me he gets it without having to go through probate etc.
My advice.. spend zero on the
My advice.. spend zero on the house.. don't spend a dime of the inheritance until the divorce is final. I'm guessing he will be due a split of the home.. so don't make it any more valuable.. or mingle your inheritance into a joint asset. Get legal advice ASAP.. even if he seems like he won't go through with it.. make sure you are legally covered and know what you should and shouldn't do to protect yourself.
I also am inline with the worry that his outsized behavior could be due to his mental decline. but take that for what you want.. has your marriage been good enough that you feel you owe him sticking by his side.. or should maybe his daughter take the reins now?
ESMOD - You got that correct
ESMOD - You got that correct about spending my inheritance on the house. H*ll with it. If it can't come out of current joint funds than it can't be done.
RE that darn toten- it actually would be easier for him to just get it down for me than it was for him to move everything out of the shed to get to the mower and then move everything back in the shed. There were some totes involved in that too.
Maybe I should ask SD to ask him to get it down for me??? Yeah, right. But if that happened I think it would be done.
Our marriage is good unless SD steps in or his loser son, but at least the son is in FL. He calls looking for money and we don't give him any - heck, we are on fixed incomes w/finite savings, but he always tries.
He's back this A.M., I heard him come in when I rolled over this morning. I am pretty hurt and reluctant about having any contact with him. You know, I slept wonderfully. Had no problems getting to sleep, slept all the way through. I don'thave a guilty conscious because I didn't do anything wrong.
One thing I think you need to keep in mind is his possible
One thing I think you need to keep in mind is his possible dementia. One of the most clear signs of demantia is getting lost, which it sounds like he did the other day. Please be careful, it sounds like his anger is getting worse, you don't want to run the risk of getting physically hurt. Is there anyone that can stay with you, or be there when he returns?
I'd like to add that
I'd like to add that aggressiveness also goes hand in hand,with dementia. My mum would pick fights with me deliberately trying to hurt me. It was hard. Then 15 minutes later she'd completely forgotten about it.
Same with my mother,
Same with my mother, Winterglow. My poor Dad had bruises on his legs where she'd hit him with her cane. One time (when I was there and I'm sure it happened many other times), she was trying to hit him in the head and face. He grasped her wrists to keep her from hitting him...so she kicked him. Dementia is horrible.
Yes, it's an awful thing. Mum
Yes, it's an awful thing. Mum was only violent with her words but I carried the pain from them for a long time afterwards.
Same here. *sad*
Same here. *sad*
Winterglow - Sometimes words
Winterglow - Sometimes words can hurt more than physical pain.
Sorry you went through that.
Oh I know what you mean. Now
Oh I know what you mean. Now that he is home I asked him what time his Doc. apt. is this afternoon. Yesterday he had a Doc apt. and said he had one today in the afternoon. I questioned that, but he said it was on his calendar. Well guess what? I was right, no apt. today, it is Monday. He says I must have gotten confused. Err, no, I didn't get confused, he was the one that pushed that the apt. was THIS afternoon.
With this stuff going on you all can see why Ihave to watch SD like a hawk.
Has he said anything about
Has he said anything about what went down last night or does he not remember?
Anki - He hasn't said a word
Anki - He hasn't said a word about last night. He is just watching tv. Good thing this am was that he made coffee before I even got up. AND, just as I was finishing up this post he offered to make breakfast!
He remembers, I suspect he is laying low hoping it will blow over.
His D is going to be over here around 11 a.m. with the battery charger so he can charge the mower battery for lard butt before they come for it. I won't be seeing her and she is not coming in the house. She tried to get H to get a new battery for it because she "doesn't know what size battery it takes". I stopped that. This piece of junk mower is a take it as it is deal. We are not popping for new tires (needs 3) or anything else.
I figured he would either not
I figured he would either not remember or lay low. SMH
Aniki - You are right, but I
Aniki - You are right, but I would like to hear just why you figured that.
Because if he has dementia,
Because if he has dementia, he'd have no recollection of what happened. If not, given his drama queen "you'll never set eyes on me again " exit and then realising he has nowhere else to go and that he'd have to grovel if he or you brought it up... well, his pride won't let him apologise so he has to be as unobtrusive as possible.
Got it. He has been laying
Got it. He has been laying low so to speak.
Frustrated78, because my
Frustrated78, because my mother had dementia and forgetfulness was forever increasing. Plus, your husband seems to be "testy" right now. All too often, upset people say things in the heat of the moment. Some will discuss and apologize while others ignore in the hope it will be forgotten.
True Aniki. He does get
True Aniki. He does get testy regarding his D. The only time he didn't go off on me about not liking her was when I brought up the matter that she was talking to me about our wills. That was when he told me that she had been talking to him about changing executors on will when he was actually at the hospital going through tests because they suspected he might have had a heart attack!
People are susceptible at a time like that because they are scared, don't know what is happening to them. She was telling him t leave everything to her and she would take care of me in my old age. Yeah, right.
The thing that bothers me the most is that she flat out lies or exaggerates something and he believes it.
Or things like when her Mother passed she didn't want anything to do with the burial arrangements, neither did the useless son who lived in the Mother's trailer. H and his other daughter picked up the tab for the cremation. H said he didn't want his ex-wife to go to a paupers grave. Mean while this jerky SD was booking a flight to go down and see what the Mother had, if she had anything of value, jewelry, etc.! I mean Really? She hates the Mother but wants to see what she can get from her after she dies. That speaks volumes in itself.
The interesting thing is that when she got down there she found that her creepy brother had already sold anything that was of any value. Even better, the SS ran up the dead Mother's Discover card buying all kinds of things. Discover is not stupid on what was going on and they took him to court for over $10,000 of purchases made the day Mom died. So the SS would go to the ER everytime he was due in court on this matter and the court would reschedule. After the third time the court ruled in Discover's favor. SS could either pay up or be charged with fraudulent use of the Mom's credit card. Aren't these two real gems?
Horrible!
Horrible!
I have a niece who is all about what she's going to inherit from her parents. She actually believes they should leave everything to her and nothing to her brother. Another gem. *fool*
Aniki - where do these people
Aniki - where do these people come from? Under what rock?
Frustrated, I'm beginning to
Frustrated, I'm beginning to think they're born with a Butthead gene...
Thanks. Lately he seems at
Thanks. Lately he seems at times, not a lot, to have trouble understanding what I say to him. When I repeat he looks at me blankly. Then I break things down simplier and he seems to get it. He also watches Fox news a lot and is starting to confuse the anchors and the people in the news. He is also starting to talk back at the TV and yell at it. He never, ever did that before.
Or he will say something like about the Doc. apt. he had today and then tell me he didn't say it.
I have to keep tabs on this as it is just what his SD is looking for. A crack in his thinking that she can manipulate in her favor.
I'm sorry you are going
I'm sorry you are going through all this. It sounds very stressful.
My take-away from all you posted is you need to focus on yourself and your own health, only. You have bigger problems than just your unattentive husband and crap SD.
Maybe start something healthy that is just for you. Do you like swimming? It's easy on the joints and so good for you. Bonus if you can find a health club or gym that has a sauna or spa to relax in afterwards. Use some of that inheritence money on yourself.
Elea - I am on your page.
Elea - I am on your page. While I was waiting to see where H went last nite I started looking to see if the local HS pool had open periods. It does on Mon., Tues., and Wed. evenings.
I am getting my suit out and hoping to go on Mon. I LOVE swimming.
Awesome!
Take care of you.
Tbh I think it would be in
Tbh I think it would be in your interest if he does what he says - ie divorces you. It's not easy caring for someone with dementia even when you love them dearly. But I suspect he will come crawling back when his anger has died down. Co-operative partners do the small jobs that their other half asks - I realise I'm lucky but my DH either does what I ask immedately or definitely within a day or two. If he does come back and you agree to it - don't take any more funny business.
Honestly, didn't you feel
Honestly, didn't you feel relieved when the door hit his butt on his way out?
It seems like the majority of your stress and drama comes directly from him. Unfortunately he will be bck, you and I both know that. Where's he going to go? his daughter's? his grandson's? neither of them will want to take care of him, they want his objects and moeny not him so I guess it's on you noe to decide what you will and will never again tolerate from him once he belly crawls back.
My thoughts? if you have a chore you want done. Ask him once. If he doesn't act on it in 2 days, just ask to pay a neighbor kid.
Aged - You are right. I felt
Aged - You are right. I felt relieved when he left and I posted that. I only got concerned later when I worried about him driving at night (he only has 1 eye with a cateract on it) and his other problem. But once I made that call to the hotel and the nice clerk told me he had checked in earlier, I didn't worry any more and went to sleep.
He's back and giving me the semi-silent treatment about which I could care less. I'm still peeved at what he and his SD did to me.
And if they would do somthing like that to me, what else are they capable of, especially with H's diminishing capacities.
Don't ask. Just do it. IMHO of course.
I'm so sorry...
...you are going through this. There have been some great suggestions here, I hope you will consider each and every one of them.
I hope you will also consider therapy. Therapy can be life changing if you 'put in the work'! Yes, a therapist listens with empathy to what you are going through, which is helpful...however, that is just the start. A quality therapist holds you accountable to 'put in the work' to change patterns of behavior that are not serving you. This is tough! It is also worth it! The goal is to help you gain the clarity and self-awareness to make needed changes in your life. (Those 'changes' are very individual and you will collaborate to identify them.) I have heard people say they are "too old for therapy"...that is simply not true! If you are committed to letting yourself be vulnerable and being accountable to yourself, therapy is worth it.
Blessings to you, I care.
Trudie - Thanks for the info.
Trudie - Thanks for the info. This old dog is not too old to learn "new tricks" as they say. I am going to call my Doc. and ask for a referral.
I know the SD goes to the local counselling place here in town. I have seen her pulling in there in the past so I don't think that is somewhere I would want to spill my guts.
You, and the others here are so nice. I was really starting to reel dealing with this. Sadly, the fact there is a long history with the SD can sometimes make my fuse short. I always try to remember, I'm Human, not perfect.
I finally confronted him
I finally confronted him about gaslighting me for the 11 years about the sundial my best friend gave me that his daughter stole and he knew she took it. Claims today I never told him how much it meant to me before and that is a FLAT OUT LIE.
What the hell difference does it make if he knew what it meant to you or not, or if you even cared about it, at all? The fact is, she stole something that belonged to you, period, and he's been defending her thievery and basically calling you a liar, for years, now.
I guess it might be time to really evaluate whether your life would be better with, or without him. He may not mean it about divorcing you, but you can divorce him, if you wish.
Hereiam - Thanks for that
Hereiam - Thanks for that comment - you hit the nail on the head. That is the main problem, her thievery and his covering up for her.
And once again, he and she both knew when the item disappeared who gave it to me and that it has sentimental value. So when he said he never knew that until yesterday, that is a FLAT OUT, BALD FACE LIE.
My other thought is WHY after all these years, did he finally call the SD up about the item. What he said to her was: Hey, SD, do you still have that sundial of your stepmother?" HE KNEW ALL ALONG SHE HAD IT.
I am calming down today and making notes about what I want to do. This is a very rude, cruel awakening.
Thank you all. I am crying
Thank you all. I am crying right now. I was starting to feel that all this carp with his daughter was me but I know it is not.
Once I found out he was safe at the motel - he wouldn't dare go to SD or GS because they don't want him - I had no trouble going to sleep and sleeping well and through the night. I did nothing wrong, the whole matter is on him and how he and SD deliberately were deceiving me and gaslighting me into thinking that the item was somewhere it was not. THAT is what has me upset.
{{{HUGS}}}
{{{HUGS}}}
Gaslighting is bloody awful. My psycho exh was a pro at it and it took a huge toll.
Please do what you need to take care of yourself.
Yes, people who try to make
Yes, people who try to make you believe you are crazy about something no mattery what proof you have.
My mind is pretty good, I don't gaslight easily. Also, I have the habit of some 60+ years of journalling things so if I should ever doubt something, I can go back and check the FACTS.
Good on you! I met psycho exh
Good on you! I met psycho exh at 18 and married him when I was 21. I was completely ignorant of gaslighting and he was very good at it. He wore me down like dripping water on a rock. Took me years to get over it.
Outside Help
Frustrated, I am going to be honest here. I think it's time for you to call in outside professional help. Both you and your DH are elderly and there are serious issues which are cropping up - much more serious than a missing sundial. As you stated yourself, "It seems so small over such items but then the issues behind what he did regarding them are so much larger."
Sundials and who said what when are so small compared to other issues, which need to be addressed by professionals. I know you have a lawyer you consult with on inheritance/estate issues but that doesn't help with your day to day challenges.
It's easy to say "divorce him" but if he had truly been diagnosed with some stage of dementia, there may be legal reasons he can or cannot actually agree to a divorce cognitively.
In the meantime, you both seem to have physical issues. He seems unwilling/unable to help you with some basic household tasks like getting down items off a shelf. Perhaps it is time for an assessment of your living arrangements, where someone can come in and make your home more accessible for the long-term?
Another valuable resource might be to have professionals come in and help you with how to manage a household while caring for someone with dementia. They also offer counseling service. Including SD's role/antics and your challenges with her.
Based on your profile, it looks like you are based in Indiana. Below is the official State of Indiana website link which has many options for elder assistance based on what region you live in.
https://www.in.gov/fssa/da/what-we-do/
I wish you all the best and hope you seriously consider calling in the professionals. It is better to do so now and have a safety net all set up, rather than wait when things really begin to fall apart.
IMO, this is the priority of where focus should be.
I Second This
You are facing major issues right now. You need additional help. Check your insurance. Ours covers free in-home assessments by an RN. Talk with your doctor about your concerns. I also agree this could be on-set dementia. If that's what it is, the diagnosis will open the door for a lot of other help. I would NOT involve the SD or SS.
I also would consider speaking with an attorney because of the "divorce" word he used. You need a plan in place to take care of YOU. A SOLID plan.
I'm am SO sorry you are having to deal with this mess. It's been very unsetting to me to see how toxic adult SKs are now literally attacking the elderly parent and SMs in our group. I guess we all need to take notes. Wishing you all the best, sweet lady.
Thank you. I guess I am
Thank you. I guess I am braving one of the final frontiers so to speak here. Just a little levity.
As I posted, my Doc says he has heard this type of stuff before so it is obviously not that uncommon. And it doesn't have to be a SD, SS, adult child, it cold be a neighbor, etc. Like this SD, she tends to look for elderly folk that are alone to "befriend".
Thanks 2Tired. I will be on
Thanks 2Tired. I will be on those very soon. Getting old is not easy, nor for the faint of heart. LOL!
Better Davis once said that
Better Davis once said that old age is not for sissies.
My advice is to contact his
My advice is to contact his doctor ahead of his appt.. say that you are concerned about cognitive decline and his ability to make decisions.. say that his personality has shown some changes.. and he can get upset easily.. would be best if they don't tell him you suggested a review of his issues.
Apt. Monday is with pain
Apt. Monday is with pain management. He doesn't see reg. Doc for a couple of weeks UNLESS he gets the idea he needs to.
Is he on any heavy meds that
Is he on any heavy meds that might speed his mental decline? In my experience, people are referred to pain management for 2 reasons. One is if they need procedures like injections. The other is if they are being prescribed meds that their primary care is either not comfortable or not legally able to prescribe.
(((HUGS)))
(((HUGS)))
I am so sorry all of this has come to a head.
Please consider protecting your inheritance by absolutly not using it for fixing stuff around the house. As mentioned above. You may need it for YOU.
Should your home need to be sold, take it off the top of proceeds. Usually relators have companies they work with for repairs and that money can be moved around that way.
You have some major decisions to make. Maybe speak to a lawyer about a legal separation...I did a quick google search and YES Indiana has legal separation that allows individuals to separate finances and their lives up to 1 year.
Please speak to a lawyer.
I am so sorry. Ughhhh, I am going to refrain from giving my opinion about his thief of a daughter. We went thru it too.
Thumper - You have a thieving
Thumper - You have a thieving SD too? That is terrible.
The dementia journey
I am reading your blog intently because I'm experiencing a version of this, too, with DH87 having oncoming dementia. The suggestions are valuable to me altho I'm almost too busy to see a therapist or do other things for myself He wants me with him 24/7, total attention, and is jealous of my phone and tv. I'll have to rethink that.
I'm seeing the forgetfulness, inability to do simple household tasks and the aggression, too We have a calendar on the kitchen table. I put every single appointment or plan either of us has, like "Bank', "See Mom" or "Y" on there so he has a general idea of where I'm going. But he still asks 3x+ times a day what day it is and what we are doing. I also put a 'P" on each day once I watch him take his pills otherwise he might overdose.
After a lifetime of effortless handling the house, not to mention a stressful job, 5 kids and a crazy ex, his one remaining task is taking out the trash cans on Wednesday night it's iffy nowadays and I end up having to help and listening to all kinds of drama. Sigh...
He's always been vocal and outspoken, with a '"take no bs" persona. Now, he blows up when things don't go his way. Last week, he got mad cuz his cable TV wasn't operating right. (We have Roku on my TV at no cost thanks to my son but DH can't learn it so we still have cable on his). When I couldn't fix it, he started ranting and disconnecting wires, unplugging everything. I couldn't figure out how to reconnect and was too embarrassed to call my SIL who had fixed things the week before. I called our carrier but after 4 days wait, finally called SIL who reconnected it all. I told DH, '"This is what happens when you throw one of your fits". He can't remembering doing that.
Thank you to all who are replying with good suggestions. I feel for you, frustrated78.
They now have medicine
They now have medicine organizers (I don't know the proper term) that lock after you've taken what you're supposed to take, some with alarms on them, etc. to make sure people are not only reminded of when to take meds but also that they don't overdose.
JRI - Thanks for your input.
JRI - Thanks for your input. One point stood out where you talk about your H. getting upset with the TV. We had a version of this just last week. We have Roku and he was having problems and getting all upset, checking other tv's etc. calling the service, etc.
I have been putting these episodes, with the exception of the one where he didn't know where he was while driving, down to the fact that he has serious hip pain and other aches and pains. Makes me think I should look at these episodes and the others more closely.
He told you he’s leaving you
SD doesn't get a free lawnmower. SD isn't allowed in your home. Disengage, DH drives at night. Make sure his auto insurance is up to date. You have to protect your assets, Don't let SD steal from you. Video tape [phone] SD playing around with your property. Call the police to remove SD.
Dementia is so hard. From
Dementia is so hard. From what you have written, I suspect he is farther along on the dementia journey than you realize.
Doctor needs to be involved yesterday. He has an upcoming appointment. Write the doctor a note and describe his symptoms -- the confusion when driving, the you never told me that, the date confusion for appointments, the anger, etc. Mail it so the doctor reads it before the appointment.
If he will allow it, go to the appointment with him. (I accompany my dementia DH and sit so the chair is slightly behind him. I shake my head to indicate when his answer is incorrect. Doc then probes further.)
Hopefully, the doc then gives your DH a referral to a neurologist. Nothing cures dementia, but there are meds that can help.
This site is so helpful for stepparents. I recommend a similar site for those who are dealing with partners/ spouses affected by dementia.
https://alzconnected.org
Good riddance, and I hope the door knob hit him on the ass on
Good riddance, and... I hope the door knob hit him on the ass on the way out the door.
File immediate RO/PO against STBXH and his noxious spawn of a DD. Lock up all of the assets immediatley and do not spend any of your iherriance on jointly held property. In the divorce go after any retirement asset he has, half of his social security, etc... Sell everything and put the cash in your accounts that you are the sole name on making sure that your inherritance is in a separate account.
Get the best pit bull attorney available and meet with the rest of the top 10 in an initial consultation to take them off of the table for him. Once the divorce is final, never give another even half a shit about this asshat.
Do not play nice. His dementia is not an excuse for this crap. It is early stage and while no doubt is evident, it does not justify that he is running to cuddle with his noxious daughter.
Include elder abuse charges against his DD in the overall action and make sure to keep her under the hairy eyeball of the authorities for the rest of his life.
I get that you love him. However, that he has known, facilitated, and excuse his thieving POS spawn in her ripping off of you and your assets makes them both a write off. During my long ago divorce I had some fee fees about an amicable divorce. She shut that shit down in a hurry when she went full nasty bitch in the process. It was like a switch flipped. We had agreed to a single attorney uncontested divorce shortly after she informed me she wanted a divorce. A couple of weeks later I took a long weekend trip with my mom to visit my brother at school, and to get mom's car moved to avoid any drama over that car. It was dad's 25th anniversary gift to my mom. When they moved back overseas a couple of years later she left it with us for my XW's use. It was a bonding thing that mom thought would be a nice gesture. When XW played the D card, my parents wrote her off instantly. I on the other hand, did not. I intended to get through the divorce amicably.
Nope. When I flew back and my then not yet XW picked me up at the airport she had RBF to the point she would have made a solid gargoyle on a medieval cathedral. At that point I was a bit confused as we had been progressing down the agreed path prior to my few days with mom.
She tried to gut me in the divorce engaging my XMIL's business attorney's firm, etc.. So, I went scorched earth and ultimately scared her back into the original single attorney divorce and priorly agreed property settlement that she had proposed and I had accepted.
Do not let your heart in all of this turn you into even more of their victim.
Please take care of you.
On the dementia note. My mom's dad had early onset Alzheimer's. As he went through the disease process he got very volatile and even got physical with my GM. She and my mom and my aunt tried to keep him at home for as long as possible. Eventually they had him institutionalized through the VA as he was a WW2 veteran. It was devastating to my GM but it was for her own well being and safety. The disease took away her DH of 43 years. In the end, it was for her safety that he was put in a care facility.
Do what you can to filter the emotion and focus on your own safety, financial security, and well being.
((((Hugs))))
So sorry you're dealing with
So sorry you're dealing with all of this. Yes, your DH needs to see a doctor, preferably with you present. Still, dementia doesn't explain the years of the gaslighting, covering for his filthy thief daughter.