It hit the fan this morning

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Yesterday H went out and got the old lawnmower out of the shed. It was tough because it was way in the back. He called SD and told her the battery was dead so she should get a new battery before picking it up. What does SD say? She ius coming by tomorrow with a battery charger so he can charge the battery for her before she picks ere he would have to get out my big tote of family pictures which I have been asking him to do for Y

it up Sat.

But there is a BIG problem. When this orig. deal was going down I told H that BEFORE it went anywhere he would have to get out my big tote of family pictures which he has been going to do for me for YEARS. So far that hasn't happened. Now it is too chilly out side and looks like rain, excuse after excuse. That I can wait because he wants to get rid of the lawnmower.

Nope, I am not waiting and I told him so. I either get the tote or the mower is not going anywhere even if I have to call the police. My cousin and I have been working on the family history for years and we need these pics and records to complete some of our work as I have the only pics of our grandparents and great grandparents.

Here we go again. According to him, I AM SELFISH and I NEVER LIKED HIS DAUGHTER, he doesn't have a clue as to why she scares the begesus out of me.

Honestly, at this point I am

Honestly, at this point I am ready to pack his bag and throw him out of the house. I am not leaving it.

It has been about 2 weeks since this first came up and, IMHO, there is no excuse. Based on past experience, once the mower is gone I will again be waiting and waiting for the tote.

He doesn't understand why I would be afraid of her. When I said it was about all the things she had done to me in the past he remarked I was being PETTY, the past was the past, it was over.

I just don't get it, how he doesn't understand that the past is indicative of the future with her.

This carp is nuts and I don't

This carp is nuts and I don't deserve it. He knows what she is but is back to the everyone should make excuses for her. This means I need to keep an eye on his will because she can cajole him into anything when he gets like this.

Where is the tote? and why

Where is the tote? and why has it taken him years to get around to getting it for you? This issue actually has nothing to do with his daughter at all.. other than you are trying to use the mower to put his feet to the fire.

Is there a reason you can't get the tote yourself? I mean.. if it's heavy.. take a smaller box and unpack it where it is and move things bit by bit.. I would not be waiting years for my husband to do something that seems fairly simple.. I would have done it myself.. long ago.

It is heavy and it is up high

It is heavy and it is up high and I can't do it with my leg situation. Same problem with not being able to wash the kitchen walls high or bend over. I would lose my balance and fall and it would require a cinch belt nd help for me to get up again due to the condition of my legs. It takes more that just trying to push myself up using a chair or the side of the bed. Otherwise I would have done it myself a long time ago.

My thing is that he will do something for the scumbag, but not for me.

And he did AREE that he would get this tote down for me before dealing with his daughter.

You say your husband is older

You say your husband is older as well.. do you think that he is worried he, himself might hurt himself getting it down?

Do you have anyone else that you might ask to get it down for you.. a younger neighbor.. handyman type? friend in better shape.

If it is up high and heavy. he may be at risk too.

ESMOD I hear what you are

ESMOD I hear what you are saying. I hate to use the word But, but everytime I go to get help he tells me he will do it he doesn't need anyone else, and that has developed into issues between us several times. You have no idea what I deal with with him. He does have problems but is more agile than I am but we average going to the doc for him at least once every two weeks. NOT that he has real need, but he is just neuotic about things. I.e. he has a pacemaker and we are always going to the ER because he thinks there is something wrong with it, it feels funny only to have everyting check out fine. The pacemaker has machine in our room that checks it all the time and if it sends a signal that something is wrong the hospital or doc. will get alhold of us.

But is there someone you

But is there someone you could get to do it? like if your DH has plans for the day.. that person can just come over and .. get it done.

Believe me, I have a DH that can procrastinate.. a LOTTTTT.. but fortunately.. most stuff.. I can still do.. but I have taken to arranging my own vehicle service appts.. because while he "can" change the oil.. or fix something.. honestly.. waiting till he "gets around to it" doesn't always work for me...

I think when something like this has gotten to be longer than 6 months of pushing it off.. it is time to take matters into your own (borrowed) hands.. and he no longer gets the option of doing it on his own schedule.

ESMOD - I, like you, am

ESMOD - I, like you, am pretty selfsufficient.

Just this year I have set up apt. to have the house et. al. powerwashed. I am getting quotes on new tires for the car, took car in for oil change. Have also made arrangements for the deck to be restained after it gets powerwashed.

What I do need is help in the house. I have had one service so far, but H fired them because he was concerned they would steal from us. This was through a reputable service that screens their people and is bonded.

I am generally the one that gets things done. Grocery shopping is difficult for both of us so I use Insta-Cart a lot except for when I purchase meat, etc. 'cause I am fussy about that.

I handle finances, personally do our taxes, pay property taxes, etc.

WE bought one of those

WE bought one of those ladders that is like walking up stairs and has rails on the side. He can use this, I can't becase of balance problems.

So, your husband.. who

So, your husband.. who supposedly loves you has not done one small favor you have been asking about for over a year. Again.. zero to do with his DD.. this is about him.. and you.. and if he loves you.. then why do you think he hasn't done it yet?

I'm being serious here...

either he truly doesn't give a darn about anything that is important to you.. (unlikely right?)

This task is not something he feels he can easily do.. perhaps is nervous about dealing with it.. so keeps putting it off.

If it truly is just a tote in the shed.. it should take him like 15 minutes right? he hasn't found 15 minutes to do something to make you happy in the last excess of a year??????

I mean.. it's not like it's the chicken coop that still needs half the remaining roofing put on that we have on our plate (chickens have plenty of shelter.. it's just a "nice to" to get it finished.. but it's a job that would take a full day's work.

Why do you think a man who loves you hasn't done it? It's not that he has spent every waking moment catering to his daughter.. I know she is a pain.. but that;s not why he hasn't gotten that tote.

It may be that despite the nice steps.. he is stil afraid of hurting himself.. sometimes as men get older.. they start putting off more physical tasks.. not wanting to face the reality that they may be starting to get to be a bit much for them.

This isn't about the mower and his daughter.. this is about him not doing something that is important to you.. much bigger issue.. and maybe it's time you either get his real reason.. or put his feet to the fire.. by "let's go get the tote now" and go do it "with him".. or just get your nephew.. or the kid down the street to grab it for you.

That is what I am going to do

That is what I am going to do. It is a GET THE TOTE NOW or the lawnmower goes nowhere.

Folks, H has health issues with early dementia which is why I have to keep an eagle eye on SD. She is aware of this and that is why she was talking to H about changing his will last June.

We both have good and bad days. I use InstaCart for a lot of my grocery shopping and other services.

But the tote has just gone on too long. Many a day he was going to get it out but for whatever various ache or pain, let it go, as I did too. I take responsibility for that. Should have nagged more, lol.

which he has been going to do

which he has been going to do for me for YEARS.

Years? He's not going to do it. If it's too large or bulky for you to handle, pay someone to move it into the house for you or do what ESMOD suggested. I would not leave something so important in a shed. Too many chances for the tote and the pictures to be damaged/ruined.

Yes, I have problems with

Yes, I have problems with legs, balance, etc. I get up with help of my walker or rollinator. I sit in a lift chair, I can do things, like cook, dishes, dusting and work that can be done at arms level withing bending over or reaching high or on a step stool or ladder. Basically, I do pretty well as we have a walk-in shower. To clean the shower floor I sit on the shower stool and use a mop-type thing I fashioned, to do the floor and the lower and upper walls. Same with the shower doors. Actually, I am pretty creative in getting things done but some things I just CANNOT do, no way, no how no matter how much I would like to.

And YES I would love help but H complains about his lungs and how almost all cleaning products, including vinegar, bother him. He is also concerned they will rob us. Yeah, I know that is unreasonable and that is one of the things I deaL with - dementia. One of the reasons I need to watch him when his daughter is around.

The other day we were out and driving in an area we usually go and know well. All of a sudden he said he didn't know where he was, we were lost or going the wrong way. I had him pull over and took over the driving. It took a while, but then he remembered the street and things. Or last week he claimed he got the bill for his latest heart scan and he couldn't find it. We looked all over for it. So I called the hospital only to find out that they hadn't billed him yet.

The tote is in the garage way

The tote is in the garage way up high. I should say it has been about 18 months that I have been after tote abiet not consistantly due to other matters etc. I am not stupid to leave pictures out in a shed. Our garage is heated in winter.

And I SURE WISH I could get up there and get it because I WOULD HAVE, plan and simple. Also, everytime I wanted to ask for someone for help he said that he would do it, no need but it never gets done.

I'm just peeved he can't do something for me but can for the SD. Believe me, gettingi in that shed was a real job for anyone.

I'm sorry you're dealing with

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of that. My Mom had dementia for many years before she passed. The last few years, she was like a baby: unable to walk or speak or feed herself.

Do you have any friends who could help get the tote or friend's offspring you could pay $20 to get it from you?

My sincere apologies that you think I was suggesting you're stupid. That's not it at all. You have a lot going on and it's easy to overlook something with all of that.

In our old house, we had some totes in the (heated) basement. It flooded. Two totes split (one on the bottom, one low on a side) and the contents were ruined. Another tote (cookbooks), for whatever reason, was invaded by ants, which stained some of them.