To respond to Feral Forgers rants...or just not

Forums:

Friends, I am so torn. At first when it was just me on the recieving end, I was torn but ended up simply not responding.

Firstly, the rant from SD22 Feral Forger:

She keeps texting nasty texts and they are all pretty much the same.

"You took away my father as soon as you arrived, he hasnt been my father since me, he is just the sperm donor now."

"you have traumatized me by yelling at me when I was in my room."

"you are the (blank of blank town)" insert whatever you think is insulting, and whatever town - a town where I was assaulted and abused by my ex.

Ive been torn for a while, but aware that she keeps scraps of information and uses it to insult and push buttons, I just havent responded.

However, yesterday afternoon, she went after DH, again with the same rant she did about a month ago, and I can tell he is upset. The head knows shes full of BS and lies and is pushing buttons, the heart aches. I can see it.

Rant:

"Mom sais that SD15 is her favorite. I wish I werent even born. You havent been my father since Clove popped in the picture. Shes the (blank of blank city) and you picked her over me so you are just the sperm door."

His response was just "I love you and your sister equally, and calling me your sperm donor wont make things better with us."

So - I really want to address her now. Im tired of her textually flogging my husband and also calling me names and disrepecting me.

But knowing that she will screenshot and post on social media, I hesitate. I at least want him to text her back that I am his wife and she needs to respect that relationship. We are a team. He hasnt responded, but he likes my suggestions. He is at a loss, and hurting.

Steptalkers. I really need some input and advice today. So many things run through my head, things I want to text her back. "Get a job" "Ive been so good to you and helped you and you disrepect me and spit on me" "YOU are responsible for your lack of relationship with your father, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me, he has reached out several times and you shoot him down every time, so thats on YOU". I just want to scream...

Note * This is also on the main BLOG page, Ive just noticed some folks are here and some folks are there...so if you responded there or heare, Im in both - thanks in advance)

Definitely ignore

Express vague sympathies for your DH, but stay out of the path of the tornado. If you can, take a few days off. Get a room in the nearest beach or moutain town, if you're anywhere near either. In any case, get the hell out of there for a while. Spend a few days in peace, and resist thoughts of the mess at home. You'll return with a whole new perspective and a renewed resolve to let the nitwits work things out between themselves.

As great as that advice

As great as that advice sounds, I think leaving at this time would be detrimental to her current strong standing with her husband. It gives the SD ability to strong arm her dad and drive that wedge in way SMS away. I think Clove can and should get out of the house and go shopping with a friend or go to lunch for the day to vent and blow off some steam, though.

CLove

Remind me - does Feral Forager have a mental health diagnosis? Bordline Personality maybe? Narcissistic?

From reading and counseling, my SO has been trying to implement "boundaries" with SD23 who lashes out like FF does. How your DH responded is good.

His response was just "I love you and your sister equally, and calling me your sperm donor wont make things better with us."

What if you sent her a blanket explanation and then blocked her/stopped responding? Something like "if you can treat us with civility and respect, we can communicate with you. But if you cannot or will not, then we need to stop". We've learned that you're basically waiting for them to choose different behavior if they can. And honestly if they can't do better, what is the point of this abusive communication? It's needless and undeserved treatment of you and DH; there is no upside except FF feels better/relieved/heard for a very brief period of time until her rage bucket is full again and she needs to lash out again. It's not like your or his suffering helps her in the long run, right? It's just abuse.

Yes.

Shes gone to mental institutions - shes been diagnosed as a "sociopath" with narcissistic tendancies.

Shes just a mean emotional vampire. She acts crazy, but it seems like its all sos he can lash out when her "rage bucket" is full again, or shes bored or her mother starts waving eviction papers at her.

Wow

She was actually diagnosed as sociopathic? Oy. That explains alot (but obviously does not excuse her behavior).

Not. Response begats potential response/engagement/frustration

Do NOT, I repeat NOT, GO THERE.

Your future self will thank you for it!

Do NOT give her anything to post or reflect on you in a bad way.

Your DH is a big boy and can fight is own battles with her. As frustrating as it is, adhere to "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" and you'll be alright. I know it is tough not wanting to rip her limb for limb, metaphorically speaking, but please, conserve your actions and words. I cannot tell you how much more peace you will have.

Revenge is temporary, and you'd give her exactly what she's looking for. You don't want to do that, now do you?

Keep your peace at all costs.

I'm dealing with this at my

I'm dealing with this at my house too. The SD age 23 is mean and self centered and it's just horrible to be around. I've put up with it now for three and 1/2 years and tried to take the high road each time but in the last 8 weeks I haven't been able to keep it together. The dam has burst and ive called her out on her behavior and started sticking up for myslef. I will say this. do not put anything in writing that can be used against you later. Don't do it. If u have to say something, say it. But don't write it. It will be twisted and used as "evidence" that you are the problem not her.

Good Advice, But Be Cautious About Even Saying Anything...

Some may resort to recording conversations, and the right to do so varies depending on where you live.

I know once SD went on a rampage and I recorded her without her knowing it, I had her number, and once daddeee told her, (AFTER SHE WENT BALLISTIC ON HIM, SCREAMING, "WHY WOULD SHE RECORD THAT?!?!?) SHE KNEW IT.

It worked out for me, because I knew the laws in my area beforehand.

Just a word of caution. Choose your words carefully, if you must say anything at all.

SD has mental problems

You can not make any sense of mental people. There is nothing you can do except try to get her mental help. Most likely will do no good. You must disengage, or go crazy yourself. DH is a big boy and he must handle his own problems.

Renember mental health runs in the geans, BM, Muskin must also have problems also to some degree. This is a fight, war you can not win. All that could happen is that you will be dragged down with them.

Good luck. Been there.

Uber cray

And the family wants to get together for Christmas.

Ingnoring her will likely

Ingnoring her will likely make her wallow even more deeply in the stench of her insane self delusions.

Reply only with a thumbs up then watch her go apeshit trying to figure out what that means.

Thumbs up

Thats what husband does, and it does drive people like Toxic Troll insane...

Im just going to keep her blocked forever.

Block her on everything. It's

Block her on everything. It's the only way with that kind of person.

Shes blocked

Forever, on everything

My wife's youngest son is

My wife's youngest son is very similar. In the last text he ever sent to me, he called me a piece of $hit. He told me he is my wife's kid. I'm just the piece of $hit she married. She could have, and should have, done better than me. He then brought my dead mother into it to further insult me. This was about 4 years ago. I immediately blocked his number and blocked him on all social media (he has about 8 different FB accounts). He now can't contact me at all. Life is so much more peaceful. His mom, my wife, deals with him. I support her having a relationship with him. I choose not to. I'm completely disengaged from him. I don't talk about him or ask how he's doing. He is 23, a high school dropout, no job, no car, no driver's license, He's tried to manipulate his way into living with us. I told my wife if he comes through the door with his stuff to move in, I'll be going out it to move out. I won't live with him again.

I'd block the little darling and go on with your life with much more peace.

WOW

Does she have a positive relationship with him now? Because DH has gone pretty much no contact without blocking her.
How do these "kids" get the kind of support that allows them to coast along like this with no job and no drivers license? Unless you live in a big city or a country with public transit.

I still shake my head over it all. She called me "the drunk" and other things. And called me abusive because I yellled at her through her bedroom door. And yet she wants to live with me. Her sister has zero problems with me. We had an enjoyable Thanksgiving meal...

So do you have any other steps?

And GREAT JOB creating and enforcing healthy boundaries and standards of behavior...

She has a fairly positive

She has a fairly positive relationship with him now. She's had to set limits with him, or he'd expect her to do everything for him. He works very hard at not having to do anything. He is bipolar and gets some disability money because of that. He could work, but that would disrupt his handout. So, he doesn't. He lives within walking distance of most things he needs. We had years of chaos because of him until he finally pushed things so far that he wasn't allowed back with us. Growing up, he used rage and volume to get what he wanted from his mother. His dad isn't in the picture. The first time I ever met him, he was standing in the middle of my wife's (then my girlfriend's) kitchen screaming at her about what a horrible mother and person she is. He was 15 at the time. He's been taken out of our house in handcuffs. Kicked and punched holes in the walls because he was asked to mow the grass. I don't have, and don't want, a relationship with him anymore. I barely acknowledge he even exists.

My wife has an older son. He and I get along great.

You are still playing her game

By giving her mind time. Disengage. Block her. You keep on reading her crazy texts. You keep giving her head time.
Block her, she becomes TT who?

people who don't work, have no money, no friends get tired of the internet so they start playing games with who ever respond back to them. She doesn't have a life. So bugging you is her entertainment

Exactly Harry. And when the

Exactly Harry. And when the ex gets divorced again and again, she and her spawn (skids) always find more time to work on trying to destroy their dad's happy marriage. Misery loves company

Glad you're blocking her.

Glad you're blocking her. Any response will be used as fuel for her deranged ideas. Maybe since he's dealing with a diagnosed sociopath your DH could seek the help of a mental health professional to get their input for how to deal with SD, set boundaries, etc.

Take back your peace.

When DH and I got married, we both deleted our Facebook accounts. It's hard enough to blend a family in real life and we don't miss it.
SD41 used to have my cell phone number but when she started texting it with messages to DH when he didn't answer his, we changed phone companies. She's never had my new number since. DH then gave up his cell phone and went to a landline. I had to hear her loud screechy voice on our answering machine, intruding into our peace and quiet at all hours of the day and night. I unplugged the phone and plugged it into the basement and one in the detached garage for emergencies and turned off the answering machine so she can't leave a message. People that abuse the privilege get it taken away.
This year I got DH a new cell phone with some ground rules. The ringer has to be turned off when inside the house and lately he's just been leaving his phone in the glove compartment of the car. DH doesn't want the pressure from her either. She can email him and he can log on when he feels like it.
Peace at last.