The Big Movement
As the days click by, winter rains fade into spring flower buds, and then spring fades into pre-summer, I am thinking and mulling over the future of SD17 PowerSulk.
I understand how this works. Or SHOULD work.
How it SHOULD work (IE what I have gathered from this site and my own expectations):
1. We discuss PowerSulks expectations and plans.
2. We discuss OUR expectations and plans.
3. We see if we have congruent expectations and plans and start discussion the new future order of things...
4. Since its obvious that PS will remain in Beach Town after she ages out, we discuss a plan on moving her things to the apartment. She starts going through things and donating, throwing away. June arrives and boom! Shes set up with whatever future she sees ahead (job? driving?), and we are prepared for either setting up to rent a room or storage/guest room.
I know how it could/might work:
1. No discussion OR discussion between husband and powersulk and Clove is excluded.
2. Since Clove is excluded and no discussion, CLove makes HER OWN PLANS SEPERATELY.
3. Since no plans. Power sulk only plants on getting what SHE WANTS, but doesnt tell anyone.
4. June happens. Nothing is moved out. Texts back and forth between husband and power sulk result in him taking trash bags of her things and drop off at apartment. Or...
June Happens and suddenly skid wants to live with CLove and Husband because strange twist of fate, and no discussions have happened, just she "wants/needs" to stay for a few months. Clove stews. Friction happens in marriage. Clove is still left out of discussions that have/havent happened. Clove decides that she will pay less mortgage portion and less bills.
Any thoughts? With first kid, she ghosted us for 7 months of cold storage for sh!t and then I did ALL cleaning and clearing. And got nasty texted as a result.
Why?
Why do you think anything will happen this spring? Is it because CS ends? I don't think anything will change. She will continue to live with TT. Her stuff will stay at your house. You won't have to pay CS and she won't have to visit. When she needs something, she will contact DH and he will supply it.
Her stuff will go where she is
Ive been prepping husband and myself. When visitation ends she will be in Beach Town. June is 18 and graduated. So - summer-soon-to-be...
I would like some pre -work done in spring however.
My guess.
Status quo. No discussion, PS will slime into the TT, FF, Harpy stb threesome of disfunction.
CLove will remain the caring and pained beautiful soul that she is,
What I hope.... CLove will put herself first, write the tripartate genetic shit puddle of disfunction off, and keep DH clear that the Harpy squad is now purged completely from CLove's life.
If PS engages in a life of quality. Terrific If not, good riddance.
Thank you!
Dunka shen!
I hope there is at least some kind of prep work ahead of time and I sincerely hope that I am included in the discussions.
What confidence level do you
What confidence level do you have that there will actually be any discission at all? I guessing, none. PS won't want to have it, and DH will avoid it as well. Is my guess.
I predict #4 will happen.
I predict #4 will happen.
UGH.
so stressful
I agree, #4.
I agree, #4.
Having said that, I would make it abundantly clear ahead of time to DH that PS is never to live with you guys. Not when she's out of school this summer and not down the line if/when TT and PS were to have a big blow up. Part of being an adult is learning to get along with whomever is paying your rent until you can pay your own rent.
Good point
Im going to paste this on the wall!
Part of being an adult is learning to get along with whomever is paying your rent until you can pay your own rent.
Part of my message to BOTh Powersulk AND husband is "if you want adult priviledges you should have adult responsibilities'...
Doesn't sound like she has
Doesn't sound like she has any future plans. No job, no license, and no talk of college, correct? I have a HS senior and i can't imagine if the possibility existed of my kid graduating and, like, just doing whatever. This is a major life transition and your DH is drinking beer.
Talk
Her talk is community college, a job "somewhere".
Yeah, well Im going to have to push things if he doesnt get on the ball. But Ill wait until last minute lol.
JC is definatley a benefit
JC is definatley a benefit over no College at all. However, a bachelor's is the sweet spot.
I pushed my most recent team pretty hard to close the gap between AS degrees and a Bachelor's. A number of my Techs/Trades employees had one or more Associates degrees. So far, I have not received any notifications of graduations with a Bachelor's degree.
Why this is important came to light today while I was on my flight from LV to DFW for meetings with an interested company tomorrow.
My former company was notified by the cusomer company today that they are absorbing the facilities that my former company was servicing rolling all of the the employees to be customer company employees. A good thing for my former team. Except.... a few manager level people who do not have Bachelor;s degrees and are not eligible to retain manager level roles with the customer company.
Getting a Bachelor's is important though I do not advise going into insane debt to do it. I am a proponant of the pay as you go model taking as long as necessary to finish without going into insane debt. Small amounts of debt to close the gap in time to complete is fine. I did that. I owed $10K that I took loans for the last year of my 11yr undergrad career. I was able to pay it off in less than a year of graduation after starting my engineering career. With OT I doubled my base salary in 9mos. Which is how I paid it off so quickly.
I do not propose paying for a foundering kids college. Not directly at least. I would have them work over hte summer to pay for part time in the Fall while continuing to work part time to pay for part time in the Spring.... and so on, and so on...... If I was going to pay, I would require them to take out loans, complete the semester, and provide me with official grades. If every class was passed with a C or better, I would pay off the loan. One D, I pay nothing for that semester and they own that loan until they pay it off, however long it takes.
With PS, I would require that she pay for it entirely on her own. Advising that she use the pay as she goes model. My SIL borrowed and nver finished. Owing almost $100K for a never completed degree. Now almost 10 years later and with penalties and interest for nonpayment, she is well over $100K in student loan debt.
She did not even complete an associates. Now it is tears and victim whining and crying.
I was thrilled with the SCOTUS disallowed the forgiveness of student loan debt. If anyone gets a dime of tax payer money for student loans it should go to those who have paid their's off completely or have a long history of making timely and full payments. Deadbeats... should have to pay off everyone's. Just to teach them brutal lessons.
I know, not the most tender perspective.
JC is definatley a benefit
JC is definatley a benefit over no College at all. However, a bachelor's is the sweet spot.
I pushed my most recent team pretty hard to close the gap between AS degrees and a Bachelor's. A number of my Techs/Trades employees had one or more Associates degrees. So far, I have not received any notifications of graduations with a Bachelor's degree.
Why this is important came to light today while I was on my flight from LV to DFW for meetings with an interested company tomorrow.
My former company was notified by the cusomer company today that they are absorbing the facilities that my former company was servicing rolling all of the the employees to be customer company employees. A good thing for my former team. Except.... a few manager level people who do not have Bachelor;s degrees and are not eligible to retain manager level roles with the customer company.
Getting a Bachelor's is important though I do not advise going into insane debt to do it. I am a proponant of the pay as you go model taking as long as necessary to finish without going into insane debt. Small amounts of debt to close the gap in time to complete is fine. I did that. I owed $10K that I took loans for the last year of my 11yr undergrad career. I was able to pay it off in less than a year of graduation after starting my engineering career. With OT I doubled my base salary in 9mos. Which is how I paid it off so quickly.
I do not propose paying for a foundering kids college. Not directly at least. I would have them work over hte summer to pay for part time in the Fall while continuing to work part time to pay for part time in the Spring.... and so on, and so on...... If I was going to pay, I would require them to take out loans, complete the semester, and provide me with official grades. If every class was passed with a C or better, I would pay off the loan. One D, I pay nothing for that semester and they own that loan until they pay it off, however long it takes.
With PS, I would require that she pay for it entirely on her own. Advising that she use the pay as she goes model. My SIL borrowed and nver finished. Owing almost $100K for a never completed degree. Now almost 10 years later and with penalties and interest for nonpayment, she is well over $100K in student loan debt.
She did not even complete an associates. Now it is tears and victim whining and crying.
I was thrilled with the SCOTUS disallowed the forgiveness of student loan debt. If anyone gets a dime of tax payer money for student loans it should go to those who have paid their's off completely or have a long history of making timely and full payments. Deadbeats... should have to pay off everyone's. Just to teach them brutal lessons.
I know, not the most tender perspective.
She has no life
No friends ,No Job. No drivers license , No ...?...?....? How do you think anything will change. ? Nothing is going to change. Her life upsets you more then her or DH. You just band from your home ,, No overnight visitations. See her on Thanksgiving
FRIENDS
She has a friend group. So they drive her around and buy her things.
Im just upset when her lameness and husbands lameness affect me.
Yep…been thinking…
I've had this on my mind too.
SD18 graduates this year and is going to college. I was so looking forward to moving away with dh. Well. She's now going to school a half hour away from where we were looking to move. I told eh I don't think I can do it, which I know breaks his heart. He's always wanted to move there. But. I got through these years, I don't think I can do more.
Your DH parent a kid
Who can't function by herself. When I was young all I wanted was a drivers license and freedom. I can't understand these kids that have no motivation in life. DH created a kid that is dependent on him, He has to like it. SD is happy sleeping over getting feed getting money And not doing anything. I can't see it changing. You are the only one who wants change