Pineapple Express aka I made my husband cry (and I liked it)
About last night. Im still trying to figure out what happened last night.
Oh, yeah, Jameson happened.
I came home after Husband had arrived after a 3 hour trauma-dump from a long time friend of mine. Shes going through a lot.
I was probably raw from that. IDK. Husband was all smiles and loving. And we did a few shots of whiskey. The conversation started with "what are we doing this weekend, my sister has free tickets to xyz"... I said I have nothing planned...Id love to do xyz, how many tix is she trying to give away". YOU all know what I was thinking. Not husband. Oh no...he asked me "oh are you thinking of bringing a friend?"
I said "nooooo." I thought I would let it lie.
Then another plan for another day came up. I started feeling anxious over all the unsead words, the unadressed feelings.
Finally I just came out with it. I asked how many tickets to this free thing.
Then I said "I am just wondering if you were thinking of bringing power sulk, and then I was going to opt out." I told him that I dont want to deal with the whole dynamic of her powersulk behavior. He said "well you are both doing the same thing to each other, you are both acting like children!"
I went OFF. I told him "you need to know, my boundaries are REALLY high. Im not going to put myself in a position where I can be accused of ANYHTING, not after CPS threats and phone shoved in my face".
Then it all came out like a flood. He told me he heard everything that happened. Heard me knock on the door and ask her if she had done anything to the netflix account. Heard her go off on me. Heard the CPS threat. He heard everything, folks. And "talked to her".
So, he said that its what is to be expected seeing as how she came from Toxic Troll. That she is acting like her sister, and mother and thats what she was taught. I said you coddle her and cater to her, what about that? He disagreed and then said "thats because I am a parent and she is my child and thats what parents do!" I said then how is she supposed to grow up to be a strong independent woman? Oh, well shes lost anyway was what I got. You always try to hard and its all for nothing you need to stop trying. I mentioned also that shes learned how to treat me from the abusive behavior from her mother to me, from her sister to me and from HIS treatment of me. That wasnt the first time. In fact he said that "I heard you poke the bear and just like her mother she reacted badly and her mother abused me so I knew what to expect..." Toxic Troll choked him and dug her nails into his neck one time...so I guess its to be expected she would choke and beat on her own daughter...
About the stop trying comments- I mentioned steptalk and told him yep thats what EVERYONE on steptalk has said many times over, so many times they want to shake me until my teeth rattle out.
Stop trying, just stop. He echoed everything ive been told here. so hes not entirely in clueless land. I told him I am now very neutral. I dont dislike her I dont care, Im not concerning myself but my boundaries are now VERY HIGH. I dont want to be in the toxic dynamic where he treats her like the spouse and me the child. I gave examples. He disagreed thats what actually happened. So, just when I had hopes for a breakthrough...
Then he started crying a little, got sad that his daughters are "lost" and made like he was going to bed telling me he was going off to bed to cry himself to sleep. I said do you want to be alone he said yes. Then he decided to watch a new marvels comic show...so I walked away...
Folks, I about jumped for joy. He understands powersulk did the bad thing and admitted that shes like her sister, and admitted to basically everything. He sais that shes not always the sweet innocent one with him that she gets an attitude sometimes. Sometimes when we hear this its an empty victory, but not for me. Now I am justified in my stance of distance and he will understand why I dont want to be alone with her and wont want to really do things together...and he cannot hold it over my head nor really try to ask me to do for her.
He didnt really go off to cry. But there were tears. The tears dried after more postive conversation about plans for the future. I guess Im staying for a little bit...at least to see what other things are going to come through. Things are different now. Im feeling stronger and less connected. Im not hopeful that Power sulk will change. I know shes only being cordial to me because of dad. I told him "well it really sucks that I cannot ask her to help contribute to the household that I help support and that helps support her." he said "thats horrible" I told him thats what you have created. But thats how it is right now. I will not request anything of her. Its ALL on him.
After the Big Breakthrough, I went off to watch the new Wham! documentary. Halfway through, the Wi-Fi disconnected. I tried reconnecting and instead of our normal network name it came up with "Pinapple" and I do not have the password to the "Pineapple" network. I unplugged the router and went to bed. That was just weird. Pineapple.
- CLove's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
"but her mother does it" is
"but her mother does it" is no excuse.
"but you poked the bear" is no excuse.
"her sister" is no excuse and his playing you w/ the "my daughters are lost to me" card ... is no excuse
he didn't change a damn thing, he just played you to get you to back off.
you deserve the whole farking cookie, not crumbs designed to placate you and shut you up.
so now what?
I continued to tell him my boundaries, that they are high and will be enforced, and what that means. And that I will not engage in the treating me like the child and her the spouse dynamic.
How did he placate me exactly?
"Folks, I about jumped for
"Folks, I about jumped for joy. He understands powersulk did the bad thing and admitted that shes like her sister, and admitted to basically everything. He sais that shes not always the sweet innocent one with him that she gets an attitude sometimes. Sometimes when we hear this its an empty victory, but not for me. Now I am justified in my stance of distance and he will understand why I dont want to be alone with her and wont want to really do things together...and he cannot hold it over my head nor really try to ask me to do for her. "
he got you to back off by pretending to cry and told you he's aware of everything but he didn't tell you he's willing to fix anything or stand up for you. he's not going to change anything.
you have such a kind and giving heart and I guess I get too rabid in my wanting you to get the kindness and respect you deserve. not one of them deserves you. hopefully this weekend he'll go off to the concert w/ his brat and you can go enjoy yourself with your friends.
No
He definitively said she is NOT going to any of the fun events with us.
And no. He did not present any solutions. Are there solutions? What does he need to do? He "talked" to her and he sees that as the only solution.
Going forward he knows that I will not tolerate the treatment. He told me that I should not have "poked the bear" with my statements. I had mentioned that she needs to help me with netflix because its not like shes doing anything anyway, has a job or anything going on - and thats what set her off (not that its justifiable) to where she made accusations and stuck the phone to record me...
But what is the solution? That she not come over anymore? Well, I told him I will see the visitation through for him, and we both know that once thats done she will choose Beach Town.
Thank you, I am definitely the caring one in this situation, but am working towards caring for my own best interests not theirs.
I think I owe you an apology.
I think I owe you an apology. I am sorry that I came off as a hard ass. I usually try to think before I post and I didn't do that. I am very sorry.
I hope you know I really am a big fan of yours. I just don't like seeing you get hurt or talked to like you aren't the bad assed chick I know you are. I'm always here for you. I promise to think before I post next time and every time afterwards so I don't come off as attacking you in any way.
((HUGS))
Thank you for your kindness.
Things are just so up and down. I think once she ages out the situation will be much more stable.
I think I wasnt detailed enough so it was easy to assume he was just going to dance off into the sunset with her.
Clove
You are too good and kind for any of them.
I follow your blogs and my heart sinks. At the same time I am so proud of ya for keeping boundaries tight. You have learned so much on this journey. I dang well hope that the tides will turn in your favor hun.
BLESSINGS xx
Im also mad
Im mad at both of them. At all of them.
But I am definiely feeling differently now. I was willing to walk away, Ive looked into the abyss. Im not afraid now. In a few months we will see what happens with the powersulk situation and where things go with that. At this point I want her to live somewhere else. He pretty much knows this. Because the dynamics he created and now acknowledges they are bad. Before he wouldnt acknoweldge them it was all my fault for everything. So this is the first step...
Who else has your network
Who else has your network password? Did you lose total control of it? Do you pay for it?
Good on you for confronting him BUT it's not over by a long shot. Been through that discussion ad infinitum and it's still not over.
all three of us
We all three have the network password.
The named network was not listed. There was our link extender and then Pineapple.
Then with the next morning, plugged the router in and the regular networked popped up again and linked.
I am doing some research and am going to create another link to router under my own name, and have my devices link separately under my own password.
He overheard what happened, but did nothing in the moment
He overheard what happened, but did nothing in the moment to stop it. He let her record you and he let her threaten to call CPS and he did not immediately confront her and put a stop to what she was doing. "Talking" to her about it later did not accomplish anything. He is telling you what you want and need to hear. If the tears were real, he would have gone to bed, not started watching Marvel.
I know what he told you has made you feel better, but please be careful. He knows what you need to hear and he is telling you just enough to get you to back off. And again, this is all about powersulk. None of it addresses his behavior towards you.
YEP.
Im changing for myself. He will need to change or not, but I will be calling his actions out loud and clear.
Same thing happened
With Feral Forger. She went off on me, went on a rant, called me names, cursed at me, and he heard it and did nothing. Nothing. So its a pattern.
With powersulk shes learned well. She can go off on me and then its business as usual and how dare I not include her in fun "family" outtings.
I specifically told husband that I will no longer do the outtings because I dont want to deal with the shunning powersulk behavior and I dont want to deal with the conflict and being treated badly. No longer will I subject myself to the toxic dynamic of being treated as the child while he treats powersulk as the spouse.
I dont really know what else to do...
*** edited to add *** I should start talking about how Im going to use the extra room!
Don't be fooled by crocodile
Don't be fooled by crocodile tears, your DH is very much to blame for this just as much as Toxic BM. You weren’t relenting or backing off so he squeezed out a few woe is me tears and you let him off the hook.
you all
Are so right. I guess my head was fogged up.
Now that you all have brought it up, its crystal clear...
Hes not off the hook quite yet...he will get his comeuppance very soon.
Did your DH record your
Did your DH record your exchange last night? I believe you said he records your fights.
He heard the exchange between you and Power Sulk, heard the entire damn thing including the CPS threat, and he didn't step in to shut her the eff down!!!!! He sat back and let her verbally assault you, make threats and intimidate you, and record you in your own home. Last night he said you poked the bear and essentially asked for the sh!t storm you got. He made every excuse he could think of for his precious princess. What kind of man does that? He cried a few fake tears in an effort to get you to shut the eff up.
Gal, you do not have the upper hand here. Yeah, for the moment you're in the driver's seat, but that will last for about 5 minutes before he goes back to putting his brat and her happiness ahead of you. It's a cycle. He acts like an ass, you jutifiably lose your sh!t, he backs off only to go right back to his old ways once you calm down.
Sure, he's acting contrite right now. I'm betting it will be a week or so before it's right back to the same ol' same ol'. This dyamic isn't going to change.
So what do I do?
I dont have the resources to leave.
I asked this question on my post "raspberry dreams".
Whats my next step?
DH understands his DD is nuts
That does not gives him the right to make your life a living hell. He doesn't have a right to disrespect you, and make you a moving target For SD. DH must sit on his DD. He must make DD understand that she must stop this assault on you or stay home.
Now what is he going to do. He said : DD is wrong!! Is he going to see DD away from his home, giving you a safe place. Is whe going to stop his idea of happy family, :::: we all go to X together ? Is he going to change something now. NOT only having the talk. You know in one ear out the other. But doing something real. Someone is going be unhappy with this. It better be SD.
SD can stay with BM and her sister, until she proves she capable of being a family member in your home. This is a hill and marrage to died on. Unless DH changes why stay married to someone, who doesn't have your back
I told him and her
in a fog of things, I told her she should continue her visitations Im staying away and wont converse with her.
I also told him continue visitation. Im a busy person who needs to get out there anyway.
I doubt that she will ask me for anything, and that means rides etc.
shes not capable so Im letting that go.
My big question is what repercussions if she does it again?
He will understand.... if it is convenient and serves a
purpose for him.
He will back you, or hold it against you, if he benefits.
His past behaviors, make this a near certainty. He will play the cards that buy him what he wants, at any given time. FF and PS are ... his progeny. Never forget that.
40-ish weeks. Then there is no further reason to tolerate the invasion into your life of his poor past failed family breeding choices.
I would be highly suspicious of his tears. He is after all, at least half of the problem that has created his toxic daughters. SDPS plays the water works. It looks like daddy has learned that trick.
"He heard the exchange
"He heard the exchange between you and Power Sulk, heard the entire damn thing including the CPS threat, and he didn't step in to shut her the eff down!!!!! He sat back and let her verbally assault you, make threats and intimidate you, and record you in your own home. Last night he said you poked the bear and essentially asked for the sh!t storm you got. He made every excuse he could think of for his precious princess. What kind of man does that? He cried a few fake tears in an effort to get you to shut the eff up."
^^^^This^^^^
CLove, you can't unknow this. Read it, over and over until you get it. You cannot count on this man to protect you or have your best interests. He manipulated you emotionally.
And why is that brat in your home right now?!????? She threatened you! While he did nothing. They both need consequences. HARD ONES. You need to assert your rights as a woman and a homeowner!