Things and more things (and another update)
Today finds things peaceful and glowing with hope.
But first let me backtrack a little...
Starting with last Monday (July 28) My ring camera batteries were low and I needed a ladder to change them out and recharge them. I cannot even express the level of peace of mind these two things have given me throughout this whole ordeal. I went online and scoped out different types, settled on one, and drove up to home depot and it was ladder kismet - and that song by Stephen Sanchez was even playing..."I would never fall in love again..." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g--8mYq4YH4) plus it was on sale by $50 lower...
I stuffed that ladder in my suv and drove away feeling pretty good about things...until (insert jaws theme here) I drove up to my house and there was a big black shiny truck parked on my front lawn, husbands white mercedes sedan with him in it staring daggers at me, and another car. In all total there was husband and 4 of his friends = friend, friends daughter, daughters partner and friends son. All there to "just get his stuff". I tried talking to friend, told him what happened, explained that I had already given over 10 bags of stuff, plus some tools, that it needs to be pre-arranged ahead of time with police officers. Got on the text with my lawyer, who said "call 911", and just stayed inside watching them all sitting there in their cars.
Police arrived. I showed them the restraining order. Husband said he hadnt been served (he was served July 24 a Thursday). I showed the nice officers a photo of prrof of service sent by my process server. He told them he hadnt read it. They said dont come by again without police or he will be arrested. A few days later I get a mailed response showing he did indeed read the restraining order because it was a response filed through the self help office. 2 standouts - he claims he did not abuse me, and he claimed that I was abusing the dogs. In a sick twisted way I wont get into.
All was peaceful until I got a call from his defence attorney, the mother of one of his get drunk and stoned rich friends, and even though I told her I have representation she still talked to me. He is presenting himself as depressed over losing his job. I told her he had ample opportunity to get other jobs and that I supported him through 7 months of unemployment, helping him get the unemployment benefits and that all he wanted to do was sit around and get high and do shots and hang out all night online. That he admitted to doing cocaine and mushrooms and that he was out until all hours of the night into the mornings...
So that was that. Her husband has worked extensively with my family, so Im thinking there is a conflict of interest. Im noting the money transfers also, his sister and others who are zelling him cash. He is claiming no money...poor me. No clothes...poor me.
And in my pain shopping mode I did check out his facebook with sunshine and sunsets "looking forward to enjoying this with the right one!" and comments about being best friends with ex wife #1 (Toxic Troll) haha, yeah right. And of course the women haters "shes a scammer! She made you do it with her evil ways...!"
Hes an unemployed drug dealer with no house. Come get him girls.
I did have texts from SD19 Power sulk. She had called the police on me and lied, so I told her she can get the rest of her things WITHOUT her father and must not come inside. She was sulky about it but hey I dont have to deal with that anymore do I?
yay me.
Sunday was all about sunshine and fellowship with my friends new and old. Music in the park. Hugs, dancing and much love flowing around me. I got my car worked on by a long-time friend who made a special trip out to the shop to help me. He is my mechanic now. And I was able to drop off 6 more bags and a box to the back of barnical buddy's truck bed as arranged, while they were off cruising somewhere together enjoying the day as buddies do (hes glad he has his homeboy back!)
Home is quiet and lonely but without the smell of pot and sound of rap music Ill take the peace. And the restfull sleep that comes with it.
Peace. AAAAAAH.
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Comments
Next time his lawyer calls,
Next time his lawyer calls, refuse to answer and tell them to contact your lawyer. You never know what your words will be used for nor how they will be twisted.
I came here to say this exact
I came here to say this exact thing. If she calls again "Contact my attorney at x number" and hang up. Then block said number.
I really hope you called your
I really hope you called your lawyer and let them know that the defense attorney called you asking you questions, and that despite letting her know you had legal representation she continued to speak to you. Also why the fuck does this person have your phone number?
When is your hearing to get
When is your hearing to get your protective order permanently in place?
When will your attorney file for divorce?
why would your ring cameras need new batteries so quickly? Mine last for quite some time before needing batteries replaced.. esp when they are new...I am hoping/assuming you are the one who is the admin to manage them on the app. It's seriously so easy to use and install those cameras.. paying someone else to do that would not really be necessary. (beyond the plan to RING).
What does your lawyer say about your ExH's constant need to access the home? is there any way to give him a "one and done" visit per her? and decline any further? (or maybe one more when joint property is split)
Also.. be really mindful of allowing him to remove marital assets (things purchased during your marriage).. this INCLUDES his likely very expensive tools. I would be documenting everything he takes
Answers :D
When is your hearing to get your protective order permanently in place?
August 12 at 8:30 am
When will your attorney file for divorce?
Today, Monday August 4
why would your ring cameras need new batteries so quickly?
I didnt pre-charge them before installation (rookie move). Ive since youtubed videos to learn to change out the batteries and have a 2nd set, bought a ladder to change them out and am considering solar.
Mine last for quite some time before needing batteries replaced.. esp when they are new...I am hoping/assuming you are the one who is the admin to manage them on the app. It's seriously so easy to use and install those cameras.. paying someone else to do that would not really be necessary. (beyond the plan to RING).
What does your lawyer say about your ExH's constant need to access the home? is there any way to give him a "one and done" visit per her? and decline any further? (or maybe one more when joint property is split)
Great questions. Lawyer is suggesting that I put more time and attention towards divorce, and that would be part of it. I would love a truck to come up and get that classic car I supposedly ruined with my "evil ways" as well as other stuff. But its been slow because I dont want a bunch of people here and going through the house.
Also.. be really mindful of allowing him to remove marital assets (things purchased during your marriage).. this INCLUDES his likely very expensive tools. I would be documenting everything he takes.
I do a careful inventory of what I drop off - clothes, shoes (a number of expensive air jordans) watches, jewelry, tools, by taking photos. He has already taken 3 vehicles, which I have the titles to right now...
So he STOLE your vehicles.
So he STOLE your vehicles.
Yep. Report them stolen.
I can report that?
I WILL because its been one thing after another that he is trying to work me over with.
When I worked in family law
When I worked in family law we would regularly schedule a day that both parties, their lawyers and a police officer would be present to have a sorting of all items. That way it was complete, lawyers took note of items, sometimes these were video recorded and an officer being present made everybody behave.
Restraining order, cops
Restraining order, cops, restraining order, cops - stay strong.
Stay strong
I will make a plaque to hang on my wall next to the mirrors. I feel so weak and depleted lately.
CLove, do NOT allow Powersulk
CLove, do NOT allow Powersulk on your property. BLOCK HER. Her jackass father can make arrangements through the police to get her crap. Stop talking to them!
And his lawyer can suck rocks. She is NOT on your side and will use whatever she can against YOU. "This is my lawyer's number. Everything goes through him. Do not call me." Then block her.
Id had an idea ...
That maybe she would drop him. But now Im thinking that she should have hung up as soon as I told her I have representation.
I hope I didnt just ruin everything. But no more convos with her.
Lawyers look for loopholes.
Lawyers look for loopholes. You should only trust the one YOU hired.
Thanks for the update, I was worried.
Thanks for the update, I was worried. Generally, when someone is arrested for domestic violence/attempted murder and then has a restraining orders against them, they are allowed one visit while accompanied by the police, to get their things. That is it until either the property is divided in the divorce process, or the restraining order is dropped. You are under no obligation to allow him to remove anything from the property until it is decided in the divorce process. This really needs to stop. If he shows up again, or any of his friends or family arrives, simply call 911. No need to check with your lawyer first.
Ok,
That makes sense. Ill just clear things and store in the garage.
And.. are the attempted murder charges filed yet?
You are being way to damned nice and tolerant about all of this.
NO!!
Clove!! Do NOT speak with his attorney, his friends, his kids, anyone connected to that dude. STOP.
If that "lawyer" calls again, either don't answer or tell her to call your attorney and to NEVER call you directly again. Ignore ALL calls from his kids. BLOCK them. Someone shows up at your house??? Do NOT speak to them...simply call 9-1-1 for a RO violation and you are in fear of your life. You should HAVE been in fear with that many men in your driveway.
As Rags said, you are being nice and you need to stop. It's ONLY going to hurt YOU. This is serious. Cut off ALL communication with anyone associated with this man.
Please keep us updated. I think about you often.
((Hugs)) Thank you
I agree, I am definitely being too nice. Part of it is that I want to clear their chit out so I have space and can breathe. Its clutter to me. And it will be the final cut all ties because there is not any reason to contact me ever again.
But they definitely do not have my best interests at heart and are ONLY looking out for their abuser buddy.
You need to be clear with
You need to be clear with your lawyer about what he is entitled to get.. and when and how. You have already allowed him to move a lot of valuable things.. and things that were actually titled in your name? the cars? I am assuming he just didn't take them.. but you allowed it.
I know you want to not see him again.. but the reality is you will not be done with this or him in any short order.
For things like powersulk's personal belongings.. You can box up and provide a time for her to pick up boxes at the garage... I really feel like giving her access to the home is allowing your STBXH's flying monkey to have access to your place and to potentially steal or cause drama. I mean.. how much stuff is there really. The furniture is not hers.. so some clothes.. makeup.. junk like that? Can't be all that much..
For times when you DO need to have her come get her stuff. I would have someone present.. be recording.. have proof in case she accuses.
You need to ask your lawyer about the ongoing requests from your EX for access to things. His flying monkeys do not need to come and be constantly in and out of your home.
You finally do have a lawyer.. use them. Ask the lawyer what to do about all the requests for "his stuff"
I believe that usually the person wanting access to their personal property needs to contact law enforcement to coordinate getting that. It's not up to YOU to deal with barnacle.. or Power sulk etc..
Again.. your lawyer can confirm the process.. but part of the fall out for him is that he will have to deal with the process to get his things.
AND.. remember.. make sure you understand what is community property.. and that does not necessarily need to be given to him.
If he took vehicles that are titled in your name.. without your permission.. that well could be a criminal offense. your lawyer may contact his and ask for their return to avoid being charged.
I tried to be nice, too
I tried to be nice during my separation from my ex, too. My parents were saying all the things the Steptalker are saying. I had loved my handsome, funny ex and we had made a family so it was very hard for me to turn those feelings off. I told myself that him pointing a gun at me and threatening my life when I tried to leave was a one-time aberration. And, I wished him well
It took his friends warning me he was often carrying a gun and stalking me, then him kidnapping my son for the gravity of the situation to get thru to me. I still count myself lucky I lived through it all.
The only thing that stopped it was charging him with assault and the charges sticking. And, this was back in the day when I called the police at one point and they said, "they didn't like to get involved (in domestic situations)". I'd had a great relationship with his sister but when she had to put up their house for his bond, she called to beg me not to prosecute and I turned her down, that ended one of my life's best friendships.
We want to be nice but we can't and it's so hard. Stay strong,and vigilant girl. It won't be over for awhile.
.
I'm playing catch up while I
I'm playing catch up while I have a moment.
1. STOP stop talking to his friends, his child, his atty. EVERYTHING has to go through your ATTY. Assume any words at all are being taped by members of team him.
2. STOP stop being nice. You atty's name and number are all you have to say.
3. START thinking. Thing before you speak. Think before you agree to anything. Then go back to #1.
I've missed a lot of this but I'm on team you!
Yes ma'am
You are all caught up irl too.
Girl, those cars and boats
Girl, those cars and boats are ASSETS. If you have a claim to them, then they should be included in the divorce's division of property or ordered sold. You've gone into debt to be rid of this jerk, so stop handing over anything that could reduce that debt.
Become that big brick wall - wide, tall, and thick. All comms should be going through your attorney. THIS is how you protect your peace.
CLove, anything at all that
CLove, anything at all that was bought during your marriage is likely to be an asset - do not let them slip away, even if you think of them as being his, HALF of them belongs to YOU!
I showed the nice officers a
He should have been arrested on site.
You served the paperwork and so it doesn't matter if he chose to read it or not he has to be held accountable for thinking his actions have no consequences.
Girl his lawyer (and ANY of his people) are on his side. Do not get comfortable talking to any of them without your attorney
THIS is why you don't "hold a man down" during his down times. Too many of them unsavory and will not appreciate it and use you like an atm
Hes obviously lying .... If he's eating and has clothes on his back then he has money. Even disabled strung out homeless people can panhandle and get money then he has zero excuses as an able bodied male
Ignorance of the law is not a defense.
Refusal of service is legal proof of service. The Spermidiot learned that in a very expensive lesson. Then, he physically ran from the Constable who was serving him with the summons to a CS review hearing.
So, the revised CS order was implemented raising CS from $133/mo to $785/mo and direct payroll withholding was invoked. The Spermidiot came screaming into court requesting a CS review when he got his first $0.00 pay check.
Interestingly a review hearing was ordered though officially the Spermidiot could not request a CS review within 2yrs of a new CS order. But, SpermGrandHag cleans offices for several Judges and Law firms in SpermLand so..... the Spermidiot got his crybaby CS review a few months after the increase to $785/mo was invoked.
After the crybaby review hearing, CS was lowered from $785/mo to $385/mo. Typical people's republic of SpermLand court bullshit where morons are catered to.......
Because refusing a service constitutes legal acceptance and the Spermidiot refused to sign for several mailed summons notifications and then physically ran from the Constable, the Judge for the crybaby CS review hearing ruled that CS would be reduced from $785/mo to $385/mo after two years. Her honor made it clear that the Spermidiot's repeated refusal to accept summons did not buy him anything and at the moment of the first attempted signature required mail delivery he had been served whether he accepted it or not. So, he could pay $785/mo for the two years between the $785/mo order and the $385/mo order.
So what did he do? After 12yrs of not providing medical insurance as he was COd to do in the very first Custody/Visitation/Support hearing, and 3mos after the hearing contesting the $785/mo he obtained health insurance coverage for SS and the three younger also out of wedlock spawn by two other baby mamas. He then filed to have his CS reduced since he was now paying for medical insurance and part of his CS was to reimburse us for providing medical insurance for SS.
Her honor, I love this lady BTW, told him "The insurance you are providing is extremely low quality. You will continue to provide that insurance and you will continue to pay the respondent to provide high quality insurance. Because you have not waited the required 2yrs between CS review requests, you will continue to pay $785/mo for the 3 months between the last order and this one on top of the 2yrs for repeatedly refusing service and running form the Constable."
That was it. Other than their PASing, whining, and manipulation. They learned that their games returned painful consequences so they stopped engaging in court action and cringed any time we threatened court action.
CLove needs to skin this guy alive any and every time he flaps his idiot lips in violation of the law.