There was a recent post about building and maintaining the 'bridge' between DH and the skids - how we seem to go out of our way to ensure it is open for them while not we remain on one side, not encouraged to cross. 

You know what is odd though?  I went out of my way for years to help DH cross that bridge with SD.   I never, until recently, asked myself if DH would have done this for me.  But the realization was so overwhelming that I almost divorced him this past year.  DH never saw the necessity to disengage from my family because he never truly engaged with them.  He always maintained a 'safe' distance as to stay uninvolved in our relationships.  All of the 'hard work' with my family was done solely by me with virtually no input from him.  If there was an emotional issue DH remained silent or supported SD.  When SD or my family visited our home I did all of the 'heavy lifting' - preparation, purchasing and wrapping, cooking and cleaning up after while DH sat on his a$$ and reaped the rewards, viewed as 'the good husband' or 'loving father'.  Meanwhile, I was stressed out, trying so hard to live up to the image of 'perfect wife and mother'. 

Rags has often written of marriage as an 'equity partnership'.  Each partner has to be equally invested in the marriage, bringing out the best in each other.  For many Step Parents, honor, respect and expectations are unbalanced, heavily weighted on the side of the Bio-parent - rarely appreciated or reciprocated.

New years is upon us, and along with it, resolutions.  One of mine is to lose 5 pounds and to get in better shape.  I am also going to expect emotional equality in our relationship. I will be making a list of what DH does for me and what I do for him.  We are also going to have a conversation about our expectations of each other.  If the list is unbalanced we are going to make adjustments.  This will be the year of change and greater understanding. 

What is your resolution?