The 'Mother'
This weekend we spent the weekend at my BIL's house. His wife is quite a character - always right about everything. (Belgium was part of Germany before WWII - don't ya know), and she made the same comment several times about how she was her SD's Mother, and how appalled she was at the way her SD's husband treated her. How she yelled, "THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!"
She knows the relationship my SD and I have so after the fourth time I was kind of wondering what was the purpose of repeating herself over and over again. Of course, my come-backs are always three days late so on the way home I thought I SHOULD have replied, "My SD would never go for me calling myself her Mother." So I kick myself in the a$$ for not thinking fast enough and go on.
There ARE a few differences between my BIL's wife and I, and our relationships with our SDs. As she was blabbing on, she mentioned that she could correct her SD if needed - something my SD would not go for either - and I would be paying for the rest of my life. Another thing is that her SD was not constantly told how much better she was than anyone else. In fact this was a problem with the rest of DH's family because the way SD treated me lapped over to the rest of the family so they do not include her in family events. or want much to do with her at all. I'm kind of wondering if her SD 'humors' her just to keep the peace. I also know that DH's brother has a very high regard for his wife and places her as #1 in his life - a quality that didn't seem to drift down to his younger brother. This is a further example of how setting priorities in the beginning of the marriage is so important.
The conclusion that I came home with is that there ARE some SDs out there who respect SMs, including DH's SIL, but I wonder what the percentage is. It would be wonderful to be able to send this overly-confident woman a belated reply - if only to satisfy selfish my wish to somewhat dampen her self-righteousness.
I thought about writing something like, "I admire the fact that you and your SD have such a good relationship, something that would never be tolerated by my SD or her 'real' Mother." Any suggestions?
Unless you want to get into
Unless you want to get into the weeds of everything in your relationship with your husband and sd then I would leave it be and not say anything. People who haven’t experienced it don’t understand.
Well, we have no idea if her
Well, we have no idea if her SD secretly rolls her eyes every time her stepmother insists she is the MOTHER.
Me too!
I am on Facebook with her SD, who is a sweetheart, and I have NEVER seen a post where her SD refers to BIL's wife as her 'Mother'. Not one. BUT she writes a lot about how much she loves BM. Ya, perhaps the thought of her SD secretly rolling her eyeballs helps. Because I was doing it a lot as I was 'being educated' in SIL's version of world history. LOL
I DO envy DH's SIL. She's a lucky lady. Her SD has always treated her with respect. Funny, after all of these years being disengaged a touch of the resentment came back. Moving on.
I'd just let it go, sandye.
I'd just let it go, sandye. Seldom does any good come from trying to have a convo of any depth with a battleaxe.
She sounds like one of those
She sounds like one of those people you just need to give a smile and nod and move on.
I do not share anything about my relationship with SD (or lack thereof) with any of my DH's family, or even some of my friends and family, simply because there is a SM bias and unless they're in the trenches themselves or have experienced my SD's atrocious behavior first hand, they just don't get it.
What ExJ said ^^^^^
What ExJ said ^^^^^
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Reminds me of my dead MIL...she would NOT shut up and she knew everything about EVERYTHING. She thought so highly about herself.
Anyway I know I told this story here on st but I will tell it again. MIL actually told us about this.
At a dinner party the MIL was attending, as usual she was talking. talking and talking. Another guest finally had enough and told her "WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP, your taking over the entire evening and NO one can get a word in. Frankly your a bore 'mil's name'.
Well MIL told me that SHE was so offended that someone would say such a thing about her Magnificent Wonderfulness. I tried to get it out of her the name of the person who said that. I wanted to send flowers. But of course I couldnt get a word in.
Anyway..chances are high that NO one has ever had the guts to tell your BIL's wife to knock it off. I wonder IF the kid actually does call her "MOTHER".....
No
Have never actually heard the SD call her SM, "Mother". And you nailed it - she talks non-stop. The really sad thing is she can't hear too well anymore so three days of it was a bit much. Actually, I like her - as long as it's not for over a few hours. But I have to admit she DOES give the impression she is prefect - and she gets catty at times.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes
it's those people who talk the loudest, proclaim to have it the best etc who actually have a low self esteem or some other issue themselves? Kind of makes sense...if she feels the need to 'educate you' on how wonderful steplife is - perhaps she doesn't have it so good? Her SD might be an angel, but it takes 2 to have a good relationship...
I wouldn't bother saying anything to her
Braggarts aren't worth your
Braggarts aren't worth your time. Ignore.