Hi Everyone.

You gave me such good advise last time that I am coming back for more. My situation in a nutshell ( a big nutshell )...BF and BM split close to two years ago. He moved out. Met me months later...we got involved...I moved thousands of miles so we could be together. He has 2 sons aged 17 and 19. BM was fine with the separation and even said in an email over a year ago that she understood why he moved out. She didn't have much contact with him, and didn't even bother to find out where he was living for over a year as long as he remained her bank. Until I came along, and BF and I decided to share a home. Then she decided she wanted him back! And since Nov, it's been hell with her begging, and pleading, and claiming all kinds of severe emotional distress, and claiming the kids are falling apart. These are the same kids who when told about me in August, were OK with it, and told their dad that they understood. I was honestly shocked at the time that they were that accepting. Well no more.

She is constantly dredging up old photos, sending cards to BF, sending emails, she even mailed their marriage certificate to him with a letter about their past trying to get BF back. And she involves the kids in every bit of it. And I mean every bit. She copies them on her emails to their dad. And passes on his emails to her. She tells them about the cards she sends, and how she is trying to get him back. She always signs her emails "for better or worse" and says they took him for better or worse, why can't he take them. She emails him that he is the only one who can heal them all. That he is the only one with the power to fix everything. That the boys won't be successful in life if he doesn't come "home." She always, always makes it that he is rejecting his kids because he no longer wants to be in a relationship with her. It is relentless. I mean truly relentless! She even sent me a horrible letter and followed it up with a voice mail with her 17 year old right beside her. When I responded with my own email and tried to return her calls, she threatened me with a RO! The attorney laughed his a$$ off. Anyway, keep in mind, that the kids were ok with me until just a couple of months ago. And that I had nothing to do with the demise of their marriage. It was long over when I came along.

My question is, can anyone think of a way to let her know how damaging it is to involve children, even nearly adult children in her emotional turmoil? I found a web-site on adult children of divorce that has many great articles on this issue, and these articles stress over and over again how damaging it is to a child to make them your confidant, to treat them as an adult partner, to use them to vent instead of your adult friends and family, to put them in the middle.

The result is, that the kids will no longer talk to their dad. She has them so emotionally wrapped up in her suffering that they have decided to reject their father. She talks about how proud she is of them...that have become such compassionate young men...she doesn't have a clue the emotional damage she is doing.

I cannot email her or in any way provide her with this info, and neither can my BF because she would realize who found it, and would reject it and would make his life miserable because of it.

Any ideas? Thanks so MUCH!!! I LOVE THIS SITE.