I'm at my lowest today. It has been six days since my husband was taken to jail, and a "Mandatory Protection Order" was ordered by the judge. He is out, and on probation for 18 months and until that time, he cannot come home. A man who has never had a record. A kind, patient, and loving man who has let things get too far because of his grown daughter. We're out of money and he is out of his house.

Husband has two kids, both in college; his son's third year, and his daughter (who still lives in her mother's house) just started this Fall. His son has always had a great relationship with him despite the hatred his mom taught he and his sister (we have numerous tapes of this alienation since the kids were in Kdg and Pre-School). We moved away but husband still sent for them during the Summers, or went there to visit. Kept up on their lives via phone in between. Gifts sent to each other, cards, etc. Husbands daughter has taken over the abuse her mom has put us through all these years, and treats her dad horribly. It started when the child support stopped for his son (the oldest) went he went off to college as per the divorce decree. Vile names, filthy language, abuse started on the phone, texts, email, and when he goes out to visit them. Her reasoning; he doesn't give them enough money and wasn't a "Dad" because he wasn't physically there. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of times he has cried to her and told her he was sorry. Then she's sweet to him for a week or so.... until she asks him for money for a car, or college, or a computer and when he tells her he doesn't have the money, she starts in again about what a piece of shit he is, deadbeat dad, scum of the earth, and the rest is vulgar so I won't post it here. He tells her that he has always provided for them and never missed a child support payment in all these years. She keeps saying it's not enough (this is -exactly- what her mom has told us all these years.....we have that on tape as well.) She gets $1,200 per month for lifetime alimony, and $1,200.00 for child support. She's a teacher and makes $73,000.00 per year (I'll tell you how we know that in a minute) and didn't work prior to their divorce.

The stress was enormous and I could see that it was slowly eating away at my husband. We found out that he had a heart condition and is now on tons of medication, and having to have blood draws every other week to monitor everything. He sees the cardiologist after each blood draw.
When the emotional abuse worsened, I begged my husband to please tell his kids about his heart and maybe his daughter would find it within her heart to move forward in a positive direction. He kept hesitating because he's a very private person (not even wanting our friends to know), and didn't want his kids or parents to worry about him. But the abuse from his daughter continued and reached a level of massive proportion. While on a trip to visit them, she started calling him names at the restaurant for not giving them more money and then demanded he take her home. As they started driving away, she started screaming at him telling him what a dead beat dad and pathetic loser he is and she jumped out of the car in the middle of the road and refused to get back in. My husband was so frightened as to what she could do! His daughter called her mom on the cell phone and she came with a friend to pick her up.

A few months later when he finally thought it was enough and they couldn't regulate his medication, he knew he had to get rid of some stress so he told his kids. No reaction. The abuse from his daughter continued.

Last year was a little better in visiting them during the Summer. He helped his son put together a computer (in the ex's house mind you) and it was "somewhat comfortable" with his daughter. He came back home and two days later he was served with a papers to appear in court for six years Arrearage on Alimony. We were a mess. Six years ago my husband was laid off from his telecommunting job in Silicon Valley. After exhausting our savings and paying bills, child support, and alimony on charge cards for three months, my husband asked his ex if he could stop her alimony (not child support) just until he gets a job. He kept sending her the name of each company he interviewed with on a weekly basis but the offers were so much less than what he was making. He wanted to show her his effort. She didn't respond to any of his email. He tried calling her but she wouldn't answer, and the kids weren't talking to him either. He told her there was no way he could afford a lawyer to modify since he lost his job. Still no answer. About four weeks later he took a job in town paying $13,000.00 less than what he made in Silicon Valley. He wrote her again asking her to please take less alimony since he wasn't making as much anymore, and that he would always keep the child support the same. He told her, "I put you through college, I gave you the house and everything in it, can you just please accept less alimony because you didn't work before we got out divorce." She wrote back and said, "I feel your pain, and yes, I can understand. God Bless." We couldn't believe the word usage. We thought for sure she'd curse and call names as she always has. So, we were relieved. My husband started paying half of the alimony, and all of child support.

My husband fell into a deep depression a few months after we were served. We couldn't believe she could do something so cruel. To deceive us all those years in order to financially cripple us. My husband started seeing a Psychiatrist and Psychologist weekly, and was placed on two anti-depressants. We lost in court when the judge didn't want to see the email she sent six years ago. Ordered us to pay all of the back alimony, and would not eliminate lifetime alimony. So on top of what he ordered us to pay for the next five years in back alimony per month, we still have to pay her the $1,200. in lifetime alimony.

The depression worsened and his doctors kept adjusting amounts and trying different anti-depressants. Weekly appointments continued. We eliminated everything we could to bring down our monthly bills and don't go anywhere except for my family functions because they're free

The daughter's graduation was coming up and she told him that she wanted him to pay for her and her brother to come visit us. What??? I told him under NO circumstances could I handle that. The last time she came here, she tried throwing me down the steps and my neighbor kept yelling for her to stop or she'd call the police!!! She had gone berserk on my husband and he was going to cancel their trip to the pool because of it. I told him that it wasn't fair to his son, so as soon as she calms down leave her here and take his son. That I would be ok. Famous last words. We fought many days about this and I couldn't get him to realize that she has been emotionally abusing him, call us names, and why on EARTH would she want to come to visit us unless she wanted to put us through it in PERSON? He was so angry with me. So, I came up with a plan. I told him why don't WE borrow money from your parents and go to her graduation and visit her there?? He told me, "Because she already said she didn't want me there." Seriously? What is not to get in this picture???

Then it was time for him to go visit them last month. His yearly visit. We had to borrow the money from his parents because we're so freaking broke He was a total wreck and stayed in bed as much as he could days leading up to his flight. His daughter told him don't bother thinking he was going to see her. So my husband said ok and that he would just go pick up his son from their mom's house when his flight got in. He and his son had a nice time at my in-laws house two hours away. But each day, his daughter would text him and tell him to go pick her up for dinner (TWO HOURS AWAY) and my husband did..... each night. And each night at dinner she would cause a scene and start yelling at him saying he was lying that we don't have money because she had seen a post on my facebook saying "Thank God, after three years we finally have a working A/C" (uh....and we'll be paying for that for two years too, but she has no clue about financing," and leave. Each night would be very uncomfortable for he and his son on that long drive back to the MIL's because of his daughter. His son doesn't want to be in the middle of it. finally, the last night he was there, he took his son back to college and his daughter told him to take her to dinner again. Same thing... but this time he let her yell with everyone looking on and then told her, "YOU are the child, I am the adult and you see things black and white. You have NO right to know ANYTHING about my finances. Now, you can either ACCEPT me or not...the ball is in YOUR court." She called him some very hurtful names and left again.

They didn't communicate with each other after he came home. Things seemed to be good with my husband's attitude, but after about a week he started getting short with me over the smallest of things. It started getting worse and I asked him about it, if he noticed it? He said yes. Then a week later he admitted to me that he quit all his medication cold turkey because they weren't working. Oh my God. After I told him that could cause SEIZURES and to please go back on them!! he told me he'd start taking ONE starting this weekend. I made him promise he would tell his Psychiatrist so that she could prescribe something else or fix the doses again!

In the meantime...

Last week she started sending me email harassing me over and over that I'm lying about my MS, and that I'm just a selfish gold digger. She called my husband that same night and told him he's a no-nothing sorry excuse for a provider and that SHE is the one who talked her mom into going for the six years back alimony, and how did he like THAT, huh? Doesn't feel good, does it! You scum. You'd rather pay for your brainfart (I have MS) wife who has been lying about her MS, instead of taking care of your kids! How do you feel about yourself??? No answer, huh? Figures.

The harassing email to me kept up all night and the phone calls to my husband continued for a little over two hours. Finally she agreed to move forward... My husband told her he's tired of saying sorry over and over and it's never enough and that if they are to have a relationship from now on, then it moves FORWARD. If she starts bringing up anything from the past, then he will hang up on her. They ended the night on very good terms. But when I kept showing him the email she was still sending me, he became angry and started telling me to IGNORE IT!!! He went to bed after shouting at me and I reached my limit. I got on FB and asked if -anyone- knew how in the heck someone is STILL able to send email when I have them blocked??? People started giving me suggestions and after several posts from friends trying to help they asked why. I told them it's beyond my imagination how people have such cruelty to make fun of a disability. All of a sudden my husband comes to the top of the stairs and yells at me to STOP POSTING OUR BUSINESS ON FACEBOOK!!!! I told him I've had it...I'm going to handle it MY way now. I ended up writing her back (stupid I know):

"I'm so sorry that you have such a cruel way of expressing your grief regarding you and your dads' relationship. I have never dealt with my MS, and your cold attempt to make me feel like I'm a lesser part of society has made me feel saddened....and forces me to think of what my future holds. But, it's ok.... I know you're hurting so you feel the need to hurt others. We have all gone through that... our anger takes over....we're all human. I wish you happiness in your life, Becky. I hope that my MS will not consume your thoughts because it has never taken over mine. Be well. Get well."

Wrong way to handle it, I know. I made a very poor choice. I went upstairs and told him I wrote her back. He was so ANGRY but when I told him to read it, he was ok about it. The next day I woke up to yet another email to me from his daughter and emailed him at work asking him to PLEASE, PLEASE make it stop??? He read it and told me he was going to call her after work, before his therapy session, and talk to her about it. He thanked me for letting him know. This was her email:

"I'm afraid you've given away your cover. As stated above, you've never dealt with MS. So here is the proof that you have been a selfish gold digger all along. I don't know who you're trying to fool anymore-- Me or yourself. Look forward to hearing from ya soon, since you don't have anything better to be doing HaHa!"

Things seemed to have calmed between us during the day because he sent me a text asking how my grandma was (she had just suffered a heart attack the night before) and how my mom was doing (she has also had three heart attacks). I told him what was going on and didn't hear back from him the rest of the day. His therapy appointment is at 5:00 and is an hour long. I get a text at 8:30 p.m. saying he was going to stop off at a bar and have a drink. This is NOT like him at ALL! So I sent him a text asking if he was ok?? He said, "Yeah, things went good." I sent back, "Are you just now getting out of therapy?" He sends, "No, I had to call ___ (his son) after and then I had to eat." I sent back, "I'm glad you got to talk to ___ :)" I was wondering why he hadn't talked to his daughter about her harassing emails? He comes home at 10:00 p.m. and says in an ugly voice, "night" and walks upstairs. I followed him up to see what the heck was going on?? I asked him if he was ok? He told me to leave him alone. I asked him if he talked to his daughter? He said yes and that she would not bother me again. The UGLIEST voice coming out of his mouth... it was alarming. So I asked him again, "Hon, what is wrong??" He starts yelling at me that he doesn't want to talk to me because I'm sabotaging his relationship with his kids and to get the ____ out NOW!!! I tried rubbing his arm to calm him down and told him shhhhhhhhh (I didn't want him to wake my adult daughter who is staying with us. He started grabbing and pushing me and yelling at me to GET OUT and then said, "You know how I felt like choking you that one time? Well I FEEL LIKE DOING IT AGAIN" and pushed me out the door with my daughter yelling at him to STOP!!! (the choking reference happened after his kids went back to VA after the daughter tried throwing me downstairs and we both agreed that he would start going to visit THEM instead of them coming here from now on. But then came a night when he told me this is HIS house TOO and his kids WILL continue to come to visit us and he doesn't care what I say, that's how it's going to be! He didn't put pressure on my neck, just made the motion to try to frighten me.)
The police interviewed me, my daughter and husband. Husband said he was "trying to intimidate me and that he was so angry because I put things on Facebook about our private life, and that I wouldn't leave the room when he told me to."

The only thing I can figure out is that sometime between his workday ending and the bar, he talked to his daughter and it didn't end up well as per usual. In withdrawing from his medication....he snapped, and I was around to get his rage out. So here we are today. He, staying at a hotel spending every last cent we have on that bill, food, gas, and whatever his weekly Domestic Abuse Classes and Supervision charges are going to be. Unable to communicate for 18 months. I am lost and so devastated that it came to this point. I'm sorry for this being so long.