Holiday Blues
Forums:
Well, hello everyone, it's that time of year when the seasonal depression kicks in, when your hubs starts extraordinarily pining after the adult children who've ostracized him, and when holiday get together manipulation begins. Oh, the joy! Actually, the holiday joy left me years ago and the depression, anxiety and strategizing kicked in. As I sit here typing, I'm thinking just hoe much I don't even try to hide the blues from my bluesy hubs. We sit I silence right next to each other listening to the sound of whatever's playing on the tv or looking at his work laptop and my social media. For me, it's an agonizing countdown to January 2.
How about you?
Oh, and I should mention that
Oh, and I should mention that the Adams family-like extended family has formed an alliance and is also ostrisizing us.
My SO doesn't want to go to
My SO doesn't want to go to his family's Thanksgiving because his mom is out of the country. I was like "Really? You sure?" Desperately trying to hide my happiness. Some of his family are loyal to BM2 and treat me like crap so I'm thrilled not to go. I'm sure we will do Christmas, but it's only a few hours so I make nice. Nobody in SO's family knows about SD25's pregnancy (she's nearly 6 months along!) so i'm sure he is avoiding dealing with that. I doubt she will come to town but who knows. Drama will ensue if so. Drama will probably ensue anyway, so i'll prepare my mental popcorn.
Been trying to deal with it for years
I know exactly what you mean about the holiday dread and depression. For years, I've been trying to figure out how to deal with it. To top it off, my birthday is about a week before Christmas, right when the crazy is amping up most.
I do a few things, not that its the total cure. I clear the decks for November and December - no projects, doctor appts, maintenance, anything I can put off. I've got the Christmas giving down to $, no shopping. I actively try to focus on the positives like the lights, my tree, the music. I lavishly celebrate my birthday.
We will still hear SD63's whining, complaining and manipulating. There will still be some emergency. I will still have to go somewhere I don't want to go.
December 26 is not far away - day of total relief
Can you all start a new
Can you all start a new tradition of going away for the holidays (or at least one holiday)? Maybe a change of scenery can help? Doing something different?
It's so discouraging that so many of these situations result in crappy, bluesy holidays. BM here as well as the skids always used the holidays to try to hurt us. It worked well early on. Emotionally, I'm detached from it. DH has gotten better, but he's still not "there." He says he doesn't like the holidays because it's a time people use to hurt each other. Well, yea, if you let them. It's been a long time.
My DH is in full pining mode
My DH is in full pining mode too. He's always struggled with the holidays and I've learned to do my own thing. This was SD's big season to be in charge of gift giving--DH received his instructions and he complied. I messed that up because I wanted a say in how my money was spent. But now that she is not speaking to him, she gets no gifts or cash.
SS is unemployed and yet too busy to visit. He's been too busy for 10 years. DH went to his house last year while I stayed with my family. Neither of us wants to make that long trip again.
DH suggested that we take a long weekend and go somewhere. I'm ok with that but I'm not ok doing all the planning and prep.
I'll admit I still carry some resentment for all those years we made the pilgrimage to Skidville, where I could be ignored. If we did go to my family, it was only after the Skidville nonsense. All of that energy, all of that money has resulted in abandonment for DH. He was right--if he stopped dancing to their tune they wouldn't want him around. It's so sad