Am I unreasonable? What to do?
DH and I have been living together for over a year and he has two college age daughters. I have a daughter of my own the same age and one middle school child who lives with us half of the time. I had nothing to do with the break up of my DH and his ex.
The ex has been diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and continually stirs the pot and plays games with him and the children. I have tried to disengage but sometimes it just really gets to me and I speak my mind.
I feel like he lets them get away with being very disrespectful not only to him but to me as well.
Case in point, his youngest daughter is on vacation with the mother and this morning decided 4am was a good time to call and say Happy Father's Day. She should know better. Basically, it ruined the rest of the day for us as I could not go back to sleep and had about 3 hours. I tried to nap so that he and I could go out and I could at least show him some appreciation for him, even though they did not but I was just dragged out and didn't have the energy for it.
Now, if this phone call were a one time thing, I could probably over look it and let it go but it has happened 3 TIMES in the last 4 days! Last night 4 am, the night before 2am and tonight 130am. Who in their right mind calls people at that time of day and thinks it is okay??????
I have ended up getting angry with him because I feel that he does nothing about it and they get away with it. I feel completely powerless in this whole situation.
There are so many other examples, this is just the latest.
How do you disengage when it is right in your face like that?
He did finally put the phone
He did finally put the phone on vibrate at least after the last call. They do not have the home phone number thank God. I guess my bigger problem is the difficulty I have in disengaging.
Commenting to your husband is
Commenting to your husband is not a failure to disengage. You may give him your opinion once on any subject in private (sans kids) then shut up and let him do as he sees fit.
Perhaps you haven't read this article it may help:
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Phone off the hook or turned
Phone off the hook or turned to silent. You don't have to answer!
I've had this middle-of-night
I've had this middle-of-night calling a couple times with my SS but it was on the landline which is my work phone, so I simply blocked his number whilst emailing him reminding him of DH cell number and fact he could call him anytime as he would answer quickly. I wonder if there is a way of having a cell on silent whilst somehow attaching a microphone on the ringer, into your DH ear? Rigging that up might persuade him how stupid it is not to tell his daughter to simply lay off calling at unsociable hours.
I would definitely have him
I would definitely have him tell the kids to call during normal waking hours. That is a reasonable request but if the skid still doesn't abide by that rule then I would ask your DH to tell the skid to only call his cell phone and turn the ringer off the land line. Then have your DH turn his cell phone on vibrate and put it under his pillow. The vibration will wake him up but not you. When he answers the call he needs to go to another room to talk. After a couple of times of getting up in the middle of the night to go to another room and am preety sure he will put a stop to this nonsense.
that's a brilliant tip Ready
that's a brilliant tip Ready for Freedom, thanks so much. I too will use this idea if my SS22 starts up this behavior again.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your replies. He emailed and actually blocked the phone number on his cell. He will talk with her when she gets back.
This was just another "incident" in a long list of ongoing games that are played. I read that article suggested about disengagement and a took away a lot of really great points to practice. I should really try not to say anything when these things go on, even if it is really difficult. They are his children, his ex to deal with.
I just don't understand why some exes get so crazy! My ex and I get along great. His new wife and I exchange christmas presents with each other even lol. She is a wonderful stepmother to my son.