Skids straining my marriage
I will try to condense a long story. I got remarried 4yrs ago, I have a 17yr daughter and my HD has 24yr boy, 23yr boy and a 21yr girl. My daughter and 21 and 23 Skids live with us. Throughout, these years both Skids have been in and out of the house, living with mom or friends. Well, now they have both be living with us for about a year consistently. When ss came back to live with us HD told him he had to get a part time job and go back to college. SS did both but refuses to stop smoking pot and who knows what other drugs. Not to mention that he comes and goes as he pleases. He will leave at 10pm come back 2hr later then leave again after midnight and come back again at 130am, then leave again at 2am and come back at 4am. I often wonder why all the comings and goings? Oh, also ss has been arrested for drugs too. My HD sets no rules in our home. Within months of ss moving back in SD decides to move back home too. Oh, i forgot to mention, I had no say so in Skids coming back to live with us. I was told by my HD that if I didn't like it , I had the choice to leave. Well SD moves back in and no rules for her either. It's actually better for her because my HD didn't tell her to find a job or go to school. She lays around watching TV, blasting the music, on the internet, on the cell phone or out with friends 24/7 without worrying about any responsibilities. My HD gives her money, takes her out to eat and see movies. She sits around all day long and this has been going on for a year now. Oh, yes and I forgot to mention that also within the year she managed to be arrested for drug possession with her mother and sent to cook county jail for a month. Now she is on probabation for 4 yrs. and has to be drug tested every month. My SD lies to my HD constantly and tells him all kinds of stories, how I yell at them, I'm not kind to them, I make their life horrible. My HD believes everything and thinks I hate his kids. We argue every day about the Skids. My HD says how selfish, mean,unloving,hateful I am every single day. I just have choosen not to interact with them because of all the false accusations and disrespectful behavior they have towards me and the way they are living their life under my roof. My HD truly believes that I hate the Skids that the past few days he has been threatening me with divorce.I have no say so in this household. Anyone have any advice or thoughts?
You need to get out of that
You need to get out of that toxic environment. Get out and don't look back. You can blame this on your stepkids but it's your husband calling the shots and totally disrespecting you. This is not a healthy or loving relationship.
It's time for you to see that you matter and you are worth something. Just remember it's never to late to start over and live a happy and joyful life...
Z
I could not live like this.
I could not live like this. Your husband is making it easy for his kids to walk all over you both. If you agreed to this, it is one thing but if you are uncomfortable that is quite another. I think it's time you calmly express your feelings on the subject of the adult children. I think they need to be finding their own place to live and stop disrupting your home and life with husband. If your husband feels differently, he just handed you your walking papers.
Behavior by your DH is
Behavior by your DH is UNACCEPTABLE. I agree with the other posters...you deserve so much better than that. If he wants a miserable life with his loser, low-life, bratty, idiot kids let him have it! It won't be long before he realizes what a huge mistake he's making. It also doesn't mean that you should wait for that either. Moving on is a much better idea for you. Get a lawyer and draft up the divorce papers yourself - serve his ass. Threatening someone with a divorce is a horrible thing to do, DH is looking for a reaction. Honestly, this is not your problem...what the hell does he expect you to do?? He didn't even check with you before the assholes moved in with you! He should have respected you enough to discuss it first I would have been furious. How can someone who claims to love you be so ready and willing to toss you aside for ADULT children?? You are his WIFE and should be the most important. They may think they're winning but the only one who really wins in this situation is you. Think about it, you get to walk away with your daughter and create a nice, quiet, functional place for the two of you without the influence of the useles skids....YOU WIN!
"My HD believes everything
"My HD believes everything and thinks I hate his kids"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Gee I wonder why? You don't say if your daughter is a problem at all? Has your DH ever stopped to think how HE would feel if YOUR daughter was an on probation druggie, mooching off of him and his kids how HE might feel about the situation?
I'm sure he has not because he sounds like a selfish, arrogant jackass. I'd take him up on his offer and leave,, pronto!
You have choices,but none of
You have choices,but none of them easy.1)accpet it,live with it.2)get out now,or,3)give it one last shot,but be prepared for hell on earth.
You DH has issues with his children,that only 'he' can put right.His choices are instrumental in making this work,or making this fail,and as much as i hate to say this,it strikes me,and other posters,that he is more interested in pleasing and appeasing his adult kids,rather than wanting to do the right thing,which is,being a husband,and being a proper father.What really concerns me,is the way you describe his attitude towards you as a whole,and like many of us here,you have no doubt tried and tried and tried,in all kinds of ways,to let your husband know that his,and his childrens issues,are driving a stake right through the very heart of your marriage-If he is in no way prepared to acknowledge,or recognize that what he is doing and allowing,is wrong and harmful,then he may well continue to treat ,'you',as the enemy,the trouble maker,the one who is making waves....,etc, etc-To be able to even know where to start with someone like your DH,it will honestly suck the life out of you 'trying',it will consume every ounce of resiliance you have,and 'that' wouldn't even come close to the work you would have cut out for yourself-Ask yourself,is 'he' really worth that with no garuntees?
I also have a SS20 with drug
I also have a SS20 with drug and mental health issues - cannot move back in us or I leave and I really mean it. There is no way you should sit around and watch the enabling.
Time to start packing. Your
Time to start packing. Your DH has no respect for you or your opinions. The mere fact that he didn't even consult with you before they moved in was a red flag. I would have contacted an attorney the next day.
Why should you remain in this miserable existence because he choses to enable his kids? You and your daughter deserve better. Get a plan to get out now because life is too short to be held hostage in a home where you don't have a say. Let him stay and deal with his shiftless clan, you on the other hand don't have to unless you choose to.
Last year one of my husband's nieces who lives out of state, decided she was going to go to a college nearby. I put my foot down before he could even consider letting her move in with us. His logic would have been . . geez, she could save her money . . blah blah blah. It's bad enough that my lazy SD (27) lives with us so he knew better. You have to put your foot down or people will walk all over you.
Good luck.