32 year old SD is manipulative, rude and disrespectful. :)
Over the coarse of 5 years I began to notice a change in the SD behavior towards me. Couldn't place my finger on it.
This past summer, my husband decided to accept a transfer to Texas. I knew this was going to go over like a lead brick in water with his 2 girls. He told them during Family Vacation. The youngest cried and did discuss with me her fears. The oldest, well she was her usual rude self. I discussed this with husband. We agreed to stand united.
The very week my husband left, the oldest SD began to make rude comments on my Facebook. I deleted them. I do not have to listen to her rude immature things. She atacked me on my Facebook. I deleted it and removed her from my Facebook. I matter of factly informed my husband of her behaviors. Then I wrote a very strong email about the entire scenerio which was read to my husband and agreed we send it. No word. Thanksgiving, no word. The SD did call her dad and play the poor poor pitiful me scenerion but I am relieved to say it blew up in her face! Her father stood behind he id not approve of her behavior. My husband and I agree this adult child has done this to everyone over and over again. Now that she has come after me, I am a strong person! I will not tolerate her behavior and it needs to be addressed and the SD needs to be held accountable!
Her father has never had a good relationship with this girl. She is rude and manipulative to every relationship her father has had. We feel she has never effectively dealt with her anger for his leaving. The BiMom is still in the picture and I had to put up with combined Christmases with her at the SD homes. Not fun with her one liners!
BYW My understanding of what happened in the marriage was the BioMom was seeing her boss and the Bio Father got tired of her behavior and left. My understanding of their lives after the divorce was Mom poisioning the oldest SD mind about her father. The youngest ate and watched TV and ballooned weight wise.
Christmas came, my husband did call his girls. The oldest was reserved but appreciated the call. I didn't get anything sent out because of the major relocating move and I suffered a croneal abrasion on the 20th of December.
We get to a week ago. When I email to give updates, I email all of the girls. The oldest SD notifies her father that I am acting like everything is ok?! No, I can rise about her and go on with my life. I do not have to condone her behavior but she is his daughter and informing them is socially correct. Well, obviously she thought since her Dad called her on Christmas everything is ok. He informed her it is not and until she apologises for her behavior the issue is not resolved. She told him she would not do it and hung up but then texts him saying I needed to apologise to her for sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong? HELLO? This is my husband and my life partner, if it affects him or has affected him then IT IS MY BUSINESS!
I do not call it being nosey trying to understand Family Dynamics so as I can affectively deal with situations when they arise to help my husband better understand just where she is coming from!
Has this Adult SD been forcoming in her feelings, none of this would have happened.
Oldest SD has to have someone to blame. She cannot accept her Father wanted out of the ice and snow months on end. The SD blamed me for the move due my my BioD lived 6 hours away instead of 14 hours. But my BioD had moved before I moved to Texas. So that proved her theory wrong.
Sorry, I am not going to allow this SD to manipulate things any further. She has stepped on the wrong persons toes and her father is tired of it as well.
Time to stop all communication with both of his girls and let him do it! He can send the presents, call them, make arraggments with them. I am taking myself out of this picture! I see it as a damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Good for you for disengaging.
Good for you for disengaging. I agree with Mustang. Let DH contact them, send gifts, etc., and have nothing to do with them. I did this a year ago and have not been sorry. Life is a lot easier.
Yes indeed, it does make life
Yes indeed, it does make life easier. My DH does all the reaching out to my SD (28). When I tried to be nice, she didn't appreciate my kindness. So I disengaged. By the time she started acting like she had some sense, I no longer cared and a relationship with her was no longer relevant.
Disengaging is a most
Disengaging is a most wonderful thing. DH deals with his adult kids himself. I facilitate nothing. They don't get any benefits from my resources. I'm A-OK with that.
Disengaging from adult skids
Disengaging from adult skids is a wonderful thing.
I don't agree disengaging is
I don't agree disengaging is a wonderful thing, I think when all else has failed then it is the onlhy thing we can do for our sanity and our emotional and physical well being, I banned my SD 30 from coming to my home last August and I am only just beginning to start to get well now, 6 months later. I don't feel great it came to this, but I do not regret my decision. These spoilt brats have no idea just what it is they threw away in my SD's case at this point in time she has not seen her father for 6 months, still he seems happier and I know I am this girl is plain evil, but I do think it is a shame that she could not let her selfishness, greed and jealosy take a back seat to her father's happiness.
Now, just an observation here, wondered what other think.
When I grew up it was a mark of respect for children to phone the parents for holidays etc, now it seems that parents on top of everything else are expected to make the Christmas/holiday phone calls to these spoilt brats as well. Surely these stepadults could at least pick up the phone and ring the parents at Christmas, yes I know there hands are tied up grabbing things from the parents, but a quick phone call on speaker wouldn't hurt
Yes in a perfect world our
Yes in a perfect world our stepchildren would love their fathers enough to put aside their jealousies and accept his wife, alas, the world is far from perfect as evidenced by your SK lack of seeing your glittering personality and falling in love with you
How funny, I too thought in time DHs kids would see me for what I am and not what they perceived me to be. Oh well, too bad, so sad. Disengaging for me was the last step and it took me a very long time to take that step, I wanted to take it the first day I met SD, but I absolutely did not, I gave it years, and I thought about it for years, so when the time finally came I have no regrets, well maybe one, I did not do it sooner. But I do think it puts a strain on the marriage, time will tell whether the marriage will or will not survive the disengaging, but sometimes there truly is no other option and whatever the consequencess are, they are. Personally things here seem to be settling down very well since there has been no contact since before Christmas, now as sad as that is, the cold hard truth is my husband is far better off emotionally and physically when his children pretend he does not exist than he is when they speak to him and guilt him over their horrible life, (yeah sure it was, poor kids didn't get chance to do or buy anything for themselves), and guilting him about leaving their poor mother who cried all the time. Apparently after he left he deposited his first three months wages into her bank account and there was no mention of the tears then, only when the wages stopped did the tear start so the story is told 
But whatever, they are his kids and this is a sad situation, sad, but definately the only way for me and my mental, physical and emotinal health are important for and to me, and to my children and grandchildren. Guess what has happened her is - I couldn't bet 'em so I joined them, I too am looking after no: 1. It's pretty good too.
Yes in a perfect world our
Yes in a perfect world our stepchildren would love their fathers enough to put aside their jealousies and accept his wife, alas, the world is far from perfect as evidenced by your SK lack of seeing your glittering personality and falling in love with you
How funny, I too thought in time DHs kids would see me for what I am and not what they perceived me to be. Oh well, too bad, so sad. Disengaging for me was the last step and it took me a very long time to take that step, I wanted to take it the first day I met SD, but I absolutely did not, I gave it years, and I thought about it for years, so when the time finally came I have no regrets, well maybe one, I did not do it sooner. But I do think it puts a strain on the marriage, time will tell whether the marriage will or will not survive the disengaging, but sometimes there truly is no other option and whatever the consequencess are, they are. Personally things here seem to be settling down very well since there has been no contact since before Christmas, now as sad as that is, the cold hard truth is my husband is far better off emotionally and physically when his children pretend he does not exist than he is when they speak to him and guilt him over their horrible life, (yeah sure it was, poor kids didn't get chance to do or buy anything for themselves), and guilting him about leaving their poor mother who cried all the time. Apparently after he left he deposited his first three months wages into her bank account and there was no mention of the tears then, only when the wages stopped did the tear start so the story is told 
But whatever, they are his kids and this is a sad situation, sad, but definately the only way for me and my mental, physical and emotinal health are important for and to me, and to my children and grandchildren. Guess what has happened her is - I couldn't bet 'em so I joined them, I too am looking after no: 1. It's pretty good too.
double post
double post
Everyone, TY! This is
Everyone, TY! This is exactly how I do feel about the whole scenerio. This is an eye opener to my husband who says he is ready to just wipe her off the earth. I can related as I am a step daughter but my step mom should get saint hood for putting up with my father all the years she did! I never believed it would be one big happy family. I knew how hard this would be and knew that the SD would find any reason to have a fight, as she does with everyone. She has lost and she is well aware of her father and how he is. The youngest will play peacemaker or try to and of coarse be burned by her sister once again! The world doesn't realise but you can say goodbye to a relative and have happiness.
I am SO lucky. The older SS
I am SO lucky. The older SS - sociopath(for real) prison gang member and DH have not seen each other in more than 10 years. He is also terminally ill. Refuses to see his father. So fortunately I do not have to deal with him at all.
Second SS homeless drunk HATES second wife (SM during his youth) with a passion. I mean really hates. DH says he thinks the world of me (third). Yeah sure. He just hasn't decided to hate me YET. He still thinks I might come thru with some bucks for him. Wrong.
Second is a horrible, horrible person (even her family members think so) but I almost feel sorry for her with those two that she had to deal with for more than a decade.