Can anyone tell me what my rights are?
Forums:
I have searched this stinking internet for weeks now and have found very little as to what my rights and responsiblities are as a step parent. Am I responsiblible for anything, aside from the well-being of the child while he is in my care? What rights do I have, both to the child (ie: can I talk to his doctors, teachers, etc.?), and in terms of dealing with his mother? I am from NJ, but any federal/state statutes would be helpful at this point. I would also like to know if my income can be taken into account for child support once we are married. Thanks for any advice you could give me.
as a step-parent???
I'm not sure I'm a good helper, but I was able to find the information, that suggests, that according to New Jersey Statutes (and most other states) that the amount of income of a current spouse is not considered in order to determine the amount of child support of an obligor. This was found at the bottom of page 13 at the following website: http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/csguide/ix-a.pdf. I found it on the New Jersey State website at http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/csguide/index.htm. Click on one appendix at a time and use the SEARCH function to search keywords, such as "step-parent," "current spouse" etc.
Hope it helps.
It's not easy info to find.
A lot of states do not have clear legislation on step-parents. I know that if you choose to adopt you become a "real" parent, but as a garden variety step, things will tend to vary depending on the judge, situation ect.
I am studying to be a legal assistant and I looked up common law in my state and didn't find much helpful info. Don't beat the kids (common sense of course) is mostly what I found. Don't give the kids drugs or sexually abuse them, not real helpful for a regular old SM who is just trying to nagigate the sometimes stormy waters of having skids to look out for.
As far as your income being factored, I asked on this one a while ago. The answer is that depending on the state it may not be legal to formally calculate your income into cs, but some judges will consider it anyway and raise Dad's contribution based on available funds in your household.
So far this has not happened to me so take heart.
As far as your rights a lot of that depends on what the Father decides and how much BM protests. You may not find hospitals or schools all that forthcoming based on my own experience.
Keep researching though. Family law is quite different from state to state. A good family law attorney can be quite helpful, although not cheap. If you're really determined to learn your legal rights, you might consider taking a paralegal class on family law. Some states will allow regular joes and janes to use the law library. You can learn a lot in a law library.
Good luck,
// Susanna
"One breath at a time is an acceptable plan."
Ani DiFranco
I can give you generic
I can give you generic information. I am a paralegal with a degree in law. I practice in Mississippi and state law vary greatly, so keep that in mind. Also, I can't give legal advise, just information.
Basically, for the most part step-parents don't have any rights. As a step-parent, you don't have any more rights to medical information, school records, etc...than does a neighbor, for example.
There is a "but" however...If your husband has legal custody (not necessarily "physical"...just legal), he can grant you certain rights. For example, he can list you on pick-up forms at school, he can give you limited power-of-attorney...things like that.
On a more practical note...I have been a step-mom for more than six years. I take my step-kids to the doctor, talk with the schools, pick them up at school, sign them up for sports....all the same things I do with my biological kids, and I have never in six years had anyone even question me about it.
As far as responsibilities, you have the responsibility to show "reasonable care" in providing for the safety and well-being of the kids. Just like you would if you were caring for anyone else's kids.
And finally, child support...In most states, your income can't technically be used to calculate your husband's child support obligation. However, I have seen cases where the second wife's income was considered to "significantly contribute to the household expenses". A good attorney should be able to help you avoid this possibility.
It's just sad...
That as a stepmom, you have no rights, no say in court whatsoever as far as the judicial system goes. If the husband has physical custody of the child, the STEPMOM is the one who cares for the child on a daily basis-especially when the husband works long hours. We kiss the boos boos, provide emotional support, and nurture that child as we would our own child, yet we are invisible. We KNOW how the child feels, what he fears, what he thinks, and what he wants. It makes us feel like a babysitter-except we don't get paid. If anything, we are put under a microscope and judged, criticized and crucified by the BM's lawyer and often harassed unmercifully by the BM. The "custody war" gets very ugly at times, and the phrase "best interest of the child" gets buried in a heap of mud slinging, lies and court filings. Even though we try our best to "shield" the child, the tension gets overwhelming.
I have been both amazed and disgusted at the number of lies and underhanded tactics that are written, testified to and sworn to GOD to be the truth in these filings and Court proceedings-and get away with it. Obviously, the TRUTH has no place in the courtroom, because I have YET to see, read or hear it from BM or her lawyer. The Judge apparently isn't interested in the truth, either, or she would ask ME to testify.