I never, never refer to myself as "step" anything for just this reason! I always say I'm so and so's PARENT--because I do parenting. I don't say mother or mom, just parent. The kids refer to me by my first name and if they are asked who I am to them they "This is Nancy, she is my parent".

sometimes they are surprised because they actually thought that you were the BM. Especially when you take them to the DR., attend conferences, reply to school concerns., and my favorite--pick up from school when ill.

I would often get the confused look when doing anything with the girls. They both look more like me than they do either of their parents, not sure how that happened, just a freak accident, I guess. But we had that mother/daughter thing going, so people were often surprised to discover that I'm their stepmother, rather than mother. Until they'd hear the girls call me by name, people just assumed I was their mother. I took that as a compliment, but even so, you get sick of making explanations. I guess it just comes with the territory.

But the other side is equally frustrating, because we've hit upon doctors and teachers who wouldn't discuss the kids with their FATHER, let alone with a mere stepmother, just because he didn't have primary custody.

People are like used cars... some are lemons. So next time you come across another lemon, squeeze it!

~ Anne ~

I tried to make a doctor's appointment for my SS and was told by the office staff that only a biological parent can bring in child for appointment. But no one seemed to mind (doctors, nurses, etc...) when I was the one who had to rush child to emergency room for throwing up blood when BM gave child too much medication and couldn't read presription.

I am the Bio mom to 2 sweet girls. However my ex is the one with residential custody and I lived out of the area for awhile when my kids first started school. I have a great relationship with both my ex and his wife, the Step mom to my girls. She always includes me in mother daughter stuff, and I do have regular visits. But living and working almost an hour away I rarely went to the school for anything. The step mom is a stay at home mom and was always right there for school pick ups.

Since my ex and his wife have 5 kids and they have all went through the same school, everyone at the school knows them and looks at them as "The Parents". Now all you step parents that get that oh.... will get a giggle out of this....try being the bio parent and being asked how you are related to the child by the child's teach on open house night and getting the OHHHH!!

To have someone understand that my girls live with their father because it was a choice we made together for the best interest of the girls really means a lot. My ex and I never had to deal with court battles over anything, from custody to child support. We did what was best for the kids from the start of our divorce. And being able to remain friends and raise our children to love and respect the other parent has given us many rewards.

I will admit that it was not always easy for me personally. Sure there where times I wanted to be selfish and just wanted to say they are mine and I am keeping them, but I love them so much and I wanted them to have the best child hood they could. I was a child of divorce and I was tossed from one parent to the other to the grandparents, I went to 13 different schools, and lived in every state between KY and FL. I didn't want my kids to grow up like that. It is hard when I tell someone that the girls live with their father, they automatically assume I must be a bad mother to have "lost" my kids. They automatically judge me and label me as bad, without ever learning that I did not "loose" them, I sacrificed so they would have the best life possible. And if the day came where I did not have to work, and I could afford to live in the same town with them we have it set in the custody papers that we would share custody with a week on week off schedule.

There are many nights I still cry myself to sleep because I miss them so much. And going through this custody battle with my boy friend and his kids has brought up a lot of emotions as the courts want to know why I don't have my own kids. And trust me his ex is using that as much as she can.

I just wanted to say thank you again for not automatically assuming I was somehow a bad mom. Your kind words meant a great deal.
Robin

I am right with you on the teen son and wanting to strangle them at times. My oldest child, my son, has been with me full time always. His father lives in another state and only sees him during the summer. My son turned 18 last july. It was rough raising a son so far from his father. And the men in my life unfortunately where not the best influences. Took me a while to find my own path and deal with my own childhood issues and learn how to have a positive and loving relationship. But my son is my best friend and my biggest headache at times. We have been through so much together and we both made it through. This past year he really helped me realize that even with my fears of messing up with him, I managed to do a pretty good job. He turned out to be a wonderful young man, never in any kind of trouble, a member of the national honor society, and got a great scholarship to the college of his choice.

It made me really look at the things I did to protect all my children. My girls are both blessed with a great group of friends, they participate in many activities and are very active in their church youth group. The friends they have are girls they have grown up with, went to sunday school with, play soccer with. The kind of life long friend that you never forget. They can tell you the names of all their teachers from kindergarten to present. It is the life I always wanted and the life I knew I would make sure they had. My son had it a little rougher with us moving several times, my bad relationships that he had to live through with me. Things that the girls didn't see so much of.

Now my baby boy is getting set to head off to college, and I am having a lot of empty nest feelings. But I may become a full time step-mom if my BF gets custody of his oldest son, he is 10. My daughter gets along well with him when the other kids are not around to fight and carry on. I have a great relationship with my BF son, and he has been begging us to please let him come stay. But it is up to the judge to make that decision. My youngest bio-daughter has also been asking for the last 2 years to come live with me, but now is more hesitant due to the other kids being here on and off. The first year she asked to live with me her father wasn't prepared to let go and it kind of hit him hard so we decided to let her finish the school year and spend the summer with me which went pretty good. But as school got closer we realized she was not able to decided if she wanted to stay and start school. It meant changing schools and making new friends, and I could tell she wasn't ready to make that kind of decision. So we decided it would be best to let her stay in her school and close to her friends and she is able to come and visit more when she is off school or has long weekends. I am concerned about how she will react if my BF kids come to live with us, be it one or all of them. I do worry that she will take it as they come first before her which of course is not the case. With all that has been going on I have been a bit more wrapped up in the things with his kids, but only because I know my kids are safe and well taken care of and his are in a bad spot right now. I love them all very much, mine and his.

Well I have gone off on a babble and it is late. Better get some rest. Will check back in tomorrow.