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Bio mom had it worded in court docs that NO third party can interfere with the decision making or upbringing of the three child

Samantha_Ryan's picture

ndc's picture

What was she trying to get at?  A stepmother or something else?  Seems like it would be hard to prove or enforce, especially if it was aimed at dad's wife or girlfriend or mother, since as long as he's on board, it's not really interference if someone else is making suggestions that he goes along with.  If she was trying to prevent a therapist, judge, GAL, or whatever from interfering, good luck to her.  That seems silly to me.

Samantha_Ryan's picture

When she wants to involve me in something (usually it involves me doing something for her) I simply tell her I'm a third party and cant get involved. That's when she gets irate and calls my spouses mother or sister and tries to get them to side with her. We have come across some issues when they help her and they say we are being childish. She doesnt want me involved but it seems like this "third party" thing only pertains to me and not any other person.

Samantha_Ryan's picture

My spouse and I have lived together for 2 plus years. He and I are raising my 2 children and his 3 children. He makes decisions about education, medical, and upbringing of my 2 children. The ex wife feels I'm interfering with their childrens upbringing and had it worded in court documents that NO third party can interfere  with the upbringing of her children or make decisions about their wellbeing. The judge did sign off of this document but our lawyer says she can't prove if I had made a decision or interfered with any particular issue. My spouse and I talk about everything and 100% of the time any decision we make... we make together for the best interest of all 5 children. He allows me to sign school papers, review medical records and call to make appts. I feed, clothe, and care of the three children like I do my own 2. The problem is that the children have openly admitted to eavesdropping on our conversations while we step outside or into another room and they go back and tell their bio mom what my part in the decision making process was. My spouse says they are just being kids and all kids eavesdrop from time to time. He says they are being questioned by their mom after drop off and they are only telling her what she wants to hear bc if not they pay the price. Bio mom has a boyfriend and kids say he makes decisions for them and disciples them when needed. Bio mom allows her family and friends take the children to the doctor and pick up and drop off to school. When we confront her about the third parties she has involved in the children upbringing she denies everything and says the children are being dishonest but she says the children dont lie to her about my influence on the children. Is my spouse right? Should I take this personally?

tog redux's picture

Well, of course it's directed at you - but keep doing what you are doing. Behind closed doors, help him make decisions, but if BM asks you directly to get involved, say what you've been saying - "Sorry, per the CO, I'm not allowed to be involved."

And yes, the kids are playing both sides against the middle as kids in high conflict divorces do.

Wittzend's picture

This is exactly what I'm going threw with my BM. Only different is I don't have any children. But we talk bout stuff with the SKids. I do hold the insurance for the kids but BM has not put any of my info on any paperwork. So when I call to get some info I can't cause my name isn't on there. BM doesn't think I am responsible enough to take the kids to the doctor cause there is alot of info the drs are giving..Im pretty sure I'm old enough to take and ask the right questions. I'm a damn adult. But her boyfriend is able to do these things, cause he has kids himself. So cause I don't have kids of my own I have no idea what to do. She doesn't want the kids alone with me but we are suppose to be ok with them being alone with him. My 12yro SD likes to listen in adult conversation and go tell mom. Always bad stuff not the good stuff I do for them. Yes kids are doing things to make mom happy but I'm starting to disconnect from the kids and now my husband. I ain't going to lie I have started to take it personally..but im starting to learn to flip a switch and let it not bother me. 

Survivingstephell's picture

This is the most controlling thing I've seen in awhile.   Your reason for any thing you do in your house is that these are the choices you make your YOUR kids as they live with you.  BM does not get to dictate how you raise your kids in your home.  Tell her to F off and worry about her own kids and leave yours alone   

 

simifan's picture

ExH considered a third party clause due to Step-Dad's bat-shit craziness. SDad threw a temper tantrum on the lawn so bad the neighbors called the cops. For a while, SDad refused to let ExH talk to BM. SDad did all exchanges unless at school. It was bad. 

Rags's picture

You are playing this perfectly. She wants to control everyone and everything around the Skids and boxed herself in.  

First, regardless of what she was able to get into the CO,she nor the CO get any say in how you and your partner parent in your home.  You parenting children in your home is not interference in her parenting or "the" parenting of her three polluted gene pool spawn.

You are doing it just right by leading her around by her porcine nose ring and rubbing her nose in her toxic crap.

Sadly your SO's family are indoctrinated as her beck and call minions.  You are not the problem in all of this. BM is and they are.  Rub their noses in it and have fun doing it.