False Accusations
Bio mom has made false accusations to DHR on multiple occasions now. I think we have had 6-7 false reports made. DHR has always done their investigation and always closed the case with reports of NO ABUSE FOUND. Bio mom went as far as having her 6 yr old daughter admitted to Children's Hospital for a rape kit. She then took us to court because the doctors told her they didn't find any proof to support her claims. On the day of court she then dropped all charges. The child admits to making a false statement in the presence of Bio mom and DHR. She has shown no remorse for her part in the whole thing. Bio mom tells children to misbehave while with me because I cant disciple them. They have stolen things from my car, the oldest kid has taken my makeup and destroyed them. I have had clothes ruined. I have had phone chargers broken and my favorite coffee mug I received for Christmas broken and another just thrown n the garbage... it wasn't found in the kitchen garbage but the garbage can in my garage. They deny having anything to do with these situations in the moment but later (days or weeks later) admit to doing it and me not being able to do anything about it. They admitted to doing anything their bio mom asks them too and they dont care if it means not listening at our house. HELP!!!
This is a parental alienation
This is a parental alienation situation and I would suggest that you should never be alone with his kids. They've shown they are willing to make false allegations to please BM and it could result in you losing custody of your own kids. Keep your guard up if he's going to continue to see them in your home. Does he address this with them and with BM? Has he tried to go back to court to address BM's alienation and emotional abuse of the kids? Getting a kid to make a false allegation and then putting her through a rape kit is severely emotionally abusive.
We were completely mindblown
We were completely mindblown when we found out about the rape kit. Bio Dad called children's hospital but they wouldn't give him any information because the accusations were against me and seeing that he and I live together it was their belief that in the best interest of the children he also shouldn't know any of the details. I have always feared that her accusations would one day cause me to lose my own children and although we are always in court her lawyer always seems to get her to settle out of court with some stupid agreement that works for only a few days. She is the true definition of a narcissist and we can't get anyone to see it. Everything I see and read about narcissist mothers and narcissists abuse affects on children is to a tee her and my step children. Dad agrees with me and we finally got the children in therapy. That was a mess. Bio mom went in playing the charm card as usual and the doctor immediately jumped down our backs. we have received 3 threatening phone calls from the therapist stating we have to do what she says... btw we aren't her patient my step son is. We also recently took my step son to the therapist and she kicked us out of her office because after she demanded my spouse to follow her orders he politely declined and disagreed with her view on a situation. She told us to not step foot back in her office if we were going to be immature and disrespectful. We told her she was fired and she told my step son she would see him next week while he was back with his Bio mom. My spouse tried talking to Bio mom about what took place and she had no response other than saying she liked the therapist and she doesnt have a problem with her. We expressed concerns to the therapist about my 7 yr old step daughter wetting the bed and occasionally at school and on the bus. She dismissed our concerns and said there was nothing to worry about. (Mind you, this is the same 7 yr old who went thru a rape kit at 6 yrs old). We have tried to get the children a new therapist but the court says Bio Dad and Bio Mom have joint custody so one can't change doctors without the others complete cooperation. I'm pulling my hair out and I'm not sure if I can continue living under this sort of pressure. Its becoming easier to convince myself that maybe this fight isnt worth it.
This is probably NOT worth it
This is probably NOT worth it. At the very least, please live separately and only see him when his kids aren't around. It's not worth your sanity, and it's not going to change. In fact, what will likely happen is that one by one, each kid will start refusing to speak to your DH or come for visits once they are old enough to feel powerful and able to do that.
I'm sorry, this stuff will suck the life out of you. We lived with a less severe version of it,and the only reason I stayed was because DH stopped fighting in court and did not push back when my SS stopped coming over at 15. I would have left if it continued. You really have to put your kids and your own sanity first.
I respect my spouse for
I respect my spouse for fighting for his children. He knows the Bio mom isnt mentally stable and without him the kids will probably end up on the wrong side of the law, living off of food stamps and Medicaid. He wont give up on his kids and he wont hand them over to her. The more we try to talk to the kids and ease their minds and hearts they seems to understand until they go back to Bio Moms and everything we say goes out the window. How can someone have so much power over their children? My step kids are now 7,10,and 12. They are old enough to know right from wrong but they find it easier to do wrong and they are completely ok with settling for the least in life then working and making something of themselves. We have told them before that one day they will date and we wont always approval of who they bring home but we have to respect their choice to an extent... they need to do the same for their Bio Dad. If they wont act this way to their mom's spouse why should we accept them doing it to us. They just sit and stare at us like I'm Satan. My spouse sees this and he always comes to my rescue but he always seems to have to pick sides and it hurts him emotionally. Not to mention how it hurts his relationship with his kids and my relationship with him.
They will eventually stop
They will eventually stop coming over no matter what DH does. For the older one, within the next 2 years, and likely each one after him/her, when they reach that age.
Sometimes you have to put yourself first and all the fighting in court isn't good for them either.
In your situation, with a
In your situation, with a husband who will not give up on his kids (which I understand) but cannot get them to behave or stop accusing you, and cannot protect you from his ex-wife, I would move out with my kids and live separately when the skids are with him. What's the custody schedule? There's too much risk to you in this situation, both with the false accusations and just the mental strain. Your husband is not protecting you from his baggage, so you've got to protect yourself and your children.
The orginal court agreement
The orginal court agreement after their divorce was one week on, one week off and that continued for 2 years. Then when she stopped showing up for drop offs he went for full custody. Bio Dad received physical custody and Bio Mom received every other weekend and one day a week every other week and that went on for 5 years. When I came into the picture she made herself known again and after a false accusation about him drunk driving with the kids kn the car... (they were home with me) her police statement says she was there and witnessed her children in the car with him at the time but when we asked her why she allowed the children to remain in the vehicle with said "drunk driver" she had nothing to say but it wasn't her week for visitation and taking the children would be in violation of the court order... bullshit woman! My spouse wanted the drama to stop and settled with one week on, and one week off again. The drama still hasn't stopped and Bio Mom feels she is in complete control again. She tells everyone she took the kids in court and we lost the case but we never went in front of the judge. She wanted to put the three kids on stand to choose between their mother and father and Bio Dad wasn't going to put his kids in a position to choose. Because he wouldn't allow the kids to take stand (not because they would say something to hurt him legally but because no child should have to choose who they love and defend) the Bio Mom swears we were simply afraid of what the children would say. The way this woman thinks is completely not normal and to for her to think putting her children thru something like that makes her a loving, caring, devoted mother is inaccurate. The children never miss a day of school while in our care. We complete all homework the day its assigned. When we drop the kids off on Friday nights and were alone in the car... we jokingly talk about what days they will miss school while in Bio Mom's care. Last week the kids missed 3 days of school. Her week prior 4 days. And in November and December of last year she had one kids tested for Covid which resulted in all 3 kids missing school until results came back. And another time she had two kids tested for Covid and went to a second doctor for another test because she didn't like the negative results the doctor gave her. When the children return to us this evening we will have a weeks worth of missed assignments to make up from last week plus the normal amount of homework we would usually have next week. She sees nothing wrong with this and says as long as they have doctors excuses their absence from school is not a problem. The school agrees with Bio Mom bc after 27 days missed of school the truancy officer still wont get involved.
For the sake of your privacy,
For the sake of your privacy, if you are using your real first and last name, you should delete this account and start over with a different screen name. Also, do not use a real picture of you and your kids. With the kind of BM that you have, you don't want her finding you on this site.
I think you should give serious consideration to living apart from your DH. To protect your own children, if not yourself - because sooner or later they are going to be acused of doing something wong.
Thank u that was an oversight
Thank u that was an oversight.
These spawn and pawns of the
These spawn and pawns of the demon BM have no business entering your home. Ever.
Purge them permanently.
Your DH exposes you to huge legal, emotional, and safety risks by allowing them in the home he shares with his wife.
Really!?!?!?!
My step children are not awful people . They are young, immature, and easily influenced by their Bio Mom as all children are. The children so desperately seek attention and acceptance from their mother they will do and say anything she asks them to. As much as I try to be the mother they really need, their Bio Mom will always be the only mother they want to have. They come from her body not mine and even I understand that. I am completely baffled that someone would even suggest that I purge the children. Their mother yes absolutely I would purge her 1000x over and over again but it has never and would never cross my kind to hurt the children. I'm trying to show them what a real mothers love looks and feels like... I would be no better than the person she is if I were to hurt these kids. They have done awful things to me and at times (most times) cause pain and heartache to my relationship with my spouse but by no means does harming the children fix the issue. I welcome your advice but I would hope you have something more to say that would actually benefit my situation not make it worse.
You are not hurting the
You are not hurting the kids by keeping them out of your home and marriage. You are protecting yourself and your marriage.
Their father, and you, can meet them outside of the home and give them clarity that lies and listening to their mother's crap will keep them out of your home until they knock it off. Giving kids clarity, calling them on poor choices, and holding them accountable for their choices, while giving them the complete facts about their toxic manipulative mother is not harming these kids. It is the only chance they have of being able to protect themselves from their toxic mother.
Hugging them through it rarely works. Giving them the facts and holding them accountable for their own choices, regardless of the influences of a toxic manipulative parent, is responsibly supporting these kids and doing what is possible to protect them from their toxic BM.
My own SS was cursed with a shallow and polluted half of his gene pool. The SpermClan manipulated and did everything possible to demonize his mother to my SS. We stuck with the facts and we tolerated no crap from them or from the Skid. He is a great man, a viable self supporting adult, and successful in his career and community. He has put the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool in his rear view mirror.
It works.
Good luck.
It certainly sounds like BM
It certainly sounds like BM will do anything to step-PAS her children against you. Your DH should not be surprised if BM successfully PAS's the skids against him, too.
You said yourself..."The children so desperately seek attention and acceptance from their mother they will do and say anything she asks them to."
Hon, they do not want YOU to show them what a real mother's love looks and feels like. They want it from THEIR mother and will do whatever she wants in a futile attempt to gain her 'love', non-existent as it might be.
You may find Rags' words harsh, but the reality is that you and your children are not safe in this situation. Do you realize that you could LOSE your children?
Your first priority is to YOUR children; not your DH's. The skids are DH's and BM's priority. You need to keep yours safe and that means NEVER being alone with the skids.
I suggest you read Cheryl Mefferd's story.
https://parentalalienationspeaks.com/author/parentalalienationspeaks/