Ex Step Parent & Custody

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I'm not sure where this subject would go so I made a new one.

Ok so BM just recently divorced her dude, she moved an hour away but kept SS in his elementary school, hes going to be in 5th grade so they didn't want to take him out of his school or away from his friends, understandable. BUT SS stated during his visit with us right now that he hasn't moved out of Ex Step dads house which now the new GF is living there with his 2 new step kids ( it's a mess i know ) so he's not currently living with mom. Is this technically against acourt orders seeing as hes supposed to be living with mom??

Of course it's against court

Of course it's against court orders. The kid has been left with an unrelated person who is not one of his parents. This child has been abandoned by his mother.

OUCH

That sounds so harsh but honestly, its so true. I was speaking with my husband about the reality of the sitiuation and when I stated it sounds like its technically against court orders, a light bulb went off. I did forget to mention in the post that SS lives 3K miles away so right of refusal is unfortunately out of the question. But even then, if she can't figure it out without sending him to his ex steo fathers, then SS needs to live here.

Yep.

Way to go BM

Dont worry, she will come up with some bs story to get away with it.

Like, she didnt know she HAD to ask for permission for over night sleep overs at x step parents house. OR "uhh mmmmm, I was only doing what kid wanted me to....

Stuff like that.

ANNOYING

oh she definitely would, that actually sounds like something she would say. She plays dumb A LOT.

I don't know if it is against

I don't know if it is against the CO.. and it may not be "abandonment" either.

Now, if the CO has a ROFR (right of first refusal).. then it is possible that it is a violation because if SS is not with his mom.. his dad should have the first option of custody time with him. Barring that, it may not be against a CO.. but it generally sucks that a parent wouldn't offer the other parent more time if they didn't or couldn't exercise the time they had.. due to work or other reasons.

It wouldn't necessarily be abandonment.. I mean, when I was in HS... it wasn not unusual for a kid to stay behind to finish a year in school.. stay with a friend's parents etc.. so.. just allowing the boy to remain with her EX.. that in itself doesn't mean she has abandoned him.. but it sounds like they are trying to somewhat game the system so the child can remain in a school system that he wouldn't otherwise be able to attend.

I don't know if there is any level of concern over her Ex's home.. is it a safe environment.. is the man and his family generally trustworthy.. but even if there is no risk there.. the boy's father should have a right to request that he take custody of the boy if his mother is unable to at the present time. He may have to get the courts involved to have his order changed in order to do so though... unless BM and her ex readilly agree to hand the kid over.

Continuing the discussion

I agree with your reply. Only issue is SS lives 3K miles away so right of refusal is out of the question unfortunately. But i do agree, if she can't be a full time mom then he should come here...

Usually the court expects if

Usually the court expects if the children are not with one bio parent they should be with the other. Some COs specifically state that the other parent has to be given first choice before you can leave the child with someone else. Exceptions would be if both parents agreed that the child should stay with a 3rd party, or if the other bio parent was deemed unfit they might approve the child being placed with another relative. I cannot see them approving the situation you have described. Read your court order to check what it specifies. Please note, the court will not do anything unless they are made aware that BM dumped the kid on her ex. You'll have to file a complaint. If there is a substantial change in one parent's circumstances or the child's situation the CO should be updated and modified anyway.

agree

I replied to anopther user stating that my SS lives 3K away, not sure if you'll get a notification of other replies so I just wanted to state that. My husband and her did not agree on SS staying wth ex step father. hes uneasy about it because ex step father was very toxic, and now that mother isn't around while SS is with him who knows whats going on. But SS states he would love to smash ex's phone because he told mother he no longer loved her and met someone new online.... So I can't imagine things have gotten better,

Thank you for the update. You

Thank you for the update. You are exactly correct, if BM can't take ss he should be with his dad. Even if that means moving 3k miles away. If she doesn't want that she needs to go get her kid. No step or exstep, regardless of if they are toxic or a saint, should trump your DHs right to his kid.

EXACTLY

You'd think this was common sense but unfortunately it's not. Hopefully things get better. Although, we dropped SS off at the airport & he begged to not go on the plane.

Its 5th grade, not 12th. What

Its 5th grade, not 12th. What is the big deal changing schools?

School

YUP!! At this point he doesn't care, he wants to live with dad. She on the other hand makes it seem like the end of the world.

Just a minute ...

"hes going to be in 5th grade so they didn't want to take him out of his school or away from his friends"

So, in other words she's leaving her son with an unrelated person who has no legal rights nor powers for the duration of the school year?! Or worse, for the next seven or eight years? WTF!

If she didn't want him to change schools she should not have moved away! You don't get to just dump your child on the first available adult while you go waltzing off into the sunset. Especially not when there is another parent who can take their child.

What is your husband going to do about this? How old is his son? Is he still paying CS to BM?

Speaking truth.

I couldn't agree more. It doesn't matter that we live 3K away, if she can't be with her son, he needs to be here end of story. & on top of it , he begs to not leave when he is with us. Their son is 10 yrs old & yes my husband pays child support. For now, she said she would talk to SS about moving out here, I'm gonna go ahead she's just saying that to try make it seem like she's considering it but I know in my heart of hearts, she won't agree to it. My husband had told her on the phone he would speak with his attorney about it.

Is he paying CS to her??? She

Is he paying CS to her??? She truly left her KID with some non-related dude??? She sounds like a real piece of work. Your DH needs to file a motion ASAP and get his kid.

LMAO

Yes he's paying CS & I agree. She's a whole mess who only likes control. My husband is going to let his son speak to his mother about the moving situation, if things don't change then he will take it to court like he warned her he would.

Do not put that conversation on the kid to have.

That is an adult conversation and DH needs to be the one to have it with BM.

While I do

While I do agree to it being an adult conversation , this is her way of making this linger longer.. I also thinks she wants to know why he wants to live with us. But the fact that he begged us to miss his flight while we were at the airport says enough. She needs to put her pride aside & do what their son wants.

A question.

What quality parent abdicates their position and responsibility as a parent and subserviates them self and their position as the parent to what their minor child wants?

Only a shitty one IMHO.

What the kid wants is irrelevent.

My answer would be a resounding ... No! If my kid attempted to go live with the other parent as a minor. The kid can move in with the other parent when they turn 18. Until then, the visitation schedule will be enforced. Judges award custody for a reason. Though family law Judges certainly are not resounding examples of making consistently good decisions.

Since BM abandoned her kid to her X who is not related to the kid, if I were your DH I would already have my kid, I would have nailed BM for child abandonment, and I would be raising my kid in my family.

Yep, against court orders.

Yep, against court orders. Bring the pain, come down on BM like a ton of shit in a one pound bag. Get it to court, go for blood.

Have fun.

HAHA

I love this comment. I've stated above in other replies that he warned her he would take it to court. So the ball is in her court now..

Agreed.

She had stated she will speak with SS when he gets home from his visit with us & talk about the move.. not sure what will make her say no.. the poor kid begged us to miss his plane because he doesn't want to go to her.. he wants to live here & if that's what he wants then what is stopping that.. she selfish that's what. So we will see . My husband has warned her about taking this to court.