Wrong to ask SD for help while I am on bed rest?
I am at my wits end.. I posted before about my broken ankle and that is finally pretty much healed.. still have a little pain here and there but I am able to get around. Now I have been diagnosed with placenta previa (I'm 6 months pregnant) and put on partial bed rest meaning I don't have to physically lay in bed all day but I have to seriously limit any activity.. it's one thing after another!
Luckily I work from home so I don't have to worry about that but I have a 3 year old so I have no idea how this is going to work. She goes to daycare during the day while I work but I am still getting her up in the morning on my own, dropping her off, picking her up, playing, doing dinner, bath, and bed. My DH works shift work so he leaves before we get up and gets home late. There is no way for him to change his hours.
We don't have family or anyone who can help, and our insurance won't cover anything. I am out of options and asking SD for help is my absolute last resort. She decided a while ago she wanted to live with BM and we have not seen her much lately (lot of PAS going on). I don't even know if she would do it if I did ask. She's only 11 but she would be a big help with our 3 year old until DH gets home from work. I would have to come up with something else for when she goes back to school but it would work for the summer. What do you guys think?
If you think you have to pay
If you think you have to pay her, hire a teen from the local high school who is taking some child ed credit. You will get much more for your money, help out a kid, and you won't be inviting more skid drama into your life.
That's a good idea. I will
That's a good idea. I will look into that! I'm trying to get this taken care of now because if I end up on full bed rest or in the hospital the issue is going to be 100 times worse!
I agree.
I agree. If you are going to have to pay, pay someone who is actually going to look at it as a job. You will likely have to stay on top of your SD to get her to do anything and there will be drama. Just eliminate all of that.
Yes, pay a local teenager to
Yes, pay a local teenager to come over early in the am and help you out all day.
Thanks guys. I am definitely
Thanks guys. I am definitely going to look into finding a teenager. We don't have any helpful relatives, unfortunately. I only really need help in the evening because my daughter goes to daycare during the day while I am working. Ideally, I could find someone who could do drop offs and pick ups for me since I'm not really supposed to do that, but I don't trust people that much, especially teenagers - but evenings would be fine since I will be home with them.
I have found excellent help
I have found excellent help from care.com in the past when we needed sitters. Good luck!
I agree with the others that it would be better to pay a high schooler or college student than trust SD to be available and willing to help. I was on modified bedrest with DD. DS was only 18 months old and 30 lbs. I was helpless and my ex was always gone with the military. My grandma and mom rotated one week each on and off. They would even book flights so as one was leaving the other one was coming and they would just grab my car from the parking garage (they each had a key for this!). I never had to be alone with DS for more than an hour or 2. I don't know what I would have done without them. I was is Washington state, most of my family is in VA and my grandparents were in Arkansas!
That is amazing that you had
That is amazing that you had that family support! I am praying this doesn't go any further than partial bed rest because I don't know what I will do. DH would probably have to take a leave from work but it would be unpaid so that would be the last resort. I will check out care.com as well. Thank you!
Try local churches, too
They may know someone, either a teen or a retiree, who is trustworthy and able to help.
My church keeps a "Babysitter
My church keeps a "Babysitter list". You just have to call the church office and ask.
This is a great idea, I didn
This is a great idea, I didn't think about church. Thanks!
Another place to look is nextdoor.com
A place you might try to find someone is nextdoor.com. It is a message board type site that is limited to neighborhoods. Everyone that signs up has to verify their address. You can post a request asking for recommendations and/or help. Lots of people seem to make connections when looking for babysitters/mother's helpers.
Never heard of this one,
Never heard of this one, thank you for the tip!
As I had mentioned on your
As I had mentioned on your last post.. you really need to see if you can find a local "mother's helper/sitter" to help you out. I don't think that there is anything good that would come from you asking an 11 yo step child to help you. I mean, it's one thing for your DH to expect that his child do chores at home.. but entirely different if BM sees it as a Cinderella situation. Poor stepdaughter worked like a dog by evil stepmom.
11 is a bit young anyway. Better would be finding someone who is old enough to even maybe drive your 3yo to daycare.. or do other errands for you.
Yes, I am looking into that
Yes, I am looking into that at the moment. I know what you mean. I was thinking more just of her being able to entertain/play with our 3 year old. I wasn't going to put her to work around the house or anything - that can wait until DH gets home. But I'm sure someone will see it as wrong!