Will I be a crazy mom to our ours baby?
Interesting conclusion just came out in counseling today. It's always been a thought, but more worrisome since last week when I was doubting our ability to parent together and almost left to think about things.
Anyway, the issue was that if we were to have an ours baby, the concern is would I snap at the kids if they weren't behaving around the baby? Would I shelter them from the baby so he/she didn't pick up their dirty little habits and manners etc. At that point I might want to put a gun to my head more than now. Lol
I understand that with my son and his 2 daughters, adding another is a lot of kids and there's only so much you can control, but I would want things to turn out differently for this kid and I'm definitely not an idiot parent like their parents are. Maybe only in the sense that I come on too strong/parent too much?
Have any of you felt like you were going to screw up your skids with an ours baby like with the above treatment but you actually didn't and it turned out totally okay? Or badly?
We're just talking about a baby in counseling now and I'm developing my point on this more but I'm not ready to start trying for one yet. Or ever if i don't feel we parent well together.
It's a big decision. I have a
It's a big decision. I have a 10yr old daughter he had 2 brats sd10 ss8. We have an 11 month old together.
My worry was that his children would harm the baby because they are emotionally unstable and due to psycho BM.
Infact us creating this family unit has helped them to feel more secure. I've had a few complaints about their behaviour but on the whole it has improved our situation by giving everybody something to focus on.
I dont like the skids. If they were never here again I wouldn't lament the loss. I think my oh has played a heavy part in screwing them up as well as the BM.
I was worried that if our baby was anything like those two, I simply wouldn't love it.
But now he's here, he's my baby I love him and know that I can give him a strong parent figure to steer him away from any negative behaviour he may pick up from the skids.
When the time is right for you and you want to have your own baby together then just trust your own abilities as a parent and go for it.
I can relate to this, the
I can relate to this, the girls are also a bit emotionally unstable because of BM and our therapist suggested that if a baby were brought in that they might feel more grounded and secure here like a real family (paraphrasing) and their behavior may improve because their focus would shift. Sd11 is adopted by DH cuz she slept with someone else while they took a break, and she knows it now and feels like an outsider cuz she looks different (DH and sd8 =redheads) and sd8 is attached to dad, cries sometimes because she's scared of things she sees on the news and people she sees, she has to have long talks every once in a while when these emotions build up but she is attached to her dad and no one else can really stack up, not even mom lol.
The one to worry about would be my ds7He really wants a brother and talks about it as if it's happening for some reason. But he's the only one with a different last name and if it were a girl he would be pissed. I think he thinks of home at his dads for some reason even though I have primary custody and if he were to feel like an outsider it could drive him closer to his dad? Only child over there.
Not sure how it all works with kids
they are such a mystery!
Nothing is for sure happening yet. We are working on being better communicators.
Exactly my question. Adding
Exactly my question. Adding a baby to a already bad situation isn't going to make things better that I can guarantee you.
Right now we're confronting
Right now we're confronting the feeling in counseling together. It's not something that's definitely happening at this point, we're working on communicating better before making huge decisions and that just came out when the therapist asked relavent questions.
I'd like to work toward it not being as difficult and if DH will step up and be more affected by the stuff they do throughout the day then it would be possible. But right now he "just doesn't think this and that deserves to be addressed"
Nothing will happen until things improve, trust me I couldn't handle it nor do I want to risk another divorced back and forth situation bound to this man for 18 years.
Having BD4 is the only thing
Having BD4 is the only thing that saved my marriage to DH (so far). I asked myself the same questions you're asking before I had BD. But, the truth is, I try to look at it like I want to raise BD in a good environment and learn from all the mistakes of SD11's upbringing. With the age gap, I try to keep the distance between them. I actually do shelter BD from SD's dirty habits but I try not to let SD know that so I don't make her feel bad. Also, I've learned to let DH be the parent to SD while I'm the primary parent to BD. Even thought, when we're together, we try to both parent BD. It's a fine line and there are lots of boundaries and walls that separate the half siblings. It's not ideal by a long shot but it can work. I still think my marriage would not have survived if I didn't have BD with DH. Having only skids with each other would have killed our marriage.
Wow do you think that at this
Wow do you think that at this point you are only staying together for BD4? Do you have a happy/stable marriage now or is it like BD was the only reason things are working?
That's interesting so it's like when sd is there, you are primary parent to bd. Do you think bd catches on to that/attaches on to you more than DH because the attention you give her is consistent?
The Opposite
I honestly feel like I'd do a much better job and that I'm learning from steplife what I want and don't want in my family dynamic. I really love SD but it's painful to watch the ways that BM is doing her wrong, and it's like I want to have a chance to do it on my own, my way, properly with my partner. He's a wonderful dad and if he had the ability to parent his kid in the same house with a partner that's on the same page (and not an idiot) I really believe that child would do well and SD could actually benefit from seeing that happen. I think steplife makes us crazy, and I think we tend to be more annoyed and frustrated with skids because we have no real authority. I can't see myself feeling the same way with my own kid that I do with SD. It's different when you know that they're an accidental agent for the other house and everything you do is scrutinized harder than if you were the BM.
Well everyone's parents screw
Well everyone's parents screw them up a little bit. But if you're having worries and doubts then I would continue to hold off until you have more confidence in your ability to bring a baby into this situation. Maybe the kids will calm down when they get a little older. Is age a factor for you or is this a decision you could put off and revisit in a few years?
Im lucky we have SD pretty rarely so I don't have to worry about her having much of an impact on my BD. As she gets older were going to have to explain why it's always a party or special occasion when SD is around but for now I'm confident she wont be very influenced by SD.