Since you're willing to give him the benefit of the doubt lets continue to do so. Assume that of course he gave her a 'heads up'. But why not - wouldn't it be the perfect way to get out of the situation? Like a little kid who got his phone taken away by the teacher he calls his pal from home and says "There is no use texting me Teach has my phone".

Furthermore lets assume he now does not want to re-establish or continue his old ways which did didn't like anyway. Many people are addicted to their electronic devices. My point being it wasn't that he wanted to text her but that he just can't ignore the ring. My wife has two phones at her side constantly and I swear if she were dieing and the phone rang she would answer with her death rattle. I routinely ignore callers and call them back when its more convenient for me and don't mind if they do the same.

So lets give it time and like you said Lord help him - not if he warned her but if he re-establishes.

But what is he doing for a cell phone now?

Sometimes brand new DH's have trouble establishing new processes and boundaries after they re-marry. They are often racked with a new level of guilt especially if they did the leaving and will then let themselves be manipulated by the BM's who know what buttons to push to get the guilt flowing. They'll also allow themselves to be cajoled thinking it's best for the kids or best to just be nice by all accords to avoid angering the ex's who can then start a whole court thing and make a big to do about every little thing so they 'go along to get along' so to speak. But this is not good because it usually causes issues in their new relationships which should be their priority and a partnership. I know this all too well as the BM used to carry-on in beginning as if I was just a blip on the radar and that my DH was still at her disposal for all kinds of things. Took a minute to reign that in but in time we did. This was before marriage. Wish I'd done more setting things right.

Anyway, yeah he probably gave her a heads up and that can be a good thing because now she knows that he's not willing to keep talking to her without your knowledge. So she can see where his head is about where they stand and where YOU stand as his new wife. Let's hope your issue is resolved now! That'll be one victory for us poor old SM's. Lol

I would consider this mildly cheating. Sorry but gotta be honest.

^^^^^ THIS.

If this woman is such a fat slob and there is nothing going on between them why did he "tip her off" and why is he continuing to have communication with her???

It seems to me that he is not so willing to give this up!

If you want to know what is REALLY being emailed/communicated between them don't say anything to your DH and download a stealth keylogger and you will find out the REAL story! How do you know he isn't deleting some emails?

Then you will know if he is really trying to break off communication with her or not.

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."~ Maya Angelou

Ah "changed his ways"... Not a chance... no one speaks to the ex THAT much and doesn't know it isn't healthy for their new marriage... and then just turns around and changes. Something is fishy here... I say RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. PERIOD. Lairs are liars are liars... they never change... once they are past age 10, if they still lie, they will always lie.... RUN.

He's having an emotional affair. It IS cheating.

I would leave.

You are newly weds and he is already treating you second class. What an asshole.

SHE is also trying to keep her spot in his heart because there is something emotional there.

Bad news OP. Nothing but bad news.

Emotional Affair definition

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair

"An "emotional affair" is an affair which excludes physical intimacy but includes emotional intimacy. It may begin innocently as a friendship. It may also be called an affair of the heart. Where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship, an emotional affair can be a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation. When the affair breaches an agreement in the monogamous relationship of one of the partners to the affair, the term infidelity may be more apt."

"An emotional affair can be defined as follows'

"A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse (or lover) that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage."[1]

In this view, neither sexual intercourse nor physical affection is necessary to impact the committed relationship(s) of those involved in the affair. It is held that an emotional affair can injure a committed relationship more than a one night stand or other casual sexual encounters.[citation needed]
Incidence and prevalence"

Oh, dear... OP, I'm so sorry you're in this place. I cannot imagine. Well, I kinda can. But I'll save that for another day...and that's the XH.

Take a look at what you know.

1. They communicate very frequently.
2. They were joking about him marrying you.
3. You called him out on it, he gave you free and full access (knowing otherwise would cause a problem.)
4. He hasn't stopped the contact with BM. He just chose another avenue hoping that you won't notice.
5. He let BM know you're pissed about the contact.

So, you could tell him you read the emails, he could tell you he'll stop, and then he'll get one you don't know about.

You cannot set boundaries for him. He has shown you that he will have daily contact with BM regardless of how you feel about it. The only thing left for him is to get sneaky about it...
You need to accept that HE will not change. He has shown you what is important to him.

What you need to do is decide whether YOU will accept this...or not. That is your choice.

This was my experience:

Before we got married I noticed that DH was getting A LOT of calls from BM and he would answer EVERY time she called even if we were on a date. I talked to DH the week of the wedding and let him know that I would not tolerate this behaviour. I said "I know me and this is not going to work if this continues". He agreed to end it except for things concerning SS. But that was easier said than done.

BM got very upset and even called and cussed DH out several times calling him a bad father, etc whenever he refused to answer her calls. We argued over this REPEATEDLY because he thought I was being ridiculous because they were not sleeping together. I explained to him about emotional affairs and that I would not tolerate it. He either ended this charade or I left!!! His choice.

He finally did MAN UP and told BM to call our house phone of the evening if she needed to talk to him and DO NOT call his cell phone unless SS was hospitilized.

He agreed to let me hear any messages that she leaves on his cell.

He agreed to not see her even to drop off SS unless I was with him.

I told him if I found out he was hiding things from me IT IS OVER!!! I will not tolerate a cheater! (of any kind)

I am not sharing my man with another woman NOT even the mother of his GOLDEN CHILD!

If he did not want me to contact my EX-lover (a hot Italian, ) do not go behind my back and have communication with your EX-lover.

He finally got the picture! LOL.

BM still calls and whines and cries to him about SS and this and that but sometimes he will try to change the subject if she starts rattling.

She calls at least once a month now instead of at least once a day! She does call our home phone to talk to him but she has left messages on his cell but he lets me listen to them.

Is this a perfect arrangement, NO not to me but we have came a long way!

SS will be 18 soon and then I am planning on helping DH make the final break from BM. Yes, it is a process but it definitely should be taking place.

IMHO, if your DH is not willing to give this emotional affair up than you might as well let him go. It will not get any better!