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What did i get myself into?

STARGIRL444's picture

After googling various topics I came accorss this site and thought it may be a good place to vent and get some opinions. 

I was on and off with my SO who has 4 kids. He has two with his first wife which are 14 & 18 and than he has two younger ones 9 & 10 with his ex girlfriend. During the whole time we dated I never met his kids, fast forward to end of last year when we became more serious, I met his oldest the 18year old. Fast forward to this year I ended up getting pregnant, we moved in together and that is when I met his youngest two. 

Now i do not have an issue with the kids, I have my own daughter (11) and it is not like I dont like kids. But I am really second guessing this whol situtation. I feel selfish for not wanting them to come over or his oldest living with us. I feel at first i was being supportive with a man i loved and his kids, but when it came down to finally meeting them and the situtation setting in, i feel in my heart it isnt for me. I do not want to live him and his son, I do not want to deal with his younger two coming over every other weekend, I do not want to create some fake brady bunch family that isn't in my heart. 

Like i said it is not like i dislike kids, I love kids, his kids have not caused any issues yet. I am just really feeling that this situation isnt for me. He is constantly pushing them to come over more, i know in the end he wants them to live with him and I dont want any of it. I feel so bad, but I am also tired of feeling bad for something I dont want. Hey i tried a situation and found out it wasnt for me.

 

Now the hard part is telling this person

InvisibleInGeorgia's picture

Being a step parent is extremely hard.  Sometimes I feel like you are expected to be like Mother Theresa.  At least you are self aware enough to realize this isn’t for you.  

sickofstephell's picture

I do not understand those on here who complain about having their skids eowe. That is nothing! I have all 5 of mine all the time! Consider yourself lucky.

Rags's picture

I only had one all of the time (Except for 7wks of SpermLand visitation a year) and that was plenty.  I am fortunate that my DW figured out what causes this problem and limited it to a single incident.

I feel for you.

The SpermIdiot sounds a lot like your DH. 4 Spawn by three different baby mamas. All out of wedlock. 

Rags's picture

No doubt. Even more pathetic, they then whine and cry about having to support them and get all wound up when their former breeding partners grow up, move on and smack them around with a CO.

SteppedOut's picture

If it's not for you, it's not for you. 

Move back out before you start to lose it. After you have the baby it will probably get worse. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

are not finding happiness or joy in this situation and in fairness  to him and his kids, you realize that you have no joy or happiness to bring to this situation.

You both deserve better or at least the opportunity to thrive rather than settle.

feliciastory's picture

What you are feeling is completely normal. Step parenting is hard. Really hard.

irishtwins1617's picture

I can sympathize with you, as I am so far out on the ledge of blended family craziness that I'm just getting through the days right now.  But, step life isn't really for me, either.  However, sometimes we have other factors in our lives that really influence what we feel we should do.  You have a child with this person (I believe I read you were pregnant??), and that child can be a contributor to what you ultimately decide.  

You aren't selfish for what you're feeling- it really is normal.  I think every other weekend or a similar schedule can be just as hard in its own right, because you never have a routine or chance to really bond.  However, it is also not a bad deal in the fact that you don't have to see them as much- so count your blessings, but also know we empathize at the same time.  

I hope if you continue to vent here, you realize that it really is therapeutic.  You can also find people in similar situations, or at least those that can provide good advice.  Brush off those that may be snarky, there's always a couple of those everywhere you go.   

If you really feel in your heart that you cannot do this, then don't.  I would walk away too, but my children are my biggest reason why I'm holding back.  Everyone in your situation deserves the best, including you!!  Just make sure you and your children are taken care of, and life will fall into place.  Kudos to you for trying to stay in step life!

Climbmountains91's picture

I can also sympathise with you on the fact that I'm questioning do I want to be in my situation and do I really want to be a step mum. I think the answer is no for me and I'm feeling cheesed off with myself for even getting into the whole situation now as they are part of the package just as my 6 year old daughter is. I mean I can up and leave but we share a daughter together so. I haven't even met his kids proply yet because BM is being a bit of a bitch basically. Ugh it's hard. 

Dizzyjell's picture

It isnt for you before you soend more time in this situation. After a lot of heartache and just pain, I've decided the same and am making steps to get out. Good luck to you and congrats on the babg