Visitation
Story goes my SD 5 loves her BD (as she does not know what he is actually like... Abusive, emotionally and physically) anyway its her dad and who am I to step in between them, I just have to protect my partner and if he becomes abusive to his daughter I will protect her too if need be.
Any way we keep making deals with him, he was seeing her every other weekend. He asked for more so we said every weekend he said no because he wants to go one one weekend a month (well for him he has the money as I support his daughter) anyway we said ok and decided on 3 weekends a month. The agreement was he would give us a months notice if he needed to change his weekend unless something serious came up. Last week he tells us on friday he is working sundays and will bring his BD back then which is not the agreement he brings her to school monday and we pick her up. On probing by my SO he told her he asked for his work days to be changed and knew weeks ago only to tell us last friday destroying our plans for the weekend ... AGAIN might I add.
So we have put him back to every other weekend and told him if he wants more to go to court and ask for them, because for the past two years he has been breaking every agreement we have decided on, I feel a little bad as its my SD who will lose out on seeing her daddy and this could lead to abandonment issues later in life. But I think we are justified not allowing him to dictate our life for us and if we don't stop it now it will happen for the rest of her life, or at least until she is old enough to make her own decisions.
I put in place the him pick his daughter up from school friday and drop off on mondays and we pick her up after to stop as much of the face to face contact between my SO/FDW due to the hold and fear he still has over her (8 years of abuse can do that).
Is there any other way people in a similar situation dealt with this with the child's best interests in mind, we can not direct our life around him and are not willing too. If he can not stick to an agreement court is the only way to deal with it, as I am the soul provider for this family its the money of going down that road that has stopped us in the past but it seem our had is being pushed... Unfortunately
Thanks
Why hasn't your SO filed for
Why hasn't your SO filed for child support? If he's working, he should be helping to support SD. Sounds like NEITHER of her parents is doing that, and they've made you financially responsible for this child.
Is there any CO in affect right now at all?
And, frankly, you sound a bit like a control freak here: "I put in place the him pick his daughter up from school friday and drop off on mondays and we pick her up after to stop as much of the face to face contact between my SO/FDW due to the hold and fear he still has over her (8 years of abuse can do that)." First, your SO should not need you to come in and "rescue" her and protect her from having contact with her ex. (I say this, btw, as a wife who spent twelve years in an abusive marriage.) And I don't think you should be setting the terms and rules of everything. It almost sounds like you're insecure in your relationship with your SO and are concerned that her seeing her ex will drum up old feelings or something.
Anyway, tell these parents to support their kid. You're being taken advantage of.
I think what dtzyblnd is
I think what dtzyblnd is trying to set in motion is a legal kick in the ass towards her bio dad, it will make him have to prove that he is adhering to deals that are made visitation wise. If not the court will order his visitation and if he does not stick to them it could go down the road of him losing those rights.
He is doing this just to be an asshole and we know it, he can not get to my Partner the way he used to as I will not allow it so he is trying to create as much drama for us as he can. Who knows maybe he has dreams of them getting back together and he thinks trying to cause us stress will do it, unfortunately for him I am a pretty calm person by nature and it takes a lot to rattle me so if its a battle of wills he has already lost.
StickAFork Setting things in
StickAFork Setting things in place (which are agreed by my partner not forced) are put in place because of the emotional control he used against her also the threats of physical violence face to face when they meet and I was not there, trying to protect the woman we love is what men are here for we protect our women in this world from things or people that try to hurt them. Any way I can protect her I will, if you find that controlling so be it, the fear some women and men have from an abusive relationship can be all consuming and they need some help to get back on their feet to fully regain control in their life.
dtzyblnd You are probably right, I just worry that it will impact his daughter and she will grow to resent not seeing him as much and I am fully sure he will blame it on us. As he has blamed everything else on us and tries to make himself look like a victim, playing adult mind games with a 5 year old is not a good thing in my world. However her mother wishes him to see her and I will not stand in her way but i would like it to stop impacting our plans and also sometimes causing us to lose money as something we have planned is non refundable and too adult for a 5 year old.