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Trying to understand the logic (as usual)

evilstepmom217's picture

I posted about this a long time ago, but I doubt anyone remembers the summary of the situation so I'll give a quick one...

BM cheated on DH with every single one of his friends and topped it off with a threesome with his blood sister and her husband at the time. DH found out from his mother (who was dying of cancer) on Thanksgiving. DH stayed with BM until his mother passed because he couldn't stand to have his mom worry about anything more than herself while she was going through her own battle. He filed for divorce a few months after his mother passed (after spending a total of 3 years with BM post cheating ordeal).

Anyway, BM and DH get along fine and co-parent and have zero issues for a year before I come into the picture. As soon as he and I became serious she went looney. She literally threw a temper tantrum over me coming to SD ballgames which included her launching a full beer at DH's head (which missed him and hit her own car, lol) along with her jerking the kids out of his truck (on his day with them) and him having to threaten to call the county on her if she didn't stop. She then proceeded to have a "panic attack" at work the next day requiring an ambulance ride to the hospital *eyeroll.*

Once she realized she none of her antics were going to work to control him, she stopped with the crying bs and started in with showing up at our house and beating on the door and blaring her horn and other crazy things to try and force her control over him.

When that didn't work she filed for full custody and attempted to make him an every other weekend dad (he has shared legal and physical custody which literally translates into him having them physically at our house more than she has them at hers). He fought back and won that case which resulted in nothing changing except her losing 30% of her child support and the court enforcing that she could not move the kids out of the school district we all live in.

Okay so here is what I have been pondering about her crazy logic:

Prior to me entering the picture and DH standing his ground with her she would attend everything the kids were involved in and she was very civil and even friendly with DH. Now that the above history has taken place, she refuses to attend SS basketball games or SD softball games if we are present. She used to come to SD softball games and take her to practice on her days and weekends when DH had to work, but since he started as the assistant coach she refuses to come to any of her games, and will not take her to practices either. If DH is working I have to go get SD and take her to practice while BM sits at home for whatever reason.

So... to summarize that long story, I'm curious as to why BM would participate part time on her own time until DH started coaching, and then once he started coaching she removed herself from the whole deal indefinitely. A parent from another team had asked about her over the weekend and commented that they thought everything would change when DH started coaching, and as I thought more about it later on I just wondered to myself, WHY??

Just J's picture

She's an idiot and thinks she is hurting your DH. She obviously hates him more than she loves her own daughter and thinks she is somehow getting back at him for being with you (oh how dare he!). She is too blinded by her own petty jealousy to see that she's going to end up hurting her own daughter. And she'd rather have her "I'll show them" moment by making you take her kid to practice than see that she's being a horrible mother. 

evilstepmom217's picture

For sure... Just can't understand how she thinks she's accomplishing anything by this?  I mean if it was me I would be damned if I missed anything my kids did because of another woman.  I just don't get it.

stepmominhiding's picture

it's a show for the kids, "since your dad did this, i can't do that" it's to make your husband look bad, even though he's just being involved

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Our BM likes to try and pretend everything was because of DH too... It wasn't... She cheated the whole relationship... Refused to work, racked up debt, neglected the skids, threw s*** at DH when he would try to bring up him having issues with her opening her legs for anything with a d***... Also he only married her because she got preggo because she wanted military benefits and then started threatening to take the child and move far away so he'd never get to see her if he didn't marry her...

Oh then she got a bf... So he ditched her sorry a$$... But she still lvoes to play victim and try to pretend it was all because of DH... Go. Figure.

Ispofacto's picture

When she avoids these practices/games are you there?  Voldemort tries to pretend I don't exist, she doesn't want any reminders that I'm living the life she "deserves".  She even told DH she would refuse to transport Killjoy to our house, because we live in a big beautiful house she should be living in.  Now Voldemort is required to do all the driving, so she sees our house a lot.  She refuses to work, so she can't afford any of our lifestyle.  She rented a house just like ours when someone in Mealticket's family died, but she only had enough for a year, then they had to move out.  They blew the whole load of inheritance on a house they couldn't afford to even furnish.  Then she couldn't afford to have her car repaired.  

 

She's also incredibly defiant.  Adult ODD.  When Killjoy wanted to do a sport we had to spend $3k getting a CO because Voldemort refused to take her.  Now when she does take her she sits as far away as possible and pouts the whole time.  Because sitting closes and cheering/participating with the other parents would be too much like cooperating.  She cannot condone anything we do.

evilstepmom217's picture

She used to only avoid events that she knew that I would be attending. Now that DH is coaching she completely removes herself from all of it.  Just not quite sure what the big difference is in DH coaching.  It's like now that he is on the field and has control over the situation she refuses to have any part of it.  Maybe that's it, maybe it's him having control over it.  The control with the combination of not wanting to see him out on the field maybe?  Idk... it's insane to me.