texting- how do you handle it?
to me, texting is an instant way to communicate with someone and it interferes with whatever it is they are doing at that moment- and they expect you to stop what you are doing and text back. if it is coming from someone you WANT to hear from- great, but if it is coming from a psycho BM- not so great. since SO and i got together i have definitely cut down on the texting from BM- it used to be constant- BS is doing this, BD is doing that- like constant updates on their life when he didn't have the kids. i told him that needs to stop and she should only be texting about scheduling, something important, an emergency, etc. he talked to her, it slowed down, but she still took advantage and sent ridiculous texts, he talked to her again maybe 2 months ago, still she is out of control.
this weekend we go to a baseball game and have a night out- it was great. and then the kids call from her cell, he doesn't answer. two seconds later she starts texting "call the kids before bed" and some other bullshit texts. then if he doesn't answer she gets pissed. i told him- you need to block her number. we have gotten to the point where she clearly does not understand boundaries and interferes with her texting about things that do not need to be texted whenever we are together. i am so sick of it. seeing her name pop up makes me cringe. the kids could have easily left a voice mail and you could have called them back- why does she need to text you?
so how do you do it? do you let your SO and BM text about the kids? i just feel like why can't things be communicated via email- what is the need to text? people have been divorced for decades and they got along without texting. wtf? now that his BD has a cell phone (as of last week) of her own i feel more like we should block BM number- the kids can call and text him from her phone. i don't want to start problems but its like- learn some boundaries and respect and then we will unblock your number, until then BD can contact him from her cell. ugh!
Um, I don't LET my DH do
Um, I don't LET my DH do anything. He has a momma and it ain't me! (Thank God!!!)
How old are the stepkids?
8 and 10. the 10 yr old just
8 and 10. the 10 yr old just got a cell phone- mainly bc BM was insane and SO was trying to find a way around going through her so speak to the kids. once she gets on the phone she starts bitching and yelling, etc.
Crazo use to send me texts,so
Crazo use to send me texts,so I had her # blocked. She does text fdh, sometimes 20 a day. But FDH is very disciplined.
He knows after he see the first one if she is just ranting and raving or if it is important, (it has never been) so he just sends them to his email so he can keep a log of her insanity.
He never reads them all. He also does not take
phone calls from her. Never. That is why she sends texts.
We do not take text or calls when we are out enjoying our time together. If it really is important, a message will be left.
Crazo is too stupid and lazy to use email.
I agree with you, texting has gotten way out of hand.
Sometimes it is convenient, but also if can be rude.
Sit down with him and make a plan as to what is acceptable when it comes to BM's texting
Once he stops looking at all of them, you both will feel better. She should not be dictating anything.
It is ridiculous that she text him to call before the kids go to bed, and he should never act on her insanity. Who is she to tell him when he should do something for or with his kids.
She needs to manage herself.
Set up a google voice number
Set up a google voice number for her and be done with it.
I had this issue with my DH
I had this issue with my DH and one of his ex's.
They have not been together for 18 years (shes in another state) however when we first met he had told me that they get along pretty great which at the time it didnt bother me cause I honestly didnt think things were going to get serious between us. His ex remarried and has 2 girls with her current husband ages 14 and 8. The 14 year old is pregnant, well the other day going thru DH phone I saw that his ex had sent him a picture of her 14 year old pregnant daughter in a 2 piece bathing suit :O along with some other stupid forward jokes... I brought this up immediately to him and told him he better talk to her and tell her not to be sending him any text, jokes let alone pictures of HER daughter, that he has nothing to do with. Their daughter is 18 she has her own cell where she can call him if needed. I told him he needed to remind her that he is married now and she needs to respect me and our marriage. Since then she has stopped for now but I will remain on top of what he recieves from her. I dont know where these bio moms get that they can still take over and control these men even when they have clearly moved on.
BM would probably just start
BM would probably just start txting from BD's phone if you blocked her phone. DH just needs to ignore the txts if they are not important. Maybe he should put his phone on silent when you guys are doing an activity so that you aren't disturbed.
My SO's ex used to txt or call ALL the time. Every day. I've been bugging him about it for maybe a year and a half lol. It's dwindled more and more. Occasionally, she will still do it when she knows he and I are together and he generally just looks at his phone, sees the txt or who is calling and ignores it. (if we're doing some kind of activity) If we're just at home, he might answer if she calls but keeps it really brief. As silly as it is, i still sigh or start doing some chore or something when she calls and just give him a look. It makes him uncomfortable to sit and chit chat with her on the phone.
If i'm feeling particularily annoyed I ask him if something is wrong. (very concerned of course!) I don't make it sound like i am angry or upset, but kind of give a big hint that unless there is something wrong why on earth is she calling him and why is he answering.
If he says no, "nothing is wrong". I say. "oh.. i see" and usually have to take a few minutes to let my irritation go. I'm sure it's obvious and it isn't that i'm doing it on purpose exactly... but i want him to know i am irritated but i am not going to fight with him about it. When we did have a "talk" or two about it, i brought the subject up and told him that it is poor boundaries and disruptive and it is really disrepectful to me. Eventually he started to get the idea and ween his ex off calling/txting him so much.
So far, it has gotten much much better. Bit by bit they are fixing their poor boundaries. It's slow progress, but better than nothing. I guess just be consistant. It might not be a bad idea to have a talk with him about what are acceptable boundaries in his relationship with her.
Dh doesn't reply unless it is
Dh doesn't reply unless it is something contact worthy. If she is just telling him that SS likes soy nuts (which she has texted) he ignores it. It pisses her off, and she tries to tell him he "has to respond when it is about OUR son". But who is she to tell him what to do? After about 6 1/2 years she got a clue and stopped doing it. She still texts, but not nearly as much, and he still responds the same. Only if it is contact worthy. If she asks why he didn't reply when she sees us, he just says "because I didn't need to".
At one point I WISHED we could block her, but really cell phone are necessary in case of emergencies, we are not home a lot (especially DH he travels for work) so it wasn't an option. I just had to ignore the incessant texts and pray that ignoring her would sink in at some point, and it did.
hahaha- love it. thanks for
hahaha- love it. thanks for the advice!